That's what happens when the teacher calls out your name for the seating chart at school. So, basically, I'm in a class with a bunch of people that I've never seen.

My teacher was calling out names for the seating chart and I mean, I don't pay attention to the names so I figured nobody else was. I ended up having to sit around a bunch of guys, which was fine with me. The guy sitting behind me and I started talking and we started talking during class and whatnot since then. Nobody around me EVER said "she" or "he" when referring to me, and I was curious to see which they would use.

Of course, my teacher had to say my name, which is girly as anything. So that went out the window.

Anyway, I was talking to the guy that sits behind me and I needed to borrow his notes but I didn't know his name, so I said "you", to which he told me his name. He already knew my name though so I didn't need to tell him mine.

Later on, we started working together and he asked, "No offense, but are you a lesbian or...?"

You see, I'm in a "I'm half out at school" situation. So most people still don't know I'm trans. Which I don't want to have to explain to somebody that might not take it well. So I just shrugged and said, "I don't know." I'm not going to give people the idea that I'm a lesbian. Sure, they might think I am, but I personally won't say I am.

I don't want to slap a label on myself that doesn't fit me. Then again, I didn't want to go through the "Actually, I'm transgendered." thing.

Especially when I have the chance of making a new friend, seeing as I don't even like a good majority of my friends. And I have virtually no male friends, so I didn't want to ruin it.

If we become better friends, I'll tell him.

He said he didn't mean to offend me or anything, but I said it was cool and that I've been asked worst questions.

But still. It does offend me.

There was a transguy at my school last year that was a friend of my best friend, and he would come into the girls' locker room because the school made him use it, screaming to his female friends about how some guy asked if he was a lesbian. Yeah, that's pretty much what I want to do when somebody asks. I don't want to have to freak out and then have people who don't know what transgender is say, "Well, you do look like a lesbian."

I have two solutions.

1. Get over it.
2. Move to a different state (which I might be doing this summer. Of course, I have to officially come out to my mother if I'm going to make being stealth possible.)

That blows, ugh. ><  It's mostly ignorance though, like in the case of your classmate.  A lot of people really don't mean to offend, they just don't understand, even if they have the open mind and capability to.   If the only examples they've seen in the media or in real life of masculine 'females' (since they don't know you're transgendered or even what that means most likely) have been lesbians, that's what they're going to assume.  There's a line between tomboy and masculine, and to that guy, you've clearly crossed it, and that's the only insight he's got to go on.  Rude?  Certainly, but caused by ignorance.

For example, my mother considers herself pretty liberal, and I think when I come out she'll eventually be okay with me transitioning (I'm not out to her yet), but while we were out the other day she asked "so...do you like girls now?  I mean, I noticed a change in your haircuts and how you dress...".  She went on to say "it's totally fine if you do, just to let you know, it's not a big deal to me at all", but it just goes to show how most people don't understand that masculinity/femininity are not necessarily linked to sexual orientation.  My mother's a social worker too with a degree, she took lots of psychology classes, but that whole field has us painted rather unfairly, so any way you slice it, it's an exposure/education issue.

Without coming out and explaining what it means to be transgendered to your classmates (or finding a way to educate without revealing yourself), I don't think you've much of an option but to ignore it for now.   Incidently, I would also like to move to a different state, the population of mine are pretty ignorant of gender issues as well.

Quote from: Jake84 on February 08, 2011, 06:50:08 PM
but while we were out the other day she asked "so...do you like girls now?  I mean, I noticed a change in your haircuts and how you dress...". 

When I came out as trans to my guy friend, he goes "so do you like girls now?". I was like o.O

Yeah, people think I like girls because I have short hair, wear guy clothes etc. I never get hit on by guys anymore :|

Just say no, I am not from the Isle of lesbos, I am *instert nationality here*.

I tell them no, that I'm a guy. I hate when people assume I'm a lesbian but hey, whatcha gonna do about it?

That was the first thing I got from a lot of people-- "So, are you a lesbian now?".  Except some of them used more offensive words.

For me I came out as a lesbian before I realized that being a boy stuck in a girls body was really a real thing. It was hard for me to get everyones idea that I was a lesbian out of their head. Over and over I had to explain the difference between trans and gay, which really isnt a hard concept at all. Now everyone that Im close with understands the diference, and to strangers or other aquaintences I either pass as a boy, or they just assume what they want. Once Im on T for a while, there'll be no question(i hope).

Hey, those "no offence/are you a lesbian" comments are great compared to some stuff I got in high school. One girl (who I had never seen before) overheard someone saying I'm bisexual, and asked me if that means I have both female and male sexual organs.

Be prepared that some people just don't know what this means. To many people, anything starting with "trans" automatically puts an image of a drag queen or pornographic images of "she-males" in their heads. They don't know what the average transwoman looks like, let alone the far less visible transman.

But, you just have to find your own way to deal with it - however is most comfortable for you. Personally, I like Jake's response of "No, I'm a guy". Simple and true. Or the "no" and then talk about your girlfriend (if you're really into confusing people). Of course, either of those responses might trigger a series of questions, so decide whether you are prepared to answer those (i.e. "how" and the like).

Right now, I'm only out to my girlfriend (she's sort of known some bits/details for the past couple of years, but only in the last couple of months has it been fully out in the open since she read something I wrote). Everyone else thinks of us as a (female) same-sex couple. I'm debating "coming out" to my close circle of friends, however, I'd hate to make a "thing" of it - something to be announced. I'd just want it to happen naturally somehow. Maybe if my girlfriend and I just start completely referring to me by my nickname (which is more likely to be read as male than female - Ari), and "he". Then they MIGHT catch on, or they'll just think it's some personal thing between us, in our relationship. Grrrrr... I'd like to have people close to me start referring to me as he, but... I don't know how to do it without really saying anything. Ideas?

Being trans, gay, and a wind up merchant has brought me much amusement in the past

are you a lesbian?
no
oh so you're straight?
no I'm gay
wait what....so...you like girls?
nope I like boys
*brain explode*

"Does it matter?"

seems like many people like to streotype and want everyone to fit into a specific box, that just is not the case, i say just be yourself and screw the rest

"look" like a lesbian? Ask him what a lesbian looks like. :x

Quote from: popweasel on February 12, 2011, 09:41:45 PM
"look" like a lesbian? Ask him what a lesbian looks like. :x

apparently you can even look bisexual... at least i heard it on the bus a few times oO

That's a really rude question, and none of his business...  Why do people think it's their right to know this kind of stuff?

Quote from: michaeljay on February 09, 2011, 01:38:14 AM
For me I came out as a lesbian before I realized that being a boy stuck in a girls body was really a real thing. It was hard for me to get everyones idea that I was a lesbian out of their head. Over and over I had to explain the difference between trans and gay, which really isnt a hard concept at all. Now everyone that Im close with understands the diference, and to strangers or other aquaintences I either pass as a boy, or they just assume what they want. Once Im on T for a while, there'll be no question(i hope).

I'm actually in nearly the same situation, I've got a close friend that just doesn't seem to get it, when we're out he'll scream "LESBIANS" at the top of his lungs. Still calls me a girl, still doesn't get it, and it's agitating because I don't want to be a dick to him, but it's getting to the point where he's going to say it at the absolute wrong time and I'm just gonna snap.

People ARE nosy, and half the time they do rude ->-bleeped-<- that's normal to them because apparently-at least in America-a lot of people seem to have this little tic where they feel obligated to know everything about everyone.