The therapist and I clicked immediately.

My friend that recommended her, was spot on. Very open minded... non judgmental and she clearly had experience in this area.

After this initial appointment, she agreed with what I've been feeling inside.. this inner peace and happiness that has swept over me these last 8 days, are directly correlated with my acceptance of who I am truly am inside.

Have a followup appointment  two weeks from Wednesday.

Confided in my first family member as well today, my older sister.. who said that she supports me 100 percent and loves the person not the gender.

She's also the 2nd person who has volunteered to help me get some much needed help with makeup!... the other person being a coworker who's been like a second mother to me, literally since my own mother passed away from cancer in 2000/2001.. don't remember the exact year, have tried to block it out. The coworker at work? Was also a hair stylist for 20 plus years... hell yeah!

5-5 on acceptance so far, quite a roll. Positively giddy about things and ready to face the challenges that lie ahead and I know things will indeed be hard at times, this is a major process and there will be times when I get down about things.

Bring it on I say! Not going to hold myself back any longer, I refuse to go back to where I was before... when depression and suicidal thoughts were the norm.

Must keep moving forward... knowing that eventually the body will match the mind!

Woohoo!!

   Feeling that you've got things in motion is a truly wonderful feeling! I think that what kept me sane during my early transition is the feeling of progression.. like I was moving forward.

   If your coming out process will be anything like mine, that feeling of peace and contentment will grow; I left every therapy session feeling empowered to take the next step. Every time I came out to someone I felt a little less weight on my shoulders; I felt equipped to handle the negative reactions and became encouraged by the positive ones.

  You're coming up on a truly amazing part of your life... Enjoy it! I'm truly happy for you!

Jessica

It's amazing Jessica!

I told my therapist that while most people think I'm exaggerating, prior to finding my true self 8 days ago... I was quite literally unhappy for nearly every day for a solid 15 or 16 years.

She said "I don't think you are exaggerating at all, you've been carrying around a lot"

I want to do something irrational at this point, not irrational in the sense of random drugs... never been into the whole drug thing.

Irrational in the sense that I want to go outside and just randomly scream at the top of my lungs.... I'm a girl!

Don't know if this is 'normal' (not that normal really exists in such a situation, I imagine it's different for all of us)

Anyway... have found my mannerisms subtly changing to more feminine ones these past 8 days. I'm not trying to make things that way, it's just sorta happening.. almost like on a subconscious level I'm telling myself it's okay.. embrace who you are. No need to hide things anymore.

It's getting to the point, where I have to be careful (for now) about my mannerisms at work.

Of course that aspect could all be in my head, all I know is that 8 days of sustained happiness is overwhelming in every sense of the word. This is coming from someone who's 31 and was maybe happy for a day and a half to two days at a time, if they were lucky for the past 15 some odd years.

Not my intention to come across as a drama queen, just expected more people to be happy for me.

I've in the span of a mere nine days have gone from wanting to kill myself nearly every waking second and simply waiting for the right time to fly to San Fran and jumping off The Golden Gate Bridge to loving life.

Just a little disheartened is all, not going to dwell on it... will remain happy regardless. Happiness is addictive and I refuse to go back to where I was.

Honestly know I should have never even posted this reply, blame it on the magic that is Bell's Hopslam (over indulged at that) seriously.. Hopslam is one of the best beers in the world and worth indulging for any of you that like beer.

What it boils down to, is I thought more people... especially those that have lived through this sort of thing, would be happier for me.. would have likely never posted, if it wasn't for my 'liquid courage'

Sorry if that makes me greedy...

As stated above, going to remain on this addictive high regardless. Have a lot of family and friends support... which means a lot and I know it's not a luxury that some have, but could still use as much support from my trans brothers and sisters as possible.

Hopefully that doesn't make me weak.

Edit:

Okay I am greedy, not going to sugarcoat things... maybe I'm simply longing for those that have gone through this sort of thing... especially those further along, to let me know things will be okay.

In the meantime, going to go back to my facebook page and listen to some random reggae and fast paced punk rock.

I didn't see your post before today, or I would have congratulated you on the triumph!  It's awesome that you have supportive people around you!

Hi, for some reason I didn't see you post earlier either.

I totally understand what you have experienced.  For me it came out of what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown, and an extreme experience of depersonalisation and total loss of self-identity. For a couple of weeks I just went through the motions like a robot, then slowly started to rebuild myself into the person I should have started to become at 15 or so.

I went from feeling like a total non-person to finding someone completely new, and have been so much happier I cannot recognise the person who inhabited this body up to 18 months ago.
So, it isn't just a flash in the pan, it is feeling life really  is great, even when something is happening that is giving me a hard time. That will pass and I will still be here and smiling.

Hugs, and have a great day.    Sandra (although I think Alison  might be better)

I'm happy for you!

Very happy for u as well...I am about to go to my 3rd session this Friday. I too love my therapist.
For some reason I always felt there would be all negative things said til I went. Now I KNOW havn a therapist is the best way to journey...My 1st visit was male mode and the 2nd was female. I rec great compliments from her and the staff...So again congrats!!!!

Thanks everyone!

and sorry for being a diva above, had a few beers in me. 

tiffany.

Many of us read your post. I'm sure we all are happy for you. But don't read anything into the lack of response.

Take care love.

That is great news. My first therapy session was one of the happiest times of my life-finally there was someone who truly understood what I was going thru. I felt (like in the Wizard of Oz)  I had just gone from the black and white into the color parts-now it seemed that things would be ok after all. That was a little over a year ago-much has changed-much has not. Counselling showed me that there are some things I cannot do by or for myself-and that things will work out ok.

Randi

Quote from: tiffany_marie on February 02, 2011, 10:51:46 AM
and sorry for being a diva above, had a few beers in me. 

Beer is good for a girl.  But don't drink too much, or you will start to act funny 

Glad to hear things are looking up for you (:

I met with my therapist for the first time two months ago . We also clicked very well which I found suprising , I've never had a good experience with a male doctor . Unfortunatly I found out the last time I saw him that he is retiring and moving away in a few months . He said there will be another therapist taking his place , I'm most certainly rather nervous to meet him/her but it's a step in the right direction .

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.