I guess I'm a bit confused here. You say you need T, you just need it to go on with your life. Then, you worry about body hair and acne like it's the end of the world. You think you made a mistake by getting a shot, then you know you can't live without getting shots. Which is it? No one here can make the decision for you. This has to fall entirely on you. I think Jake84 summed it up best with "It's second puberty, and most of us didn't look great during the first one, so there's a good chance of having a really awkward phase during hormone therapy", and "You say you're ready to put in the work to getting the body you want, but your attitudes regarding short term inconveniences suggests otherwise."

Transitioning is not easy. You don't just take hormones and magically your life falls into place. At times it's hard. You'll have awkward moments and awkward phases where certain things about you say male and others say female. The question is do you need to do this? I wouldn't advise anyone to transition unless their answer to that question is an unwavering YES.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on February 15, 2011, 11:22:22 PM
Then perhaps you should realize and accept that guys have acne and hair loss and stuff in their pants.  It seems to me you only want your perceived benefits of being a man.  Just know that being a guy is not a ticket to a perfect life.  More then likely you are not going to end up looking like a male model.  You will end up looking like a regular guy with a pot belly, acne, and a bald spot.  Do you think they are happy with the way they look?  They are not.

If that's not good enough for you then you seriously need to re-evaluate your position.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  There are other alternatives to hormones.  Just changing your appearance a little bit can make a big difference.  Try going by a male name and see if that helps you at all.

But I do want some of the effects of T such as deepening of the voice. There's no other way to get that effect without T. And no one will call me Dominick and use male pronouns. I ask them to but they forget all the time and not everyone will do that, such as people at my work. I'm female to them and always will be unless I take T and then they can start seeing me as male and use male pronouns and call me Dominick.  As long as look female I have to use the female restroom and i don't want to.

I'm stuck.

Quote from: blair on February 15, 2011, 11:24:35 PM
I guess I'm a bit confused here. You say you need T, you just need it to go on with your life. Then, you worry about body hair and acne like it's the end of the world. You think you made a mistake by getting a shot, then you know you can't live without getting shots. Which is it? No one here can make the decision for you. This has to fall entirely on you. I think Jake84 summed it up best with "It's second puberty, and most of us didn't look great during the first one, so there's a good chance of having a really awkward phase during hormone therapy", and "You say you're ready to put in the work to getting the body you want, but your attitudes regarding short term inconveniences suggests otherwise."

Transitioning is not easy. You don't just take hormones and magically your life falls into place. At times it's hard. You'll have awkward moments and awkward phases where certain things about you say male and others say female. The question is do you need to do this? I wouldn't advise anyone to transition unless their answer to that question is an unwavering YES.

Yes, I do need to do this, but I'm scared. 

You say you need T, you just need it to go on with your life. Then, you worry about body hair and acne like it's the end of the world. You think you made a mistake by getting a shot, then you know you can't live without getting shots. Which is it?

It's both. I need the shot to get on with my life. Without it I don't think I can get on with my life.




I wish I was never born at all. I think I was a mistake. I've never had a life, so what's the point of still being here if I was born in the wrong body and can't live my life as a male and be seen as male? I just don't want to do anything. I sit home day after day and do nothing all day long. It's what I've done since forever. Every single day of my life has been a waste.

Quote from: Lance M. on February 15, 2011, 11:49:04 PM
i'm really sorry you're so depressed right now. *hug*

never feel like your life is a waste because you were born in the wrong body. and don't feel like waiting for T takes away from your identity or your life either. it has taken me personally a really long time to come to grips with that myself. if you're not ready, you just are not ready. like many others have said before me, this is not a race and the T will always be an option for you. i just think it is so important that you start T with as much certainty as you can - it isn't going to stabilize other issues, just the GID. and even at that we all still have body hangups.

is there anything else that you could do, currently? like, take some classes, volunteer, occupy yourself? if i get isolated the same thing happens to me and i way overanalyze so maybe it might help you out. it isn't the easiest thing to do when you're always perceived as female...i tend to go for places where i know i will be supported. liberal arts classes, volunteer at an LGBT centre, sometimes sexual health centres depending on the facility can be accepting. it really makes a big difference.

Thanks Lance.

I know eventually I would get on T, so I thought I would do it now and get the unpleasant parts over with, acne, downstairs growth, puffy face, weight gain, etc... that way I can be ready and face the world after these stages.

There's nothing really I can do b/c I don't want to do anything in this female body. If I was male, I would try to go out and do things like volunteering at this theater that puts on plays, but I'm extremely shy and anti social so I wouldn't be able to do it if I wanted to. My social skills are very poor.

Quote from: Lance M. on February 15, 2011, 11:51:34 PM
and this...this makes sense, it really does. the negativity of outsiders, refusal to accept us as male...it really makes the situation seem even more desperate. and it isn't fair, to have the sense of urgency because of GID and then from outsiders not accepting you for who you are. honestly they're just stupid...if they cannot see the man you are inside then f@ck them. if there is any way for you to get into a more supportive situation...you should do it. it will reduce the sense of urgency while you figure out how you want to handle your T fears. take my word for it man, been there and done that. you need out.

Yeah, it really sucks. There's really nothing I can do about them not seeing me the way I want to be seen, especially since I look female. Which I get. If you look female your gunna be seen and treated like a female, I get that, but it sucks for me.

I'm sorry, Dominick, but why are you taking T if you're this worried about other aspects of a normal, male puberty? Most people would love to skip right past those awkward, gangly, acne-filled years. You can't have that, sadly, but T will make you into: an awkward teenager with acne, fuzz/fur (depending on your genetics for hair) in new places, your genitals will grow, your voice will start breaking and sound really stupid, you'll develop a new fat pattern, with more fat on the stomach than on the hips/arse. T will not "magically" make you seen as a man by everyone. T will just give you a puberty that most males experience. Nothing more, nothing less.

As for me, I could handle a bit of baldness if I could keep my widow's peak. Dracula balding pattern ftw!! I am a bit chubby, so I'll be a chubby dude. I can handle that. Acne? I already have acne, on my back, on my chest, at least not as much in my face anymore. I have greasy hair and dandruff. Sometimes, my voice "breaks", and it sounds ridiculous.
However, I want the fuzzy moustache-esque face hair thing, I want the ugly acne breakouts, I want the dorky breaking voice, the sex drive, the everything. I want a normal male puberty.
The only thing I'm slightly worried about is the downstairs growth, if it will rub against my clothes and thusly cause embarrassing situations in public (getting turned on by walking, for instance).

Just because you start T doesn't mean your friends etc will start using the right name and pronouns. I am 15 months on T and people still call me female pronouns every now and then and my parents still use my birth name from time to time.

You know this already I'm sure but it's not a magical fix dude. You've had years to think about these trans feelings - but you can't live your life for someone else - even your mother. Maybe that means waiting til you are completely independant etc to get on T but if that's what you want - you need to live YOUR life. If that can't be in your current female form - you need to make an adjustment.

But only you can make that decision.

And you keep saying you want the deeper voice and a selection of the other changes T brings - but you're not willing to accept ALL the changes that happens. Until you're ready to accept everything - T really probably isn't for you at the moment. When it is the only thing left - the only avenue you haven't exhausted, the only thing that will save you. Then take it. But if there are other ways you want to try live your life first do that - before you take life altering hormones.

Again has to be YOUR decision and you have to live with it once you've made up your mind. And stick with the decision - you really can't be ambiguous as you appear to be at the moment.

QuoteIf I was male, I would try to go out and do things like volunteering at this theater that puts on plays, but I'm extremely shy and anti social so I wouldn't be able to do it if I wanted to. My social skills are very poor.

T will not change any of this even a little bit. You will still be who you are gender wise, you can volunteer now as well as after T, you will still be shy and anti social after T if you are now, your social skills will not change even a tiny little idget. DO NOT depend on T to do any of these things.

Quote from: LordKAT on February 16, 2011, 02:03:38 AM
T will not change any of this even a little bit. You will still be who you are gender wise, you can volunteer now as well as after T, you will still be shy and anti social after T if you are now, your social skills will not change even a tiny little idget. DO NOT depend on T to do any of these things.

This is totally true. 


You know Dominick, my doctor gave me a nice little BOOKLET to read about what to expect and not expect from testosterone therapy a couple weeks before I got my first shot.  Then he made me sign a 5 page waiver which included all the psychological, physical, and emotional risks and benefits of taking T (which I read all the way through....both the booklet and the waiver).  I'd known the majority of the information a few years ago anyways because I do my best to make as well-informed decisions as possible.

If just the small changes bother you, then perhaps I shouldn't mention the possibility of an increased risk of heart disease, high cholesterol, liver malfunctions, and possible infertility as a result of taking T (yep, it can permanently alter your ovaries).  Don't know how you feel about all of that stuff, but they ARE very real possibilities on T.

Basically what I'm getting at here is do some serious soul searching and find out the real reasons why you want this so badly and then ask yourself why you keep doubting yourself.  And like someone else here said, you have to NEED to be a male - not WANT it.  Wants and desires are malleable....needs and necessities are homeostatic.

Without reading all the replies, I'm with Phoenix, if acne is what you're worried about, stop taking T. You can't pick and choose what side effects you get dude, just as any other male can't decide if he goes bald at 25 or not. With T, comes the uncertain.

I wanted T to make me more social, more confident, but it hasn't. However, I knew that it probably wouldn't when I took it; I just thought that, with a body that I was more comfortable with, when I eventually did begin to work through my problems I'd be better equipped.  I still think that is true; I am already better equipped to deal with my issues.  But in a sense, there are more issues.  Before I started T, I had this sort of fatalistic view that people would see me as female and I'd just have to deal with it; I never stood up for myself, and I sort of felt like I didn't deserve any better until I looked the part. 

Now, however, I'm still having troubles passing.  I think I've just got one of those "baby faces" that will take time to change, seeing as all the men in my family were mistaken for girls when young (bwahaha), so I am absolutely fine with waiting.  However... Now, I don't take ->-bleeped-<- from anyone.  And that makes life a lot harder.  I think I deserve more, so I am more bothered when those slip ups happen, or when I get read wrongly.  All my old problems are still here; I just feel a little bit more centered, a little bit more comfortable, and on the road to more of that.  It is a long process.

I've always had bad acne, and it has just become a part of life.  We all have to adapt to those things.  In fact, most teenagers get acne, not just guys.  It's not like we can pick and choose these things.  I had constant acne prior to T, and I have constant acne after T.  However, sometimes it's actually better than it was... But at this point, it's really just about "maintaining" it so that it doesn't get horrible.  I am okay with that.  No one wants cystic acne, no one wants to have to go on acutane or an antibiotic.  Everybody hates acne.  But everybody also hates cancer, and baldness, and being too short or too tall, or having a funny nose.  Part of being human is accepting imperfections and things beyond our control.  Just be glad that this in your control: you can choose this, a male puberty that will change your body in ways that you (hopefully) want.  Or you can choose otherwise.  However, that is within your control.

As for downstairs growth... I can't exactly empathize because I was always really excited about it (and have always just wanted more and more), but I didn't feel uncomfortable or anything.  I personally didn't feel pain or discomfort from it rubbing against my clothes.  My sex drive isn't "out of this world", either, but I kind of wanted it to be.  Then again, I've always had a low sex drive.  Everybody is different, and like everyone has said, you just have to accept that. 

There are tons of men and women with more body hair than they want, more acne than they want, a higher sex drive than they want... And they live.  And it goes the other way, too.  There's really nothing anyone can say to change your mind either way... And you shouldn't let other people, either.  But you do need to be certain in yourself.  You either have to be willing to go all the way, or not at all.  That is what I think.

The scary thing for me was always that I'd be rediscovering myself, and learning things that I didn't know before.  It's really an identity upheaval in some ways.  For instance, being a short, balding man is quite different from being a short, androgynous boy.  That does change the way you are perceived and the way you perceive yourself.  But at the same time, you are still you: you can still change the way you are and the way you are perceived.  You won't ever be like "every other short, bald guy"; you'll just be you.  Except with less hair.  Tons of men go through this all the time.  In fact, life itself is a constant metamorphosis, when you think about it.  We're always changing, even cisgendered people, and often in unpredictable ways, due to forces outside of our control ... But yet again, every human has to learn to live with this.

In the end, you will always be you.  Accept that, embrace that, and learn to work with what you have been given.

Good luck, and I hope you figure this out.  It's never easy.

i have been on T 9 months now.. and suprisly i dont get acne on my face i mean yeah i get the occasion ones here and there.. people tell me i am lucky BUT i get acne on my back and chest and i hate it.. any recommendations?

You aren't mature enough for T. Stop playing games with your life and your health.

Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 09:57:01 AM
You aren't mature enough for T. Stop playing games with your life and your health.

I didn't want to say this as I don't want to offend you or anything but I agree with this.

I'm not going to tell you what to do though, it's up to you but like I said to you once before I feel you need to wait and think this through more.

Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 09:57:01 AM
You aren't mature enough for T. Stop playing games with your life and your health.

Very harsh way of saying what I was thinking.
But I agree.
Get back into the therapy chair and dig deeper. You are not prepared for transition yet.

Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 09:57:01 AM
You aren't mature enough for T. Stop playing games with your life and your health.

Well that's blunt, but not way off base.

Dominick, your attitude seems to be that you refuse to do anything to help yourself until you can be seen as male universally, but that's not going to happen.  You're relying solely on your changing appearance to remedy your depression and lack of motivation, but your issues with your mother and with life will persist without action.  Sitting around all day refusing to go anywhere or do anything until you get your way is assuredly not helping your case, it's being stubborn and petulant.  It may well be the case that your family would be more supportive if you were being more proactive, and had a plan to get your life where you want it and were taking steps to achieve that. 

You refuse to work until you can be seen as male....my god is that entitled!  If I were your mother I'd be resentful too.  Just because you're trans doesn't mean you're absolved of responsibility for your life, dude!  Coming from someone who's been living with severe bipolar disorder I can say that there's still accountability, there's things you can do to help yourself, and if you don't do them, you're responsible for some of your suffering.  It's harsh, but true.  Not exercising, not eating right, and isolating yourself are the worst things you can do for depression.  You're treating HRT like a lot of people in the bipolar support groups regard medications; they expect the unrealistic- they want the quick fix without any of the work.  I'm not dismissing dysphoria as a cause of your depression, that's very real, but checking out and refusing to live life until it's on your terms is just ridiculous, and won't help your case with loved ones.   

One of the topics that came up in anouther place and discusion was the assertion by all parties that transition is a verb.
You have to be proactive and do it. Transition does not just happen.

You know... seeing topics like this, I can't see how "certain" people think that everyone here wants to push everyone to transition.  Oh wait, that's because they ignore everything that doesn't support their point.

Anyway dude, like everyone else has been saying, put off T until you're sure it's what you want.  But don't let your mom's worrying stop you.  This is about you, not her.  And remember that it is not a weight loss drug.  If you're not motivated to eat healthy or exercise now, what makes you so sure that you will be motivated while on T?

Quote from: Sylvester on February 16, 2011, 11:30:16 AM
You know... seeing topics like this, I can't see how "certain" people think that everyone here wants to push everyone to transition.  Oh wait, that's because they ignore everything that doesn't support their point.

Yeah, I've been wondering that too.  I've yet to see anyone push for a person to take steps towards transitioning.  Though, maybe I just haven't come across the people who do, as this is the only trans board I visit.  Here, people always advise towards caution, which I appreciate.  It makes me curious how people get certain impressions about the trans community.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 15, 2011, 11:08:37 PM
If I stop taking then I go back to be really depressed in a female body and cutting myself again and go nowhere with my life. My life is on hold and going nowhere without T. I don't even want to see anyone or have my friend come over. I don't want to go out in public and I don't want to work. I just don't want to do anything without T. At least with T I can try to move on with my life. I'm stuck without it b/c I look female and I don't want that and I don't want the world seeing me as female. T seems like the answer for me in some ways.



So basically my option is suicide. I can't live in this female body. I can't. If I don't continue with T, I loose everything. I will eventually lose my car b/c I will not go back to work as a female. I'll miss out on things I wanna do, but I don't want to do these things as female, I want to do things as male... like going out, traveling to see shows in nyc, etc... I will not do these things as female. I'm gunna loose everything. My relationship with my mom will only get worse b/c I won't work. I'll be dead in the sense that I'll never go out and be stuck home my entire life until I die.

I rarely reply to anything but I just had to jump in on this one. I hate to be harsh but you are being so rediculous about this it's not even funny. As others have said you really need to get back into therapy. You say that you are suicidal and going to kill yourself if you don't take t but then you also think acne is the end of the world, as you put it. So people with acne should also be suicidal??? Because there is absolutely nothing worse in life than having acne on your face, right? Because that is how you are acting. You are acting like acne, hair and growing a penis is scarier and more painful than living your life as a female. Just think about that for a few minutes. You say you will "loose everything" and cut yourself if you stay a female. The world is not perfect and you really need to accept the fact that in order to be perceived the way you want to be, in your case, you need to take T and you will have to go through that second puberty. There is no guarentee that you will get acne, there's no guarentee that you will be hairy. You say that your life is on hold, going nowhere, you want to die, you want to hurt yourself, you can't see yourself living as female, etc and you are stopping because of acne, hair and genital growth.......DUDE, NO ONE WANTS ACNE. but tons, and tons of people have it. No one wants to be bald but guess what, tons of people are bald....male, and even female. Some guys don't like to be hairy....well guess what, they shave it off. They get it removed....lasers, wax, etc. This is all not even trans related. As far as genital growth, can't help you there as that is desirable to me. It really sounds like you just want T to loose weight and work as an anti-depressant. You can get that without T. Diet, excercise and therapy and meds can give you that.

Like other have said, I would suggest stopping T until you figure this out.

I don't meant to be harsh but its saddening to see someone in so much pain over life and then be so unable to help themself. Dom, please think this over.....I would really honestly say to take a step back from this message board, step back from your family and really think about what it is that YOU need. None of us know what is right for you. We can just voice our opinions. You are the only one who can make this decision for youself. You need to look at the medical reality of what T can and cannot do for you. Not how happy people on meesage boards say they become after T, not how sad transition may be. Everyone's situation is not the same. You need to decide if the pro's outweight the con's or vice versa.

You need to sit down and look more realistically at all of the things you are talking about and worried about.  All the hormones do is make you appear more male, they don't make you a man.

I want a girlfriend and I can't b/c I still look like a female and that's what straight women will see me as... female and I don't want that.

As I recall you are 31 and live at home with mom.  No doubt from these posts that you are desperately worried about what mom thinks about you.  Of the women in your age range, that whole '31 and living with mom' is going to be an instant deal killer for about 99.99999% from the get go.

Quote from: brucewaynegotham on February 16, 2011, 11:39:49 AM

It really sounds like you just want T to loose weight and work as an anti-depressant. You can get that without T. Diet, excercise and therapy and meds can give you that.

Reposting for truth and extra emphasis.  Dom this is exactly what you are using T for and it is exactly what T is not.