~I just don't know where to start~ 


My name is Amanda, I'm 32 years old and 'mtf', if you will. I have known the person inside all my life (she's really kinda cool), the one subdued and suffocated by the hairy beast for all this time...and six months ago I finally decided to do something about letting her out. I was more frightened than I have ever been in my life, because I know it's not going to be easy and it's going to hurt, a lot. Let me tell you though, I am certain that sixty more years of emptiness, suffocation, hollow relationships and absolute dissatisfaction with life will hurt more. It's time, why on earth did I wait so long?!

How wonderful our world has become! As I started to look for information, find others like myself, and figure out what actions to take and when, I found such a wealth of information. I'll be honest, I was very surpised! For so long, I have felt alone, somehow abandoned, and the thought that there was a huge community of people ~just~ like me had never even crossed my mind. The resources you have here are amazing in terms of information...but I have found here something I was far more interested in than statistics and doctors websites...people. You ladies have managed to overcome, to survive and be happy. I am so awestruck, I honestly had no idea it was possible.

I look forward to being a member of your commuity, if you'll have me. The energy is just amazing, it's hard to describe how it touches me without sounding absolutely absurd  The nearest comparison I can make is to when I sat my mother down and told her. She looked at me for a loooooooooong time (gruelling I tellya), told me that had I been born into a female body she had planned to name me Amanda, and offered to help me learn to do my hair and nails. She wasnt particularly surprised it turns out, and as she related stories from the childhood years I can't even remember, I just sat there and glowed. The hairy beast was such a stereotype, a Marine, factory worker, I mean you name it; and I am still awed that she could see through it.

I'm so excited I could go on for pages  I'll stop.....NOW.


Ok I'll stop in a minute


Thank you for being here, for the first time in my life I look forward to the future, and am so happy to have found your community.

Welcome Amanda


                Your story is a very familiar one and I am so glad you have found your way here.

Welcome to Susan's



beth

Hello Amanda, welcome to Susan's.

I'm so glad that you have found us, and I hope that you enjoy your stay.  As you have discovered there is a lot of information here and I hope that it serves to help you.  Please read the rules, and participate where you can as that's what Susan's is all about.

Enjoy your stay, and I'm sure that we'll chat later.

Steph

Welcome, Amanda!!!

As Beth mentioned, you'll find many similarities with other member stories you may read. Congrats on letting Amanda out! That's a HUGE step.

QuoteIt's time, why on earth did I wait so long?!

Probably the #1 most-often repeated quote from all of us But ya know, I think things kinda happen when they should, when they're ready. Things often need to ripen a bit.

Please feel free to browse around and familiarize yourself with the Site Rules.

Oh, and it's *really* cool that your mother is supportive! Nothing quite like having an ally you can share tears of joy and pain with.

So... where are your thoughts in all this now (if you'd like to share more)? What would Amanda like to do?

Kate

Hi Amanda,
I is good to meet you. It is good to have someone close that will support you. You are blessed with a mother like that. The only support I have besides professional is my hair dresser at the local beauty parlor.
For over a year now Jillieann has been coming out and I'm still releasing more of myself to here control.I know that I have been changed and am allot happier person now.
So welcome to Susan's.

Jillieann

Quote from: Kate on January 06, 2007, 11:14:05 PM

So... where are your thoughts in all this now (if you'd like to share more)? What would Amanda like to do?

I really don't know  I remember being a little girl (by that I refer to the time before gender rules were imposed on us) and I wanted to be everything from a hairdresser to an astronaut  Honestly it feels just like that, a whole new world opening up; but I suppose I'm preaching to the choir  I will be graduating Nursing school in about a year, and will probably stick with that, both because I love it with all my heart, and it will provide the means to progress in transition.  Living in the heart of Idaho however...as my transition progresses I will probably need to relocate, and am considering Seattle.

So far, the biggest challenge has been giving up smoking to get the most benefit from HRT. Holy cow talk about a challenge. When I reached three months without, I rewarded myself with the cutest pair of pink sneakers I could find. My classmates asked me about them, and when I told them they were rewards for giving up cigarettes they accepted without question. I thought it was cute 

Welcome to Susan's, Amanda!

I'm delighted that you've decided to join us and I hope I'll be reading much more from you in the future!

again, WELCOME ! ! 
helen

Welcome Amanda and thank you for the introduction.

While you're here don't limit yourself to reading the stories of the women here.  Get to know the men.  They are amazing people too.  You'll be just as awestruck.

Julie

Welcome!  By all means, don't feel embarrassed to post!  We do become friends here.

Cindi

Yes amanda i agree.. a very familiar story indeed!
welcome i hope you find friends, info, and good times here!
Ricki

Amanda, welcome to the community!  You are among friends, so don't be afraid to let it out.  The only stupid question is the one not asked.

Your name reminds me of the old Don Williams song:

Amanda, light of my life,
Fate should have made you a gentleman's wife.       

Again, welcome!
Kristi

Hi Amanda,

Welcome to Susan's Place.  You certainly have found a large group of friends that will listen and help.  Explore the various sources and links to much needed information; many answers can be found here, as well as many lovely people.

Susan Kay

Hi Amanda, welcome  Thanks for your intro.  I felt a lot like you when I found Susan's.  I look forward to reading your posts.

All the best,
Joseph

Welcome to the forum