Last night I watched the movie Boys Don't Cry for the first time, and as I was watching it I was obviously relating to a lot of it, but after it was over it left me with a bad feeling, I even had a dysphoria attack. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day.

As much as I love being stealth, I realize how scary it can get. Of course being pre t and pre op makes things worse, but then I started wondering if being trans will ever stop being scary. The only positive things I find being trans is that I was able to find myself when a lot of people in general have a hard time finding themselves, and being able to have the courage to transition makes me a stronger person, but other than that, I really don't find pride in being trans :/ sorry I feel that way but I can't help it.

Then also, his gf in the movie is so awesome and supportive even after he lied to her, but it got me thinking about how sometimes I kinda feel bad for family/friends/SO who are accepting because its like they have to put up with the "situation" because they try to be understanding, when I'm sure its hard. Sometimes I wonder if I could do it myself (meaning be so supportive and understanding) if I wasn't trans. I'd never know unless I was in the situation.

Well I guess this was just a rant/wondering if anyone had any input on this or the movie. Sorry if I don't really make sense, its just some stuff I've been thinking about. Anyways, thanks everyone

I recently saw part of the movie, but I haven't been able to finish it.  I enjoy it, but then I feel kind of bad because the lady playing him passed so well and I have no hope of passing that well until T.

There is a documentary called The Brandon Teena Story. Watching it will put a bit of a different spin on the movie.

edited due to having the name reversed. I blame...dyslexia whoever she is.

Quote from: LordKAT on January 23, 2011, 09:33:31 PM
There is a documentary called The Teena Brandon Story. Watching it will put a bit of a different spin on the movie.

Thanks! I'll check it out, don't know if it'll change the thoughts the movie already put in my head tho, but I'll definitely watch it

I saw that movie and it literally made me cry. When was him being himself such a crime? How did it hurt anybody else? I will never understand that length of people's ignorance.

But at the same time it made me wonder about the people I'm around. I don't think anybody would react that way but there there's still that fear for me. I don't know it's kinda hard to explain.

Quote from: LukasGabriel on January 23, 2011, 09:31:28 PMI enjoy it, but then I feel kind of bad because the lady playing him passed so well

Hilary Swank is so awesome.  She's one of my favorite actresses.

She was also in Million Dollar Baby, which is one of my favorite Clint Eastwood movies.

There is a lot more to that story than was told on the screen, try to find the original articles in the New Yorker on it.

I saw a trailer for it and couldn't find anywhere to watch it so i ordered it online.  it should be here soon, i hope i like it.

Quote from: KrisRenee on January 23, 2011, 10:25:43 PM
it should be here soon, i hope i like it.

Keep the tissue box in hand.  This is one of the few movies that did make me cry.

I wish all it did was make me cry, but I guess accurate or not, it still left me with a bad feeling and brought all these thoughts and questions into my head. I mean, I never question my transition, but just the whole fact of being trans is kinda scary to me. idk

Quote from: James42 on January 23, 2011, 11:20:35 PM
I mean, I never question my transition, but just the whole fact of being trans is kinda scary to me. idk

It should be scary, keep you alert and alive as well as force you to be real certain that this is the right path for you.

Quote from: James42 on January 23, 2011, 11:20:35 PM
I wish all it did was make me cry, but I guess accurate or not, it still left me with a bad feeling and brought all these thoughts and questions into my head. I mean, I never question my transition, but just the whole fact of being trans is kinda scary to me. idk

I know exactly what you mean. It makes me wonder if I will ever get myself stuck in a situation like that and what I would do about it. I actually watched the documentary first and then the movie years before I came out as trans.

I watched it for the second time a couple of weeks ago with my girlfriend and she cried and got up and left without being able to watch the end, around the part where his girlfriends whole family confronts him. It made me wonder if she either: wonders if I will get in a bad situation too, or that maybe sometimes even though she accepts me and whatever that it is still hard for her (and her family) sometimes dating an FTM.

I watched it all the way through once.  Never again ...

I've watched the first part a few times but I can't sit through the (highlight for spoilers rape scene) without going into a full blown panic attack. 

Way to close to home folks.  Good movie though.  Hillary is fantastic.

Oh, that movie scared me back into the closet for awhile, no lie.   Well, the movie coupled with my real-life experiences with transphobia while living in the midwest.  I had my own brush with the law 5 years ago, and while it was not nearly so as bad as Brandon's, it was a painful reminder of Brandon's story and what can happen.  I can't watch the rape scene either,  it's very triggering for me.

I watched it with my family a few years ago.  I rented it mainly to gauge their reaction to it.  The fact that they kept call Brandon "she" pretty much told me when I was dealing with.  And I'm with Jake that the rape scene scared me not only back into the closet for several years, but back into denial and into the first ever "try to be girly" phase of my life.

I've not watched it and don't plan to.  It'd be way too triggering.

One time I watched Boys Don't Cry with my ex girlfriend and she just held me so I didn't have to watch the emotionally disturbing scenes towards the end.  The second viewing was a bit easier for me.  It didn't scare me back into the closet however, if anything it made me stronger in my resolve to stay true to myself and go forward with transition.  Brandon didn't live a lie by being trans and neither should I.

Anyways....I own this movie and show it to my friends and I just sit there quietly with an expression on my face that is seriousness mixed with extreme sadness and just allow others to talk with me about what they saw and what they think about it.  No question is ever too personal for me, so I figure my friends can learn a thing or two by watching Hillary's AMAZING performance and also learn about my own experiences with transphobia.

I decided to watch that movie when I was 16. Id never watch it again. I already have at the back of my mind, the constant guard and wariness in any situation. And like LordKAT said, we should be alert. Know we are certain in what we are doing in life, transitioning despite the risk it puts us in.

There are great things that come with being stealth, and I love reaping these rewards each day
But I will admit I will never feel fully safe untill Im post op (lower surgery especially).
Im sure it sounds dramatic, but Id rather be murdered than raped.

But yeah, Hilary Swank did a great job playing as Brandon. My twin sister is a big Hilary fan, and didnt realize it was her on the front cover, she thought it was just a boy!

I saw the movie long ago and it still scares me. What motivated the crime is really disturbing. I mean, some people really do feel deceived when they learns a guy's biologically female. We're not lying about but somehow others feel that way. I find it problematic. 

I want to watch it but I know I will bawl my eyes out, something I have never done during a movie ><