it really is. if i went back about 5 years, i was so much different than i am now, but since i started the transition, i'm actually caring about my life, taking interest, and feeling like i'm finally about to discover my true self. a couple years ago, i was just depressed, didn't care about anything, took hardly any interest in anything. i wanted to die. i really felt like my life was going nowhere, and that i was gonna end up just transitioning, but probably not 100%. when i was asked what i wanted to be when i grow up or "what are you gonna do with your life?" it always just depressed me because i knew i really didn't want to do anything, but die somewhere along the line. inevitably, that's probably what would've happened if i didn't become stronger of an individual. also, i felt like i was worth nothing. i felt like i had no reason to have passion for anything, because i also have asperger's, and have been treated like scum by lots of people. the worst part was, no one understood me. no one understood why i had the problems i did. i just thought that was as good as my life was going to get. i thought i didn't deserve a good life or that i lived such a crappy one for such a long time, that i thought a good life was a joke. now i feel much less bitter, much less angered at everyone and everything around me, and can just say "i know i'm good enough. if you want to treat me like scum or pretend to be better than me, whatever." the sad part is, i really thought those people were better, and that was just my fate, and i did learn. those people truly felt they were worth it, so they did whatever the hell they wanted. that's why nothing bothered them. i'll just say to everyone who treated me like scum and to everyone who still thinks they are better than me today, screw you! i don't need you in my life.
