So, my last post was talking about how validating & awesome my first appointment at the therapist was...
Before leaving for the appointment Mom & I had planned to pickup some food from a local shop afterwards. The first appointment went so well that I could have been dreaming, but thankfully I was not. On the way to the store I had told her I was going to go in with her (was not sure before we left), and she replied what if XXXX sees you? I told her I did not care, but she insisted that I don't go in... My spirit was crushed. This was the first time she had not been supportive, heck the first time I had hit any sort of roadblock in my transition so far... We had a small argument in the car... Everything calmed down, and she noticed how depressed I looked and told me she would take me out on my birthday (Next week) downtown... at night... I happily agreed. She even said she would buy me a better wig, something that would look good in the daylight (this was one of her excuses for me not going into the store) Money is tight, so I am not sure when she will be able to, but the thought is nice.
I know it is a lot for her to deal with, and we both talked our feelings out later on. We are on good terms, but being ready to take a step out into the public during the day is something that I had to be built up for, something that I needed to do when I felt it was the right time. It still hurts, but I forgive her.
Firday rolls around and my friend from out of town says he wants to come over and crash at my place for the night. He has no clue about "Zoe", and this was the first time I had to do a sweep of my room, and take off my nail polish. It made me depressed, hiding myself from a friend... Just bleh, broken, even a few suicidal thoughts. Started feeling better after he left today & I painted my toe & finger nails, got into my wig & comfy jammies (New profile pic).
Feel better having written this out, tomorrow will be a better day.
