I've been searching for answers and searching for who I am. I've been reading through a lot of threads on this forum.
At a young age, I had very vivid dreams of being a girl.
I even had a reoccurring (unrealistic) dream where my mother would take me to place with a machine. I would be placed into the machine, the door would be closed. When I walked out, I was a real girl. I remember feeling good after I had this dream, but disappointed that it wasn't real.
I didn't dress or anything. (I remember putting on mom's lipstick). But I did like to play with my hair, when it was finally allowed to be more than a half inch long.
I've had this feminine side that has remained hidden for decades. The only thing that I've allowed for myself is that I finally grew my hair long (something I've always wanted to do.) I've always wanted long hair since I was young. I wanted long, beautiful, styled hair (not your typical guy long hair).
I now have hair almost to my waist. I wear it pulled back most of the time, but I love to play with it and put it up in different styles. My stylist will curl it for me at the salon....it looks very pretty when I walk out of the salon.
But the hair is the only feminine thing I've allowed myself. I present very masculine otherwise. I am married and my wife has slowly accepted my hair, but does not like me styling it at all. I can't imagine pushing anything else on her. Yet I have these very strong feelings of being female....and I don't mean just dressing as one, but I guess that's where it would start?
I've always been more comfortable talking with women, but can make myself fit in with a group of guys. But I much prefer the topics that women talk about.
I feel like I'm just rambling and I probably have not explained things very well. This is my first post anywhere about this.
Thank you for listening.
