I'm not exactly NEW new here. I posted a great deal last spring. I just couldn't handle it, apparently. I spent too much time obsessing over everything related to transitioning and the fact that I wasn't going to. I was plunged into some serious depression. So I deleted my account (regretfully) and I hid under a big angry rock.

I think I can deal now. I'm in a better place now, and my happy meds have finally been straightened out. I was missing at least half a dose 5 out of 7 days a week. Besides, I've missed the support of everyone here.

Since this is a new start, I'll just give a very abridged version of my story.

I, like many people, always knew something wasn't right. I didn't know how to quantify it. I always felt very masculine, and in the wrong skin. I didn't know what transgender was. It took me until about twenty three to make the connection. My parents are both very supportive of my identity, and that's great. My husband is fine with things as they are, but isn't so sure about the whole going on hormones deal. I'm not sure where I stand on it either, honestly. Some days it seems like I'll never be happy without T. Some days I feel like I couldn't care less, and that I don't need it to be okay with myself.

So as it is at the moment, I've had a drastic breast reduction, but still have enough that it needs binding. Not that I ever do. I can't stand the feeling, and it just reminds me that I don't have a flat chest. Not on hormones. No plans to do so in the future. I pack regularly, and it really helps. Just a cheapo packy, though I'm working on changing that. For some reason THAT doesn't mess with me as much as binding my chest.
Name change is final and that ROCKS.

I don't pass, and some days it doesn't bother me. Most days it eats at me. I think in the last year I've gotten a thicker skin. I need to let myself believe that just because I don't transition, doesn't mean I'm not trans. Just because I'm not a macho man, doesn't mean I'm not a man. I'm just a swishy man who likes swishy things, and that should be totally fine. I am done thinking that I'm not _____ enough.

Hi, My name is Rowan, and I'm an awesome boy that likes to belly dance and art and play wow.

Oh.

And I just turned 30 in December.

Hi Rowan,

Welcome back to our little family. Over 5400 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

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I thought the name sounded familiar.

Hugs and Love,
Janet
   

QuoteHi, My name is Rowan, and I'm an awesome boy that likes to belly dance and art and play wow.

Welcome to Susan's Rowan.
It's great to have another awesome cute guy here.

Jillieann

Welcome back to Susan's,  Rowan!

I am sure you already know what a great site this is! I am glad that you have decided to come back, and I look forward to reading more posts from you!

Hugs,
Jacquelyn