I'm wondering if there are any people in your lives with whom you are more tolerant about pronoun slip-ups/name slip-ups, etc.?  And conversely, is there anybody with whom you have absolutely no tolerance for slip-ups?

For example, I have an aunt who had a minor stroke just before I transitioned, and it affected her short-term memory.  I don't expect her to get it right all the time, because I know she has trouble remembering things that happened recently, and I do my best not to make her eel bad about it. 

My parents and other people who have known me for ages get a certain amount of leniency, because they have a lot of years of programming to overcome, and I know they really are trying.

People who only knew me for a short time before transition, like the people at work, are rapidly coming to the end of my patience.  I'm afraid the next person who says, "It's going to take me some time to get used to that." is likely to get an icy, "It's been over a year.  How much longer do you think you'll need?"

As for people who never knew me before, but know about me - they get no quarter when it comes to slip-ups.  There's simply no excuse.

So how about you all?  Where do you draw your lines?

I don't get angry being 'pro-nouned' the wrong way from people, I get sad/hurt if anything.  Due to being very non-confrontational though I rarely say anything or display much of the pain associated with being gendered wrong.

That being said, the WHOM is slipping with pronouns has a huge effect on how it makes me feel.  If some random girl at a mcdonalds calls me 'sir' (this happened a few days ago) it hurts a little, but more or less makes me almost 'shutter' within myself... Kind of like 'huh?'  But I get over it in just a minute or so, and am back to my regular self.

If it is someone I am close to that slips though, it devastates me highly.  I tend to feel a mess about it for sometimes days at a time.  It's all about feeling like I am showing someone close to me, 'myself', and they make me feel unacknowledged or 'invisible' with a misgendering.  And that *REALLY* hurts.  Gender is just such a deep core part of identity...

So for me everyone gets a pass, and no one gets a slap...  I really need to learn to be tougher I think though =/

People who have known me longest get some slack, like you said it takes a long time to over come the years of programing.
As long as my friends are making a honest attempt I try not to get mad, and they all are
As far as people working at stores or something I don't really care because in reality when am I ever going to see them again? Just seems like getting angry for no good reason to me.

After 3 years at my old workplace, I lost all patience and started reporting people to their managers for using the wrong pronouns. Then I escalated (because it kept happening) and turned it into an HR case.
I will not tolerate it - most especially in people who never knew me before (and they were usually the worst culprits).

Everybody gets a "slap upside the head." Since I would never let myself slip up with someone else's request for a different name or pronouns, and since I hold everyone else to the same standards that I hold myself to, nobody gets any slack from me. 

My kids get a pass and a gentle reminder.  Everyone else is in for a world of pain.

Okay not really but I do stop and firmly correct anyone be it friend or cashier if they use the wrong pronoun or name.  If they seem dismissive about it or not taking me seriously enough I will sit them down.  Then we will talk until I can see that light bulb go off atop of their head.

My mother, only because at the moment I stay with her when I'm not at university. she acts like it because she's all holier than thou crap on me all the time ¬.¬ I tell her it hurts me she dosen't care.

I kinda have to put up with it however because If I fought her I wouldn't be welcome anymore she'd boot me out. Then I wouldn't be able to see any of my lifelong highly supportive friends for the foreseeable future. I would really be shooting my own foot off.

I will fight her after graduation once I have a job, and I've probably moved in with a friend she will have no hold and she can either choose to
talk to me or not.

As for everyone else if they try (at least do so once or twice) then I let them off... If they don't try I get aggy.
My family were resistant and started doing idiotic things (giving me cheques in my old name) after that incident I threw a fat wobbler at every one of them for about 2 weeks when they got it wrong to hammer it in it worked.

Also my housemates in Colchester at uni... I'm divided on how I should act around them. They did afterall stand up for my defence in the whole Bigoted christian landlord incident. yet they use my old male name. I think in part because my new name is shared with one of them aswell :/

No one really gets a pass from me. I correct everyone but the person that I actually get really angry at is my uncle who pulls the crap of "I'm gay so get over it" sort of thing. He also constantly refers to me as a lesbian. I'd just ignore it but he lives with me.

My mom though, she gets applause when she gets it right because of how hard she is trying to get it. I came out to her about a year ago and she's getting it right almost 99% of the time lately.

Quote from: Snoeball on January 13, 2011, 12:26:00 PM
IIt's all about feeling like I am showing someone close to me, 'myself', and they make me feel unacknowledged or 'invisible' with a misgendering.

Yes, I think you put that very well.  I'm fortunate enough that nobody has ever deliberately used the wrong pronoun (at least not to my face) but the message I get when people accidentally slip up is, "I'm just humoring you when I do get it right."  I don't want to be humored.  I want to be recognized as the man I really am.

Quote from: Jamie-o on January 17, 2011, 06:21:18 AM
Yes, I think you put that very well.  I'm fortunate enough that nobody has ever deliberately used the wrong pronoun (at least not to my face) but the message I get when people accidentally slip up is, "I'm just humoring you when I do get it right."  I don't want to be humored.  I want to be recognized as the man I really am.

Yeah, when that happened to me, I thought to myself "In your head you think I'm a man and you're just humouring me when I'm around."
Case and point, a woman who referred to me as 'she' in person was caught calling me 'he' when I wasn't around.
I kinda feel sorry for idiots like that; they cause themselves a lot of grief by doing these pronoun gymnastics all the time.

My parents still get a pass, especially since I don't interact with them in a way that would out me to anyone else.

Everyone else gets consistent matter-of-fact corrections, not slaps upside the head. And since my friends vary in how well they've adjusted, I remind them before we are about to be in a public space about trying harder. One of my friends is obvioulsy trying so hard to get used to my name that he uses it way too often in conversation - multiple times per sentence, sometimes. It's a bit endearing, because it's clear that he thinks: all I need to do is say Sean enough times and I'll adjust! And he's RIGHT. Hehe.

I spoke to my boss on the phone the other day and he told me he caught himself twice in the past week using my old name to other people, and he was wondering if I still messed up my own name! Ha!  I did fess up to taking some time to adjust in signing my own emails.

It's going to be interesting when I come out at work, to see what happens. I told the HR manager that I was a pragmatic, reasonable guy and I don't expect everyone to get it right straight away. When I told him "You get a free pass for the first year, and after that..." *draws finger across throat*, he thought that was hilarious.

It's taken about 15 years to trasin my family into using my male first name (I'm pre-T but I changed my name years ago), so god knows how long it will take them to get to "he" and "him" and "my son". Having said that, they were awesome when I told them.

Funny enough my 70 year old grandma calls me he and her grandson. but my mom and dad and step parents still call me she and call me by my birth name. so where is their excuse?

and my grandma still calls parties 'orgies' (english is her third language)