I had a great experience today, just like another girl on the forum! (A twofer, yay!) My gender counselor told me she plans on only evaluating me for about a month instead of three (but I'll wait three if I have to, I just want to be honest, not pressure them) before allowing me to interview for my letter. She also told me that I will make a very good woman, and that I have very feminine and pretty eyes. I love it when they talk about my eyes Was it unprofessional? Who cares? It boosted my confidence and I needed it.

I also posted my life experience in the introduction forum, for those interested. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,91414.0.html

Congrats girl. I remember how I felt on my way home from my first therapy session back in uhh..I think it was July haha. Actually maybe a few days before I turned 19 lol. Its truly one of those "OMG I'M ACTUALLY TRANSITIONING" feelings lol.

Wonderful Marina.
Congratulations.
You are doing it girl.
Jillieann

Big step Marina. My therapist evaluated me for about two months before we started on HRT.

Part two: I'm three sessions in and I finally decided to go in as myself. I walked into the office building in boy mode carrying a bag of brand new clothes which were a departure from my normal style, and holed up the women's bathroom (it had a lock!) to get ready. I had to do this because I was dropped off by my S.O. who doesn't want to see me.

15 minutes worth of prep later and I walked out of there as Marina. I was hurried and a slight mess, but that's okay. I'm developing a great relationship with my counselor and I wanted her to meet me for real. I walked past a tax preparer to the actual office where my appointment was, opened the door to the center, and was immediately greeted by a blank stare and "Hello, how can I help you?" by the lovely trans woman whom I've had a few conversations with and runs the place. My counselor was in the lobby and two seconds after I said Hi I turned to see her, and she started absolutely beaming, and told me that I look great! I'm not sure what was going through the manager's mind, but she seemed thrown completely off. Two other people in the lobby looked completely uncomfortable in my presence as well. Strange start to the session, I know I wasn't put together in a flawless fashion.

I was infinitely more comfortable this time, but I was very conscious of any boy movements I made, and I had to speak in my male voice (which isn't deep), just pitched up, because of recent throat issues. This was my first real discourse with someone as myself. My therapist told me that I was much, much more at ease, and that I may be experiencing a final complete rejection of any of my maleness, which explains my recent hatred of my photos, my face, my voice, and pretty much everything that I see. I'll take the explanation and run.

I was just wondering, have any of you experienced difficulty with remembering gender related life histories? Have any of you all sort of put it out as well? I was not able to answer her straight away, but I always have an answer if I sit for a moment. Next week we discuss HRT in earnest.

I was a bit confused by everyone's reaction, but I felt empowered, and in the end I told the manager to change the name on my sheet to Marina. She smiled and said "good."

Quote from: MarinaM on January 26, 2011, 02:57:46 AM
I was just wondering, have any of you experienced difficulty with remembering gender related life histories? Have any of you all sort of put it out as well? I was not able to answer her straight away, but I always have an answer if I sit for a moment.

Yes! I feel like I dealt with so much of it and sort of put it away.  I have key moments on the front of my brain, earliest memory, puberty, major milestones because I've shared those stories with other people but it only felt like a handful of events when it came down to it.  My therapist put me through an exercise where she wanted me to sort of get back in touch with my body.  She felt I was being to avoidant.  So for a week I journaled how things felt, from skin to interactions.  It was very very uncomfortable and depressing but so many things came flooding back.  I noticed all of the cover ups I do..."am I standing too feminine"..."do girls sit like this?" and corrections on a daily basis.   Not thinking about this stuff becomes second nature even though you feel it constantly.

Quote from: japple on January 26, 2011, 03:09:40 AM
So for a week I journaled how things felt, from skin to interactions.  It was very very uncomfortable and depressing but so many things came flooding back.  I noticed all of the cover ups I do..."am I standing too feminine"..."do girls sit like this?" and corrections on a daily basis.   Not thinking about this stuff becomes second nature even though you feel it constantly.

That sounds like something interesting that I should try. I've flipped though, I've been systematically annihilating the "boy." I am uncovering myself, though I do get looked at strange all the time.

Yay!

I was also surprised by having the option to start HRT sooner than 3 months. Hope to be down that path soon.