So, I really don't like my looks... I see myself as really ugly, with a huge nose and massive eyes and ears. I have been told many times by both friends and strangers that I am not ugly, and that I look feminine. Yet despite these compliments and comments, I still see an ugly person in the mirror. I believe myself to be hideous, and I wonder if people are lying to me or if it's all in my head...

If other people can see me as feminine and stuff, why can't I see it?

i don't know. it sounds like you have body dysmorphic disorder. either that, or really bad self esteem.

Ashley.

Think of a canvas. It's pretty ugly, usually has stains, creases, rips. But people create quite amazing images onto it, by exploiting what the canvas has.

The first thing to deal with is your self image. Then you can start to adapt it to suit different situations. A smile is every humans greatest asset. I knew a girl who had a front tooth missing. When she smiled she look so much like a naughty child, everyone warmed to her. I'm not saying that would work for everyone, but that's how she dealt with what she had.

Look, I'm sorry, but you need to understand that these things take time. Some girls seem to naturally become quit stunning at a particular age. But they mature like the rest of us. Sometimes not quite so beautifully.

I would say the reason you feel like that might also have something to do with being in your teens! How many teenage girls don't spend their time agonizing over their self-image in the mirror?

It's not just my reflection that bothers me... I awlays feel like people are staring at me cuz they think I'm ugly... I haven't always been like that, and I used to be outgoing and social. Now, I hide my face cuz I'm afraid of people's opinions of me. I've been told many many times that I'm not ugly, yet I still feel and look ugly... I mean, my nose is huge but noone else seems to think so unless they are making fun of me...

Ashley:

We are always our own worst critics.  We will always see things that detract from us, but not see the true beauty that is within.

Really, just step away from the mirror.  Concentrate on your inner person.  Take that image that you see inside of you and live in that.

The mirror lies, don't pay attention to it.

-Sandy

I honestly think it's something more than just teenage stuff or simple worrying... I'm litterally afraid to be seen in public... I wear sunglasses to hide my eyes and a trench-coat to hide my body. I wear gloves cuz I can't touch people, I don't like it when people look at me... I'm a frantic paranoid mess...

while forced to present (as I am not open about all this) as a dude in public, I see myself as an ugly guy... But even when I'm dressed up with makeup and all that I still see an ugly girl... I obsess over the size of my nose, and to me it looks HUGE... I see myself as having a giant nose and everyone seems to stare at it... People go out of their way to point out whats wrong with my looks, I get sick to my stomach if I have to see myself, I look at the ceiling when I take a shower because I cant stand my body, everything about me seems wrong even though people tell me its fine. I hate my personality, I hate the way people treat me (or seem to treat me), I hate all the problems I have, I hate my looks, my body, my hair, my voice, everything... Over the years, I've somehow developed this person that I pretend to be to hide the real me, and I HATE HIM... This persona is so rude, and so vulgar that he drives everyone away... People expect me to be horrible, and noone knows the real me... I'm living a nightmare, and I can't do anything about it...

I have ocd, paranoia, germaphobia, social anxiety disorder, fear of hights, bugs, spiders, the dark, animals, people, I can't use publics restrooms, I cant go out in public, I can't even hand someone money at the grocery store, I space out so bad that I can't drive, I have a terrible temper, I have no social skills, I have noone to support me, noone who cares, my mother seems to want to make life hell, I've overdosed twice on drugs, I cut myself, I can't carry on a conversation, speaking to anyone other than a one on one conversation makes me so nervous I almost puke, I'm horribly claustrophobic, I don't like elevators, I worry too much, my dad is dead, my grandma and grandpa are dead, my sister deserted the family, my other sister is a lazy bum, my family is crazy and loud and annoying and useless, all I have left is my brother and my mom, my mom is difficult to tollerate and seems to think I'm worthless, my brother is a raging jerk who doesn't accept who I am, my family thinks I'm a freak, the world thinks I'm a freak... It's life tries to screw me over at every turn!!

Sorry to rant... I'm so stressed out I'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown... I'm trying so hard to keep it together so I don't end up back in the psych ward at the hospital... I'm just running out of steam, and I'm not sure what to do... I have noone to talk to, noone close who understands me, I have noone...

I just don't know what to do anymore...

I'm honestly about to just fall in the floor and sob till I cant breath or something... I can't take all this... It's only been about a few weeks since I got out of the rehab/psych ward after overdosing on pills... I've been expected to fall right back into our regular routine, and I just can't take it... The first thing I did when I got out, was immediatly I had to pack up my moms luggage to go home!! I had just gotten out of the hospital after almost dieing and she made me pack her suitcase!!

I have not gotten to even talk about what happened, because she says it upsets her... She has cried and made it about her, and is making it seem like she's the victim!!! I was IN the rehab clinic, and she was making ME comfort her!! You know how many times I've gotten to cry about all this? NONE!! I haven't gotten a breack since I got out, I have been forced to go right back to life as it was, and nothing has changed... I feel like I'm slowly spiraling down into another big disaster with my health, and I've gotten lucky too many times... I swear the next time something happens, my lucks gonna run out!! Noone seems to care that I feel his way, noone wants to consider how I feel, noone seem to care...

I cant TAKE IT!!

Suicide isn't even an option, my mom would just make it about her, and I will not let her come across as the victim of MY death!!

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on February 05, 2011, 07:50:56 PM
I'm honestly about to just fall in the floor and sob till I cant breath or something... I can't take all this... It's only been about a few weeks since I got out of the rehab/psych ward after overdosing on pills... I've been expected to fall right back into our regular routine, and I just can't take it... The first thing I did when I got out, was immediatly I had to pack up my moms luggage to go home!! I had just gotten out of the hospital after almost dieing and she made me pack her suitcase!!

I have not gotten to even talk about what happened, because she says it upsets her... She has cried and made it about her, and is making it seem like she's the victim!!! I was IN the rehab clinic, and she was making ME comfort her!! You know how many times I've gotten to cry about all this? NONE!! I haven't gotten a breack since I got out, I have been forced to go right back to life as it was, and nothing has changed... I feel like I'm slowly spiraling down into another big disaster with my health, and I've gotten lucky too many times... I swear the next time something happens, my lucks gonna run out!! Noone seems to care that I feel his way, noone wants to consider how I feel, noone seem to care...

I cant TAKE IT!!

Suicide isn't even an option, my mom would just make it about her, and I will not let her come across as the victim of MY death!!

i feel pretty bad for you. it sounds like your mom isn't there for you, but wants you to be there for her. it sounds like she's too self absorbed, and doesn't care about anyone other than herself. is this how she is all the time? thnking of only herself?

Yeah she is like that pretty much 24/7...

Just in the car ride home from school today, she did it again!! I really want to talk to SOMEONE close to me about my recent drug overdose, and I just need to get some emotion out over it... She refuses to talk about it, and litterally told me that "talking about that makes me depressed, and I don't need any more depression." I've been suffering from horrible depression for almost 10 years of my life!!

She always talks about her hip, her hip, her F***ING hip!! Everything is about her all the time... I know I keep saying this, but I had to let her cry on my shoulder, and had to comfort her saying "oh... I'm sorry mom, it'll be ok... Oh poor mommy..." the morning after I had just had my stomach pumped and was STILL trippy on benedryl... I couldn't even see the sink in my bathroom (which I was litterally touching at the time) yet I had to comfort her?! I needed her to be there for me, but I didnt have that!! I had no support the entire 5 days I was in rehab!!

I dont have support ever... I cant say anything about feeling depressed or hurt without her going off about herself!! All she talked about the day I got out of rehab was how tired she was, and how stressful it has been on her!!!

I've thought about killing myself recently, but it would be pointless... She'd somehow turn out to be the center of attention through my death!! I honestly believe the focus would end up on her, and I WILL NOT have her be the "victim" (note the "" around victim) again!!

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on February 07, 2011, 05:52:43 PM
Yeah she is like that pretty much 24/7...

Just in the car ride home from school today, she did it again!! I really want to talk to SOMEONE close to me about my recent drug overdose, and I just need to get some emotion out over it... She refuses to talk about it, and litterally told me that "talking about that makes me depressed, and I don't need any more depression." I've been suffering from horrible depression for almost 10 years of my life!!

She always talks about her hip, her hip, her F***ING hip!! Everything is about her all the time... I know I keep saying this, but I had to let her cry on my shoulder, and had to comfort her saying "oh... I'm sorry mom, it'll be ok... Oh poor mommy..." the morning after I had just had my stomach pumped and was STILL trippy on benedryl... I couldn't even see the sink in my bathroom (which I was litterally touching at the time) yet I had to comfort her?! I needed her to be there for me, but I didnt have that!! I had no support the entire 5 days I was in rehab!!

I dont have support ever... I cant say anything about feeling depressed or hurt without her going off about herself!! All she talked about the day I got out of rehab was how tired she was, and how stressful it has been on her!!!

I've thought about killing myself recently, but it would be pointless... She'd somehow turn out to be the center of attention through my death!! I honestly believe the focus would end up on her, and I WILL NOT have her be the "victim" (note the "" around victim) again!!

it sounds like she's really taking advantage of you. do you have anyone else close to you that you can turn to? it sounds like she just doesn't care, and isn't going to try to change that.

I don't know where it's coming from though!! She used to be sooooooo nice!! And still is really fun sometimes, but those times are rare... It seems the only time she appears remotly pleasant or nice is when she is talking about herself, something she saw on tv, or some random thing I dont care about!!

She turns off the internet sometimes to force me to spend time with her, during which time she is a bitch!! I can't go five seconds without having to hear about her DAMN hip, or how she thinks my brother is a lazy rebel who isnt going to college. My brother is going to college, plans on it, intends to in every way, has not once even hinted that he isnt!!!!

She is driving me nuts... She complains that she is losing her children to the internet and video games!! When I us my computer, I am running a business!! I work 24/7 on my film projects, mostly because I need a reason to get away from my family!

One thing she does, is insist, even though she knows very well that I cannot look people in the eyes, on me looking her in the eye when she talks to me about anything!! Cuz of my OCD, I cannot stand to make eye contact. It makes me so nervous and if long enough eye contact will give me a panic attack!! Yet, she continues to insist that I look at her when we talk...

She's worried that we'll leave her when we grow up... Damn right I will, cuz she is driving me away!! She makes it hell to live her, yet complains that I plan to leave her and go away!!

Quote from: Ashleyjadeism on February 07, 2011, 06:19:29 PM
I don't know where it's coming from though!! She used to be sooooooo nice!! And still is really fun sometimes, but those times are rare... It seems the only time she appears remotly pleasant or nice is when she is talking about herself, something she saw on tv, or some random thing I dont care about!!

She turns off the internet sometimes to force me to spend time with her, during which time she is a bitch!! I can't go five seconds without having to hear about her DAMN hip, or how she thinks my brother is a lazy rebel who isnt going to college. My brother is going to college, plans on it, intends to in every way, has not once even hinted that he isnt!!!!

She is driving me nuts... She complains that she is losing her children to the internet and video games!! When I us my computer, I am running a business!! I work 24/7 on my film projects, mostly because I need a reason to get away from my family!

One thing she does, is insist, even though she knows very well that I cannot look people in the eyes, on me looking her in the eye when she talks to me about anything!! Cuz of my OCD, I cannot stand to make eye contact. It makes me so nervous and if long enough eye contact will give me a panic attack!! Yet, she continues to insist that I look at her when we talk...

She's worried that we'll leave her when we grow up... Damn right I will, cuz she is driving me away!! She makes it hell to live her, yet complains that I plan to leave her and go away!!

probably the only thing i can come up with. maybe she's going through menopause?

She's almost 56... been there done that I'm afraid...

Maybe she is just all around LOSING HER MIND!! She is mad right now that Im not in the room with her, but I dont wanna watch her damn celebrity gossip shows... Nor do I care at all who's sleeping with who, and who is a slut... If you dont like the people on something, DONT WATCH IT!!!

I seriously wish my mom would get a life and stop ruining mine!! She never leaves the house, cuz of her hip... She talks to noone all day, and will not invite anyone over!! She wants to talk and spend time with me when I get home from school, but I am dead tired by then...

My medication is taking a serious toll on me, including my mental state sometimes. By 4:00 the walls are swirling and shifting and I can't judge distance watsoever!

I seriously wish my mom would get a life and stop ruining mine!

Why not just reverse that?  Why not you get a life and let her to hers?

I cant get a life!! Thats one of my problems...

Noone invites me anywhere... Noone will come over... I have no life...

It isnt that people dont like me, they just dont think about me when they are planning parties and stuff! One year, a friend got everyone christmas presents but forgot one person... Can ya guess who that person was?

Like I give a ->-bleeped-<- about who they forgot on Xmas. Really.  I give presents to those I like, I expect nothing in return.  And, had I waited for anyone to 'ask me' to do anything I'd still be at home some 40 years later.

Yeah but I got that person something for xmas!! And they still forgot me?!

It isnt that I wanted something, its the fact that they didnt even consider me or think of me at all!!

Yeah, it happens.  I give people a gift or two during their life.  I don't expect anything in return, because what I'm giving to them they can not do a turn-a-bout on.  So I give it, and let it be.  That I gave is the important part, that I got.... hell, I can't store (and don't want to) all the stuff I have as it is.

I don't care about what they think about me, I only can care about what I think about them.