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To those of you who have come out at work.

Started by Sandy, January 14, 2007, 10:17:25 AM

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Sandy

I have a question.

How did it go for you?  Were you the first?  How easy was your transition?  How long did it take?  And were you 24/7 up to that point?

The obvious reason I ask is that I'm about to start down that path myself.  I've already identified myself to one of the LBGT diversity people at my office and, frankly, he was delighted!  I may go into the details of that contact and subsequent meeting, but that could be a lengthy post all by itself.  Suffice to say that I am accepted and encouraged to be true to myself.

Apparently I'm not the first transsexual there, but I will be the first MtF.  The company recognizes that they have a hole in their diversity guidelines as far as the transgendered are concerned and are looking forward to being able to address it properly.

So as it turns out, I and the FtM transsexual at my company will be asked to contribute to the policy for the transgendered and transitioning.  Oh gawd...

Certainly flattered, and really proud of my organization, but to be asked for my experiences for the basis of policy, oh wow.

So I'm asking you all who have transitioned on the job.  What went right?  What went wrong?  What would you change, then, and now?

These answers and anything else you want to add will help me come up with my own time line for my transition and will also be helpful in contributing to our policy.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

-Sandy
Out of the darkness, into the light.
Following my bliss.
I am complete...
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Melissa

I transitioned sucessfully at work and I'm sure you can find lots of info in my posts from around June and July last year.  To answer your questions:

How did it go for you?
Better than expected.  I don't think it could have gone better.

Were you the first? 
Yes, they also didn't have any policies in place for Gender Identity, but were very accomodating

How easy was your transition? 
At work?  Quite easy.  I came out to HR on June 15, the execs and my manager thenext couple weeks and then the rest of the employees on July 7.  I then went fulltime on July 8 (Saturday) and on my first day back to work on the 10th, everyone switched to my new name and female pronouns and was very good about it.  Since I've transitioned, I could count the slips on one hand (and I wouldn't need to use all my fingers either).

How long did it take?
3 weeks

And were you 24/7 up to that point?
Huh?  No, I was 24/7 after I went fulltime including coming out to everyone at work.  Since 24/7 implies being fulltime at work--24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  If you meant, was I part time living as female, then yes.

Melissa
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Steph

#2
Although I was extremely nervous, scared and worried but I shouldn't have been.  I have to say that my transition went without any problems.  I guess you could say that I was blessed as I couldn't have asked for anything better.

The scariest part for me was work.  I wasn't full time but managers and employees had their suspicions that all was not right with P***.  It got to the point where I had to transition or leave and find new work, so I decided to transition.  I started with a letter to my area manager, who in turn contacted head office, and HR.  They arranged a meeting and from that meeting we decided on a schedule on my coming out that would work for me and the employer.  Apparently I was the first in Canada but there were others in the US branches.

My employer arranged sensitivity training for the other employees, and once that was completed they conducted harassment training to ensure that everyone was aware of the diversity policy of the company.  Four weeks before the date I was to go full time the company conducted briefings with all employees to let them know what was going to happen and that on Aug 8th, P*** would return to work as Stephanie and that I would be afforded all the appropriate rights, privileges, etc.

This whole process started in November and was completed on August 8th, maybe too long for some but just right for me, as it gave the employer, the employees and myself time to prepare.  My transition at work was very successful and I continue to work for the company and I recently received a pay raise effective on Jan 1st, 2007 :)

I strongly advise anyone who is considering transition at work to read through our Wiki article found here:

https://www.susans.org/wiki/The_Closet

if for no other reason but to understand what to expect.  Knowledge is power, so become knowledgeable about your company, your company policy WRT diversity, harassment, and human rights issues etc. read and read, then read some more.

Steph
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Stormy Weather

At my current job, I'm definitely out to the people that matter in HR; I'm the only trans person there as far as I know.

As a large national charity, we have an extremely rigourous and comprehensive diversity policy as well as union representation and there's been no question of any problems, except some slight niggles over how much time I intended to take off for surgery at the time, which was covered by me using some annual leave. Subsequent periods of leave for further surgery were not quibbled with at all.

I had been living full-time well before starting there, so there weren't the problems associated with transitioning on the job. Most of the heavy lifting in terms of transitioning was done when I was freelancing.

You raise a timely point for me though as I've been thinking of joining in and contributing to the internal diversity group and hopefully leaving some policy pointers in place for others who might follow in my footsteps one day. The material on Press for Change's website (http://www.pfc.org.uk/), although UK-specific, might be helpful for others in a similar situation.

Good luck! :)
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cindianna_jones

I did the deed over 20 years ago.  And I did it in Utah.  It did not go well to say the least.  One of my church leaders was my plant manager.  I worked for a business that I had helped start and that had been purchased by one of the the large computer companies.  When everything fell apart, I worked out a severence package with them. My lawyer worked out the details.  Out of all the things that happened, there was one that absolutely stunned me...  Here is a quote from my book.  In this short paragraph, David was the lawer for the company who flew in from out of state for this meeting, Dennis was the plant manager for the company .  Ellen was the HR rep.

The lawyer David smiled.  "I have to tell you this Cindi. Dennis told me that after he talked to you the first time. he called in a psychiatrist sympathetic to his religious beliefs.  Dennis implemented the advice he received from this doctor.  Now Cindi, this had nothing to do with the company.  The advice he received was to take away your responsibilities, to give you nothing to do, and to apply constant pressure concerning your religious beliefs.  He said that... "If you do this, he will commit suicide or quit within 6 months". Dennis talked to me this morning and told me proudly "Well I guess that it worked didn't it? Cause the little queer is leaving."  Cindi, I am ashamed that this happened.  I admire your fortitude, because indeed you can sue us.  But I've had a long talk with Ellen here. We both know that you are an honest person and that you will be successful wherever you go.  I've only known you briefly. I wish you the best of luck."

David, the lawyer, was one of the most decent men I had ever met.  He put a lot at risk to divulge this. I'll never really understand exactly why he did.  But after our brief conversation, he had gotten to know me some and realized I had no malicious intent.  I only wanted to get on with my life.  From that point forward, I would leave the state and get on with my life. 

Cindi
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Sandy

Thank you all for your replies.  It actually makes me feel better about this.

Just to clarify, on the 24/7 question, I did mean 24/7-40, in other words everywhere but work.  You all seemed to figure that part out anyway.

Cindi your experience was so terrible!  I'm glad it worked out for you.  Thank you for your help.

I'll keep you posted as this progresses for me.

Thanks!

-Sandy
Out of the darkness, into the light.
Following my bliss.
I am complete...
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Sarah Louise

I am self employeed so transitioning at "my" office was a non event.  However, transitioning at each of my clients offices was a different matter totally.

I had a few clients who would not accept my transition, so I lost them as clients (that hurt, they were a couple of real good customers).  Those who were supportive, have been very supportive and none of them had any problems in properly addressing me or use of the "facilities" in their offices.

I ended up talking with groups of employees at each of the offices I did work for (all fairly small offices, none over 15 employees) most of the women were not surprised when I told them, they all suspected anyway, the men were caught totally off guard and it took them longer to accept.

This has been several years ago now and any new employees have no idea of the past.

Sarah L.
Nameless here for evermore!;  Merely this, and nothing more;
Tis the wind and nothing more!;  Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!!"
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LynnER

My work transition was alittle diffrent....  I didnt tell anyone when I was hired but this company performs extensive drug testing...  The HRT showed up and I was pulled out of training and they were going to fire me for "cheating" on my drug test......  The 3 top members of management and the directors of HR and ER were there aswell as the head of site security....  Totaly nerve wracking... I had to explain that I was TS and explain I was on HRT....  I was asked to bring a coppy of my perscription and a letter from my theripist to verify all that and they let me go.....  Basicly I was outed at that point, but nothing was ever said or done after that.  I quit my job there when I detransitioned....

When I went back I didnt have the same troubble because it was allready on record, security again pulled me out of my retraining and took me to the little office and when the head of HR walked in she said "Oh, its you... go back to class"

Anyways to get to the point, when I desided to go full time I notified the HR/ER department and upper management...  HR put together packets which went into the sites team huddles explaining that a TG person was going to be comeing out and how to properly refer to them, and stressing proffesional courticy.  It went well for the most part... I did cause a small upset by going FT two days earlyer than origonaly planned... and due to the name change situation I was constantly getting in troubble with our QA department,  for useing a false voice and name... were not supposed to do that... My management shielded me as much as they could but I was happy to get out of there when I did  :)
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