My mom keeps asking me if I plan on taking T...and when I say anything to hint at yes...she starts yelling. My dad is no better and I can tell he thinks trans people are freaks. My mom also threatened to kick me off their health insurance if I plan on taking T...Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrgg


Sorry needed to vent.

That sucks man.  Is there anyway you can take T without your parents noticing?  I've heard of some people who denied taking hormones, and their families didn't want to believe that they were, so they didn't.  I don't know though.  Good luck!

Have you asked her why she is so angry? Do you actually know for sure what your dad thinks?

It sounds to me like you guys don't communicated very well and it is hurting all of you. You really want their support, and are to some extent dependent on them. They, on the other hand, have a bunch of fears and they don't know how to deal with them.

I really hope that things work out for you and you can mend things with your parents. You need them, and they need you.

Are you going to be able to get out of their house anytime soon?  If so I would just not engage them.  If they ask just ignore/change the subject/leave the room/etc.  If you have the means to, get a job.  Once you can get on the insurance for the job. 

My situation is pretty much that I live with my parents (i'm 23) I have a job, insurance through my job,  I saved up what I could each check until I could go to therapy, got my letter, saved up for my endo appointment, got my prescription.  My mom says stuff to me sometimes that is negative and I have lately started to be able to stand up for myself, telling her there is no need for her to say negative things to me, this is my life etc.  It's working ok, though living with someone who does disagree with what I'm doing so hardcore is hard.  I think a lot of the reason she doesn't really say much about it is because she has come to accept that I'm an adult and nothing she can say or do will be able to influence my decisions. 

I would just say "I'm not answering that. I'm sick of hearing you yell". But that's just me. I agree with Nicky. Sounds like ya'll have some serious communication issues on top of everything else going on.

If i were in that situation, i would say
"Its none of your damn business."
and end it with that..but i'm not a nice person when it comes to people being "trans-phobic"

I hear you, man. Parents can be... well.... i'll let you fill in the blanks on that one. I came out to my folks last year. At first they where all "we'll get through this" and "we'll do therapy" - but after our first group session they gave up. Plain and simple, they gave up. They stopped going to therapy (even though i continued), we stopped communicating about it, they threw up walls, etc etc.

I can't start hormones until i move out, so i'm stuck until i have the resources to move out (tentative time isn't till next winter). I don't even feel like i can continue with therapy because any progress i make just gets blown up when i return home. I'm chasing my tail at this point. It's very frustrating.

Right now the situation with the folks is back to the normal stressful stuff with an undercurrent of the real issue fueling the arguments. Not much i can do except ignore them or leave the house until they calm down. Not ideal but leaving for an hour is better than listening to them haggle, yell, pitch a fit, etc etc.

Note: My mom hasn't said it outright but i know for a fact that she would kick me off of her insurance if i started to transition. So that's another concern for me as well. I'm only working part time right now so i have zero insurance, and my health isn't too great to begin with - can't get kicked off just yet.

Don't know what to tell you - if they aren't wiling to listen, then there isn't much that can be done. Would your folks agree to family counseling? Not just for trans issues but for help in learning to communicate? Maybe that would open up new ways in which you can talk to them....

Can you try and sit them down and actually in depth discuss your GID and depression? (Or whatever you suffer from, we are all different) But I have been planning on sitting my parents down and saying stuff along the lines of "This is how it makes me feel to look down and see a penis! This is how it makes me feel to live as a man, I can't even call myself a man without feeling gross! So much to the point where I can barely stand to refer to a man as a man. I HATE THE WORD." etc I don't know if my parents will listen to me, their approach to my transition is "ignore it"



Also, if all else fails, keep your chin up and your head down. Stay out of their way and do EVERYTHING in your power to move out. Whether you find a good friend, a relative, someone on Susans. If I was moved out I'd be booking your tickets for you to move in here lol. But really just do what you can to move out and get away from them. Be strong and we're ALL here for you bb.

Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on January 28, 2011, 10:27:44 AM
Can you try and sit them down and actually in depth discuss your GID and depression?

I feel Alex that you are in search of answers that you can't find here. I agree with those who have said that you need to have a sit down and talk to your parents face to face. Try to arrange a meeting with them. I did it with my parents and it was tough, super tough, and it didn't work, but I am in my mid twenties now so this was a few years ago. I no longer live at home so I don't get bothered with what they think as I don't see them very often. In your case with you all living under one roof it would be advisable to put everything out on the table. And do it in a non-judgemental non-demanding way. Unfortunately at the end of the day they have the power so if they are not in agreement or are agressive about it the only thing you can do is try and create a nicer les confrontational environment so you can save your sanity and not have a breakdown before you are able to move out and on with your life.

Best of luck! Hugs! 

AND Alex..one thing I'd like to point out, that my therapist always tells me is "I cannot control how people react or feel about me. Their reactions are not based on and do not affect my goodness" Stuff like that. She basically means, no matter how your parents react it's THEIR problem and has nothing to do with you. THEY are the ones who cant/refuse to accept their son/daughter CHILD

I think that's one thing parents overlook when they are unhappy with a transsexual child. They forget that whether its their son or daughter or in between, at the end of the day its still their child. Most people transition into a better version of themselves, so far that's how I've been going. My parents are blind so far

Sometimes you just have to word it right for them or give them lots and lots of time.

I never came out but my mom kept asking me tons of questions and getting in my face about things but I acted like it was nothing and denied everything. Then eventually she found out I had changed my name and had an appointment with an endo. Then I wasn't allowed to live with her anymore and she always made hurtful comments everytime I saw her after.

Now... she is paying for my chest surgery :/

My other friend had it worse with religion being involved but the same thing happened to him too. Maybe we're just lucky I don't know.

Why is it that what seems so right, natural  and normal to us, is so horrifying to others. We're just people. WTF.

Sorry you have to go through that, man.

Leave home.

That must be hard... My parents accept me and I feel so terrible for everyone who's parents don't.  How old are you?  Can you go to college?  Find one that's far enough that you have to live away from your parents.  Then they can't control what you do.