Moms are the disaproving ones? Why is it that every FTM's mom (That I know personally, not making assumptions)  is the one to be disaproving of their son? It seems like the women of the family are the ones to object when the men are just kinda 'whatever' about it.

On a similar note, does anyone else feel kinda bad about females wanting to include you? I hate that. I feel bad declining them but not as bad as I would feel if I was included in doing feminine things I'd be uncomfortable with.

i don't know exactly where you are going with the second  question, but my mom is much more accepting then my dad.  My dad is very in denial about it, and changes the subject whenever i mention something about it, but my mom uses the correct name almost all the time now, and uses the right pronouns about 80 % of the time now.  she also tries her best to understand and support me, and she lets me talk to her about this kind of stuff.  she even goes to 'lauras playground' to learn more about transsexual people.

if my mom is just an exception, and you are right. well its probably because (generally) every dad wants a son, and every mother wants a daughter.  These mothers expected their 'daughters' to grow up, be blushing brides, have kids, be feminine and beautiful, so when their 'daughters' try to transition those hopes are smashed.  also, these mothers are (generally) cisgendered women, they dont understand why someone would want to be a man when they could be a woman, because they are so happy in their gender.  thats why it seems women are less accepting of trans men, then men are, tell a guy you are an FTM, he can at least understand why it you would 'want to be a guy'

I didn't tell my parents yet but I suspect my dad would be okay with it and mum would be against. My dad is just really cool with these stuff (also when I came out as bisexual); my mum cares more about "what the neighbours will say", maybe if there would be no neighbours on planet earth she wouldn't care

On the second question I'm with you. I have this girl friend, all of our friends call us "the most feminine girl we've ever met and the least feminine girl we've ever met". She's really like straight from Legally blonde (just less dumb) and somehow she feels the need to stress out my biological sex as many time as she can. It amazes me how someone SO female as her is needs so much gender confirmation.

Quote from: Darner on January 29, 2011, 07:34:52 PM
I have this girl friend, all of our friends call us "the most feminine girl we've ever met and the least feminine girl we've ever met". She's really like straight from Legally blonde (just less dumb) and somehow she feels the need to stress out my biological sex as many time as she can. It amazes me how someone SO female as she is needs so much gender confirmation.

Maybe she's insecure and overcompensating :p

My mom isn't exactly unaccepting, but she seems to have a harder time getting used to it than my dad.  She was kind of attached to the idea of me as a girl.  Maybe moms feel like FTMs are distancing themselves from them by changing sex?  Like, I find you so vile I can't even be the same gender as you.

my dad is totally against it and my mum is whatever about it.

and i think i get what you mean about hanging out with girls - i usually avoid it. buuuut, my closest friends are all girls... idk, i just don't want to be in a whole group of girls, cause then people seem to think that everyone in the group is a girl :/

Oddly I've noticed more of the opposite, mums being supportive and dads not.

My mum is 100% supportive and my dad wont even speak to me anymore. My mum though very quickly got that I was never going to be a girly girl whereas my dad was still buying me make up for my birthday at 16.

I hate it too, makes me super dysphoric being seen as one of the girls.

My dad died when I was 20. I had only come out as "liking girls" at 16, and didn't come out as transgender until a year after he died. He took my liking girls better than the woman I refer to as the womb renter. We once had a convo that went something like this:

Her: "You're a liar. You're nothing like the transsexuals on Montel's show."
Me: "Thank Goodness."
Her: "You can't be trans. You do not play sports nor have you ever."
Me: "Yeah, I have a muscle disease so you wouldn't let me. Remember?"
Her: "You're still a liar."

Needless to say, we no longer speak. I think my dad would be cool with it. The hardest part is he already had three boys. I was supposed to be his only girl, so he would have been sad about that.

It definitely seems to depend on the person more than the gender.  I'm not out to my parents, and I've been trying to envision their reactions to prepare for it.  I'm closer to my dad, and he tends to have a live and let live sort of attitude.  He also seems to have a better idea of who I actually am.  (For example, he apologized in advance for my christmas presents, as he was out of town when the shopping took place.)  However, I have heard him making fun of trans women on occasion, which doesn't exactly bode well.  My mother and I get along, but we don't even try to understand each other.  She is a lot more concerned about what others think and tends to deny anything that doesn't fit into her perfect reality.  However, she is much more supportive of people who don't fit the norm and tends to chew my dad out when he makes comments.  Anyways, I guess there's only one way to find out.  Here's hoping they'll both be cool with it.

Both of my parents are unaccepting.  My mom is more in the open about it though (she will have arguments with me about it) and my dad is more private (he smoked a whole package of cigarettes over it and I think cried some private tears).  It's hard to tell the "degree" of disapproval.  I think all parents react differently regardless of gender.

As for females including me, yeah it does feel weird sometimes.  My boyfriend and I hang out with a lot of cis straight couples, and when ever the group breaks off into groups, it's usually boys in one group and girls in the other.  I always get grouped with the girls of course.  I don't mind hanging out with my female friends at all, but it is kind of telling how I'm always expected to be in the girls' corner even though I'm out to them all.

I'm not out to my parents yet and I'm not sure how they'll react.  I think my dad will be more ok with it than my mom, though.  I'm pretty sure my mom suspects it just from comments she's made (mostly negative ones) like "don't cut your hair like that, you'll look like a dyke" and then she looks at me with this scared look on her face like she's waiting for me to say "I AM a dyke" or something like that.  Plus I've accidentally left this page up before and then went to get something and then came back to find her looking out the window right over my computer in my room (back when I lived with her) and that same scared look on her face tells me she saw the site and has some inkling what it's about.  But I think she just thinks I'm a lesbian.  I'm not sure she thinks I'm trans.  I don't think she'll ever really accept it, though.  My aunt, her sister, lives with us and she's a lesbian and my mom accepts it but is always showing her disapproval with her tone of voice, even though she's known for over 20 years.  So I think for the rest of my life my mom will have that disapproving, condescending tone in her voice.  Kinda like "do whatever you want, I don't care" while the tone is saying otherwise.  It's how she is with a lot of things I do she doesn't like.  My religion, for instance.

My dad on the other had I think has always thought I was a boy.  He's always taught me sports and then expected me to excel at them and be all agressive and stuff and he loves the fact that I liked sports better than "girl stuff" and that I've always hated makeup and dresses and never took too much interest in boys.  He slaps me on the shoulder and calls me "bud" and pretty much treats me like, I'm assuming, he'd treat a boy.  He loved me as his little tomboy and I think, after some adjustment, he'll love me as his boy.  Plus he's in prison right now and is so into family that I know he'd never abandon me no matter what.  He's too worried about us abandoning him.  I think he'll be upset about me changing so much while he's in there, but if I still love and support him when he gets out I'm sure he'll still love and support me.

Supposedly a lot of lesbians have problems with FTMs too, but in my experience its anything but. My mom is a lesbian and she's the most supportive person on the planet.

All of the (few) important guys in my life are like 'whatever, if that's what makes you happy'/'if that's how you feel.'

My mum I think is in denial. I'm not complaining (much) because she's a million times better than some I've heard about. She calls me by my new name and will grudgingly organise haircuts and doctors appointments if asked, but she refuses to stop calling me her daughter, or my dog's 'mother'. Instead of saying my name she now more often calls me 'miss' or 'madam' or anything else along those lines.

My father and step-father on the other hand just shrug it off and say if that's what I want it's my choice and they're behind me, and both are making an effort to avoid female pronouns and labels, if not replace them with male ones.

As for the chick group thing, I really don't have many (read: any) friends, so I don't ever find myself in those sort of social situations. I suppose if I was somehow invited with a group of girls to go and get my nails done or something I'd be pissed, and offended. And my disphoria would skyrocket again... The silly thing is I paint my nails (black) anyway, but being a part of that usually female only activity with a bunch of girls would really freak me out. 

ftm's I've met - it's the dad's who are unnaccepting (my dad included) and the moms that tend to be okay with it.

My dad has always been cool with my decision.  He told me he would try to support me in any way he could, but he just can't support the process financially.  When I told him the price of injections under his insurance, he was cool with that, but I'm going to pay for legal fees like the name change, etc. 

My mom on the other hand was mortified at first but mainly concerned for my safety.  Her seeing Boys Don't Cry didn't help much in that department either.  But I told her "mom, that's why I need your support.  People are hesitant to ->-bleeped-<- with trans people who come from supportive families."  She was always worried about me getting my ass kicked, or getting raped or killed simply cause I'm trans.  I told her that people in general face all those challenges.  There was one time that pissed me off when she referred to Thomas Beattie as "that pregnant a** h*le."  I wasn't too impressed with that conversation.

Two years later mom was more pleasant to talk to.  Not only that, but she's super supportive now and goes to all the GLBT events with me.  She even had a rainbow umbrella which she decorated with "GLBT Ally" and various symbols associated with the movement.  She openly speaks out against parents who disown their GLBT children and abandon them.  I admire her for that because even though she and I had our share of arguments/fighting over my decision, she never once gave me up to live on the streets.

In my experience the FTMs I've met have mainly had trouble with their mothers....either that or both parents disapproved.  Off topic a little, but still relevant is in terms of the lesbians I've met, their mothers struggled way more than their fathers.  I don't really know why though.

EDIT: Something else I wanted to add about my mom is that she voted against gay marriage way back when....I think it was in 1999/2000?  Needless to say it was a long process for me to come out just simply in terms of my sexual orientation...let alone my gender identity.

Neither my mom nor dad disapproved.
My mom, however, has been much faster with the pronouns/name thing.

I mean really its been 2 years since my top surgery, a year and a half since I started hormones, and at least 9 months since I legally changed my name and gender and its still "the girls" [referring to my sister and I] and pronouns are still all out of whack... AND I'm home at least once or twice a week so its not like its not prevalent.

alas, I shouldn't complain though. 
and I've gotten a might bit off topic.

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I think that mothers would have the potential to be more disapproving of FTMs because of the "mother-daughter" bond thing.  I'm sure lots of moms are/were excited to have that when they found out they were having a girl, and its gotta be tough to let go of.   

My mom pretty much doesn't give a donkey about it (though I haven't spoken to her much since I told her, we had a big, unrelated, fight soon after). My dad... we've always had a pretty good father-daughter dynamic, and he's the one person I've always felt 'okay' about being female around. So my attitude towards him is that I don't care how he sees me, male or female, I'm always going to be his daughter and that's fine. I didn't even realize that until I started typing this up.

When I told my dad he said that he loves me no matter what. When I told my mom she said "I can't help you with that". Not really sure what that means so I'm working on writing her another email asking for clarification.

Troy

my mom has been nothing but accepting. My dad didnt really seem to care when I told him, but he is definitely less supportive then my mom.

Max - I do not have many if any friends either. It sucks sometimes. Just wish I had people to hang out with. Ya know?

My mom is slowly coming around the it, she calls me Jake more frequently now and sometimes even uses male pronouns. I haven't seen my dad in like six years but I know he doesn't approve at all. I think probably my grandpa hates it the most. It's not that he doesn't support me or love me, he does. A lot. That's kinda the problem. He wants me to be his little girl and everything, you know?