I have found since my mtf wife began transition 2 years ago that I sometimes come to a place of questioning with regard to my own gender identity. I have over the course of my life been a very confident, assertive female in the role of "boss" at a retail business that I created, and now as a "farmer" in a second career business. I like the parts of me that I consider to be masculine parts of me: eg. standing up for justice, carrying big rocks up hills, feeling free to wear comfortable clothing, fixing stuff around the house, taking an interest in the car, ...I could go on. I also like the parts of myself that I consider feminine: eg. loving the sensuality of fabrics, cooing babies, singing the high notes with abandon, looking in the mirror and liking what I see when I choose a really good outfit, and wearing really cute panties (as long as they are reasonably comfortable!).

On a good day, I can say I enjoy challenging the gender binary - always have. But other times, I am aware of  feelings of self loathing, confusion, anxiety, and well...questioning.

I'm sorry to be off-topic I have a feeling you guys might be able to relate to my anxiety even though most of you are a generation younger than me. I've never really thought that that particular anxiety might actually be seen to be gender dysphoria. Reading this thread brought that up for me.

What I really want to say to all of you is that I really appreciate this thread. I love your expressions of yourselves, what you care about, what helps you to feel like yourselves. I don't know if what I am experiencing is gender dysphoria. I do know a therapist can help me unravel that for myself. Thank you so much for helping me bring that question to the light (again). Even if it did make me cry!

Now, get back to the OP topic! 

Quote from: jayunit on February 05, 2011, 06:14:58 AM
I like this thread. It's not sad at all :/

I mean come on, we are transGENDERed people. GENDER is the role in society as masculine and feminine .

Wearing boxers, mens clothes, having shorter hair, using the mens room, going by the male pronoun, male name, having a flat chest etc. are a part of masculinizing ourselves so that we are comfortable with our selves but also in society.

Obviously we don't have to perfectly fit the masculine role, we can go against it like wear eyeliner, tight jeans, longer hair, and be comfortable with it because we are finally overall comfortable with who we are and how we fit in our role in society. And yes, it is okay for women to not shave, wear mens clothes, look "butch" and be proud of it but how many of us when we looked like that didn't feel pride? Because we weren't comfortable with it because that wasn't us.

Oh...and I really wanted to say that I especially appreciated Jay's(?) post. If I had the power or if I knew how to give you a reputation post, I would.

Deeper voice
Feeling like myself at last!
stronger body
more red blood cells!
Faster in sports
Being called Son, mate, buddy, etc.
Not expected to date/marry/be interested in guys
Women will stop expecting me to be interested in (or know about) womens clothes, babies
Get better presents for xmas, no more make up kits, or girly clothes
Buy nicer clothes, better quality suits and shoes
Be able to introduce my girlfriend to others without being afraid of their reactions
At hotel receptions, be able to get a double bed in our room with my gf and not get rude stares, or 2 single beds

So much more.... thank god for medical advances and HRT!

Quote from: kyle_lawrence on February 05, 2011, 11:07:54 AM
oh yeah, and I also really enjoy confusing people.  Watching the hamster wheel slowly spin as they try to guess my gender.  Knowing that I have forced someone to think outside the binary, even if it was just for a second.

I gotta admit I love this. I've seen some older male customers at work staring at me with this burning anger in their eyes, trying to put the pieces together. My name tag is unisex (I go by Chris), my voice is debatable whether it's feminine or masculine (high-pitched guy, or low-pitched female?), my breasts are practically non-existant, and my stance, figure and speech pattern is typically that of a young adult male.

I'm guessing more people settle with me being a very butch lesbian, but occasionally I get a few who see me as I want to be seen.

And THAT is what I like the most in the end. Being seen and accepted as I am.

Quote from: Ruby on February 05, 2011, 12:23:18 PM
Oh...and I really wanted to say that I especially appreciated Jay's(?) post. If I had the power or if I knew how to give you a reputation post, I would.

There should be a thumb;s up icon and a thumb's down icon next to his info on the left. Hit the thumb's up if you want to increase his rep.

Thumb's down if yer a hater.

 After some physical change, I don't get random guys talking dirty on streets. It used to get my nerves and had to hold myself from shout something back. Im glad I don't have to deal with it anymore.