if you had to live in the gender you are transitioning out of? i know i would. i would feel like i was worth nothing regardless of what other people told me.

I'm very intelligent.  I could be a very worthwhile person.  I have a lot to offer the world.

However, if I "had" to live as a male, then my worth wouldn't last for very long.  I would be committing suicide very abruptly.

I already do. I'm stuck like this for the time being, and whilst I'm trying to find the path out of it, I'm fighting other battles at the same time, so I don't get a lot of time to feel worthless.

I have nothing of note to offer the world beyond myself, but I know I'd be happier offering it if I was 'correct'.

Quite frankly, if you allow any ambition to become an obscession, to the extent that it becomes more important than life, then you really need to find another ambition.

I agree with VeryGnawty. If I "had" to live the rest of my life as a man, I would drive off the nearest bridge, without a doubt.

You all have surely done something to bring happiness to another. that alone makes your life worth living. If you have done more by giving more than you take then again you are worth living. Even if you couldn't give more you may have given the person who needed to give more the ability to give to you and thusly make their life worth living.

I have done quite a bit both before and after transitioning but the one thing that seems to elude me is finding simple love. I have tons of offers for sex but i just won't do that without love.. so if you have loved and been loved you have lived.

As long as I could transition physically, I think I could deal with it. It would be tough, but better than nothing all.

If denied even that...well, I don't think about that. And that's intentional.

No, because I recognize that I have affected some people in my life positively.  My sister relies on me and I rely on her.  My parents rely on me and I rely on them.  I have a dog that relies on me on I rely on her--she's my life and has definitely made my life very worthwhile.  I'm also going to teach and I hope that I positively impact some young people to help them realize that life isn't all bad despite the bad things that happen.  I'm very happy to be alive and I really don't want to die anytime soon, even if I had to spend the rest of my life as female.  Dying/coming back at the age of 4 seems to have sparked that desire to live in me and to keep on going no matter what happens...and to try and bring a difference. 

Quote from: spacial on January 29, 2011, 04:27:30 PM
Quite frankly, if you allow any ambition to become an obscession, to the extent that it becomes more important than life, then you really need to find another ambition.

I'm not sure that even applies.  I don't feel like I have a choice.  The ONLY reason I am still alive at this very hour is the hope that one day I will be able to eliminate much of the masculinity of this body.  If that hope was removed by the absolute knowledge that I would not be able to achieve it, I could not find a reason to live.  I've been trying FOR THE LAST EIGHTEEN FREAKING YEARS to find a reason to live that would allow me to pretend to be male and still achieve some kind of joy and peace.  The only thing that I have found over those eighteen years is the absolute discipline and determination that it takes to transition.

What you call ambition and obsession, I call the only thing I have left to live for.  If there were anything left that I felt I could live for, trust me I would be trying to do that rather than trying to transition.

Some days yes very much.  Even now.  But it definitely was worthless all those years I lied about being male.  If I had to detransition, I would take all the pills I have here and not worry about working ever again.

i think about that quite a lot. right now, i feel i'm stuck somewhere in between. i have not yet arrived anywhere.
i don't care much about my life. not that i want to die, but i just don't know what to do with it. i take a break from uni and just thrive... playing way below my potential.
and i just don't know if i'd be more focussed if i finally could work out WHO i am, if it gave me the fuel to figure out who i want to be.
it's kinda frustrating anyways, and the ticking clock is driving me right towards the edge...

I'v always felt I was a worthless human ...thing.... I'm 25 and I'm living at my folks place forfilling rock bottom jobs that don't pay the bills to move out. On top of that I'm extremely different from from what society wants a human to be. (I'll spare you the list but for gags I usually call myself an android )

I think I would have managed to live another year if I didn't found out I wasn't supposed to feel like a man, but after that I'll admit I know where the trains are, and where they have top speed so I'll be dead in a jippy. I'd feel really sorry for my mother, thats the only thing in this whole hellhole of a planet that has stopped me thusfar.

not only would I feel worthless, i would feel dead, like I wasn't really living, alive but dead, like a zombie.

living with wearing female clothes, and everyone looking at me, and treating me female, well im not a drama queen, but in all honesty, i would kill myself.  hell, I get suicidal even now, but if I was living as a girl, i wouldn't last long.

Quote from: FallingStar on January 29, 2011, 04:02:33 PM
if you had to live in the gender you are transitioning out of? i know i would. i would feel like i was worth nothing regardless of what other people told me.

I wouldn't accept "having" to do it. To me it's a matter of personal honor -- I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not, especially something so fundamental to a person.

Quote from: Pinkfluff on January 29, 2011, 09:39:53 PM
I wouldn't accept "having" to do it. To me it's a matter of personal honor -- I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not, especially something so fundamental to a person.

Me to. Not just honour but living that was was totally cold and hollow. I was seriously suicidal before I escaped and everybody knew it. I had one miraculous near-miss with suicide just days before SRS became a possibility.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  Either way I would still be depressed, and probably be diagnosed with Disthymia, and spend the rest of my life on anti-depresants. And generally miserable.

I tried to transition many times from the late 70's to finally going to a clinic in the early 80's (but i didn't have the funds until the 90's)  and i also played around with suicide and if i hadn't kept hanging on i would have never had the chance to experience the change. For me the change was good but the way some people reacted to me was not what i wanted so here i am dressing down and living in the mountains to keep those people from desiring me.

Don't give up because you can do this and find happiness but remember you can't always get what you want but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need.

Think of what your going through as what you need to inspire you to trudge along and scrimp and save and finish what you started. The road traveled is as much fun and exciting as the destination. Once your there what will you do???   Your gonna look for the next thing to change   thats what so enjoy this transition

Quote from: Elijah on January 29, 2011, 07:20:40 PM
not only would I feel worthless, i would feel dead, like I wasn't really living, alive but dead, like a zombie.

Yeah.  That is totally me.  I have all this intelligence, but I feel like I am completely mindless.

Anyway, my dysphoria is starting to set in again today.  I'll try not to post too much in this thread.  The last time I was about to reply, I became emotionally compromised.

I did think that my life was worthless and pointless back when i was pretending to be male...nothing I achieved or succeeded at was down to my ability I always believed that people were giving me an easy ride or just being nice. I'm still trying to get over those feelings of pathetic worthlessness.

No.
I'm a social chameleon; I can usually blend in with any group, gender, role, whatever. If I couldn't be a woman, then I'd simply blend with whatever role I needed to exist through the rest of my life.
I wouldn't be totally miserable either, I'd be able to have happy moments and moments of joy, but I would still be really, really pissed that I couldn't be a woman, but since being a woman is impossible in this scenario, I would Learn To Deal™.
There are worse things than having to be male for the rest of your life.