Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 12:42:31 PM
You need to sit down and look more realistically at all of the things you are talking about and worried about.  All the hormones do is make you appear more male, they don't make you a man.

I want a girlfriend and I can't b/c I still look like a female and that's what straight women will see me as... female and I don't want that.

As I recall you are 31 and live at home with mom.  No doubt from these posts that you are desperately worried about what mom thinks about you.  Of the women in your age range, that whole '31 and living with mom' is going to be an instant deal killer for about 99.99999% from the get go.

I'm actually 29. But yeah I know women find that weird at my age for a man to still be living at home with mom and that's a turn off to straight women.


As to everyone else's  posts...  Maybe T isn't for me. I know it's not going to make me a man, but it will help me look like a man.

I'm not looking at T as a weight loss drug, I know it's not a weight loss drug. I wanna workout for me so I can feel better about myself.  T was just a motivation for me.


I know this gunna sound immature and stupid, but this is how I feel.... I'll stop taking T and just wait until I die like I have been my entire life. I never wanted to be born anyways and I hate life more than anything. I know that I was a mistake, that is a FACT.  I should not be here. I wanna die more than anything. Being Trans just makes my life so much harder that's why I kept myself in denial all these years, I never wanted to believe I was trans, I never wanted to admit it, but I came to a point where I couldn't hide anymore and had to come out with it.

I hate that I can never experience having a relationship with a straight women. In fact I've never had a relationship with anyone and I will never experience this in the near or distant future b/c I am trapped in a female body.


Life just isn't for me.

Sorry for this depressing post, but it's how I feel.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 01:20:07 PM
I'm actually 29. But yeah I know women find that weird at my age for a man to still be living at home with mom and that's a turn off to straight women.


As to everyone else's  posts...  Maybe T isn't for me. I know it's not going to make me a man, but it will help me look like a man.

I'm not looking at T as a weight loss drug, I know it's not a weight loss drug. I wanna workout for me so I can feel better about myself.  T was just a motivation for me.


I know this gunna sound immature and stupid, but this is how I feel.... I'll stop taking T and just wait until I die like I have been my entire life. I never wanted to be born anyways and I hate life more than anything. I know that I was a mistake, that is a FACT.  I should not be here. I wanna die more than anything. Being Trans just makes my life so much harder that's why I kept myself in denial all these years, I never wanted to believe I was trans, I never wanted to admit it, but I came to a point where I couldn't hide anymore and had to come out with it.

I hate that I can never experience having a relationship with a straight women. In fact I've never had a relationship with anyone and I will never experience this in the near or distant future b/c I am trapped in a female body.


Life just isn't for me.

Sorry for this depressing post, but it's how I feel.

But apart from that life is positive, yes?

Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 01:32:48 PM

But apart from that life is positive, yes?

Nope.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 01:20:07 PM
I'm actually 29. But yeah I know women find that weird at my age for a man to still be living at home with mom and that's a turn off to straight women.


As to everyone else's  posts...  Maybe T isn't for me. I know it's not going to make me a man, but it will help me look like a man.

I'm not looking at T as a weight loss drug, I know it's not a weight loss drug. I wanna workout for me so I can feel better about myself.  T was just a motivation for me.


I know this gunna sound immature and stupid, but this is how I feel.... I'll stop taking T and just wait until I die like I have been my entire life. I never wanted to be born anyways and I hate life more than anything. I know that I was a mistake, that is a FACT.  I should not be here. I wanna die more than anything. Being Trans just makes my life so much harder that's why I kept myself in denial all these years, I never wanted to believe I was trans, I never wanted to admit it, but I came to a point where I couldn't hide anymore and had to come out with it.

I hate that I can never experience having a relationship with a straight women. In fact I've never had a relationship with anyone and I will never experience this in the near or distant future b/c I am trapped in a female body.


Life just isn't for me.

Sorry for this depressing post, but it's how I feel.

#1 - most EVERYONE is an accident - on a technicality. But we're all here now and life is a beautiful thing, no matter what body you're in. You could have leukemia or cancer or some horrible heart defect or other disease and have to live with that. Things can always be WORSE. Don't wish that on yourself or anyone else.

#2 - Dramatic posts on a message board are not going to improve your life. You come here seeking acceptance (you've got that), encouragement (you've got that too), advice (yup, also that) and you're pretty much ignoring all of it and wallowing in your own self pity. You know what? Most of us hate our bodies for one reason or another but we live and we make the most of it and some of us make decisions to stop whining about it and actually do something. That something can be anything but you have to take charge of your life. The only thing preventing you from living it is you. Get out there and tackle life. Get a job, move out, live your life away from those who are oppressing you or not treating you how you want to be treated. You're 29, there's nothing to hold you back from any of that stuff except yourself.

#3 - You already said in a previous post you wouldn't commit suicide - don't do it "virtually" either. The mind is a powerful thing, if you give up the will to live you will have no life.

#4 - You already look a hell of a lot more male that some people who are also trans. Get away from your current rut and start living your life how you want.

#5 - Stop fixating on everything negative in your life. If you continue that, you will never see the positive. Right now you won't even admit there IS a positive. How about having no health problems? Having a family that cares about you (even you don't want to see it). Having a roof over your head and food in your belly? Many people in this country don't have any of that.

#6 - Stop worrying about relationships. There ARE straight women out there who fall in love with transmen. People fall in love with people all the time. You're not going to meet anyone or grow as a person sexually if you're not willing to gain some confidence.

#7 - Work through some of your other issues first. You really need the confidence boost more than a shot of anything. Start talking to your therapist about other problems besides gender.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on February 16, 2011, 01:46:47 PM
#1 - most EVERYONE is an accident - on a technicality. But we're all here now and life is a beautiful thing, no matter what body you're in. You could have leukemia or cancer or some horrible heart defect or other disease and have to live with that. Things can always be WORSE. Don't wish that on yourself or anyone else.

#2 - Dramatic posts on a message board are not going to improve your life. You come here seeking acceptance (you've got that), encouragement (you've got that too), advice (yup, also that) and you're pretty much ignoring all of it and wallowing in your own self pity. You know what? Most of us hate our bodies for one reason or another but we live and we make the most of it and some of us make decisions to stop whining about it and actually do something. That something can be anything but you have to take charge of your life. The only thing preventing you from living it is you. Get out there and tackle life. Get a job, move out, live your life away from those who are oppressing you or not treating you how you want to be treated. You're 29, there's nothing to hold you back from any of that stuff except yourself.

#3 - You already said in a previous post you wouldn't commit suicide - don't do it "virtually" either. The mind is a powerful thing, if you give up the will to live you will have no life.

#4 - You already look a hell of a lot more male that some people who are also trans. Get away from your current rut and start living your life how you want.

#5 - Stop fixating on everything negative in your life. If you continue that, you will never see the positive. Right now you won't even admit there IS a positive. How about having no health problems? Having a family that cares about you (even you don't want to see it). Having a roof over your head and food in your belly? Many people in this country don't have any of that.

#6 - Stop worrying about relationships. There ARE straight women out there who fall in love with transmen. People fall in love with people all the time. You're not going to meet anyone or grow as a person sexually if you're not willing to gain some confidence.

#7 - Work through some of your other issues first. You really need the confidence boost more than a shot of anything. Start talking to your therapist about other problems besides gender.

I am thankful for everything I have. I know I am very lucky. I have a problem of comparing myself  and my life to other people and I know if I keep doing that I'll just make myself miserable.

I'm gunna work on my issues b/c I want a better life for myself.  I first need to get a job and the move out, b/c I really want to move out of my mom's house so I can move forward. But I'm also in-debt so moving out is going to be hard.

Right now I'm not sure if T is right for me. Sometimes I think it is and sometimes I think it's not. Cause sometimes I'm okay with having to deal with the acne and body hair and other times I'm not... it depends on my mood. I'm gunna think about it though and not rush into it. If I feel I can deal with it I'll continue to get my shots, if not, I will not continue with getting my shots.

What T effects have you felt since your shot?

Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 02:02:39 PM
What T effects have you felt since your shot?

None yet. But ya know what... I do feel happier. Like my outlook on life seems better. I'm not moping around  being depressed. I feel like on T I'm pulling myself together because I want to now. I wanna find a job and just make things better for myself.

I look in the mirror hoping to see changes. Like I swear hair over my lip is getting longer or darker or something. But maybe that's just what I want to see, but really in just a day, I don't think I'm gunna see much change, but I am kinda looking forward to it, and I'm washing my face with acne stuff. I'm trying to attack this acne a head of time and prevent breakouts. I'm eating healthier and excising. I just gota do my last 15 minutes on the treadmill after my mom is done. I break it up b/c I get board easily and b/c of my hip. I do 15min. and 15 min. So this may be a good thing... I am not sure  b/c I haven't experience any physical changes yet. I'm gunna see how it goes.


A question I have to ask... when you guys talk about your dick clinging to your boxers... how does that happen when some of you guys say it doesn't stick out... I'm a little confused there.

I dont get it. Just an hour ago you were entertaining suicidal thoughts and now you're saying the testosterone makes you feel good about your life and you aren't 'sitting around moping'

I really, really, REALLY suggest therapy for you. Hormones are not a cure for a suicidal depressed mind.

Quote from: Heath on February 16, 2011, 04:45:50 PM
I dont get it. Just an hour ago you were entertaining suicidal thoughts and now you're saying the testosterone makes you feel good about your life and you aren't 'sitting around moping'

I really, really, REALLY suggest therapy for you. Hormones are not a cure for a suicidal depressed mind.

I know. It depends on my mood at the time. Sometimes I feel good about T and sometimes I don't. My mood varies all the time. But I'm not bipolar.

I do see a counselor. I know hormones aren't a cure for suicide and depression. I just had a long talk with my cousin and telling her the same thing I'm telling you guys. She's just telling me to make sure it's what I want, b/c she see's the doubts in me too. Before I was on T. She knew how excited I was to get on it and now that I'm on it, I'm expression uncertainty b/c of my fears.

Everything depends on my mood. When I went out today, I felt like I needed/wanted T so bad, and then my fears take over when I'm home and thinking about changes.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 06:12:43 PM
I know. It depends on my mood at the time. Sometimes I feel good about T and sometimes I don't. My mood varies all the time. But I'm not bipolar.

I do see a counselor. I know hormones aren't a cure for suicide and depression. I just had a long talk with my cousin and telling her the same thing I'm telling you guys. She's just telling me to make sure it's what I want, b/c she see's the doubts in me too. Before I was on T. She knew how excited I was to get on it and now that I'm on it, I'm expression uncertainty b/c of my fears.

Everything depends on my mood. When I went out today, I felt like I needed/wanted T so bad, and then my fears take over when I'm home and thinking about changes.

Well....being bipolar shouldn't have any impact on GID.  I know you said you aren't bipolar, but I am and another transman friend of mine is, and the whole point is that even *despite* the fact that we have a fluctuating mood disorder, the gender dysphoria is still there and it is strong enough to make me want to go to any lengths necessary to be more comfortable with a more male-looking body.

On the subject of straight women: I personally tend to stay away from them as the ones that I know are all "too much into cock."  Well, since I lack a biological penis, I can't be of much help in that department and I KNOW I'll never get bottom surgery (at least with the way the surgeries are now, not to mention financial issues of mine).  So, as a result I tend to just naturally gravitate towards pansexual women.  However, finding a pansexual woman who ISN'T polyamorous is a tough one!  I also leave the possibility of a relationship with an FTM open considering we'd be sharing similar kinds of experiences and struggles.  I don't exclude MTFs either.  And I NEVER try to hit on lesbians - they like women for a reason and I know I'd feel too uncomfortable in a relationship with a lesbian.  The whole point here is that perhaps you're keeping your sights a tad narrow when it comes to relationships.  Instead of focusing on "straight women" just try focusing on "women."  Or focusing on the idea of loving a PERSON who loves you and respects you for who YOU are and YOUR identity.  But the important part is you should focus on developing a pretty solid identity for yourself FIRST before a relationship even happens!  Even if you eventually identify as genderqueer, or an FTM, or a female, or WHATEVER, that needs to be established first because as it stands you seem to have a very difficult time loving and accepting yourself, and that is crucial before finding someone else to do what you cannot.

I hope no matter what that you take some time to rethink transitioning.  Ain't nothing wrong with that.  Doesn't make you a defective person - if anything it will make you more informed.  Just judging by your recent posts, you still have a LOT of unanswered questions about hormones that you should get answered BEFORE proceeding any further.  But honestly, yo, the best  thing at this point is for you to perhaps get a change of environment (i.e. move out), find a relatively stable job and income (and preferably at a place that doesn't give a damn if you're trans.  Places like that DO exist), and THEN see if you're still having reservations about transitioning.  Even if the answer is a resounding unsure, there are always trans people who decide to never go through with physical transitioning and they do just fine. 

On the flipside, if being a female makes you so uncomfortable, I'd still say to wait and see how you feel once you make other changes in your environment and yourself.  I'm overweight...I realize that taking T won't make me lose weight and in fact will make me heavier because I DO work out somewhat and it's *juuuuust* the right amount to where I don't lose any weight....I stay big and on top of it gain muscle mass also.  Do I fret over it?  Some days...but for the most part I've gotten to that place where I acknowledge "yep, I'm fat.  And I'm still comfortable with who I am."  Even with my chest.  For the most part I'm aggravated that Pillows #1 and #2 are there, but I have them for now and I just gotta deal with it.  And that's what everyone has to do now and then - just deal.   It reminds me very much of this quote from Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I'll leave you with:

Tommy Gnosis (after reaching down Hedwig's skirt in the front and withdrawing hand quickly):  "Um.  What is that?"
Hedwig: "It's what I've got to work with."

And I try to be like Hedwig when it comes to the attitude I have about my body.  No matter what happens, what I have will be "what I've got to work with."

Quote from: Heath on February 16, 2011, 06:50:18 PM
Well....being bipolar shouldn't have any impact on GID.  I know you said you aren't bipolar, but I am and another transman friend of mine is, and the whole point is that even *despite* the fact that we have a fluctuating mood disorder, the gender dysphoria is still there and it is strong enough to make me want to go to any lengths necessary to be more comfortable with a more male-looking body.

On the subject of straight women: I personally tend to stay away from them as the ones that I know are all "too much into cock."  Well, since I lack a biological penis, I can't be of much help in that department and I KNOW I'll never get bottom surgery (at least with the way the surgeries are now, not to mention financial issues of mine).  So, as a result I tend to just naturally gravitate towards pansexual women.  However, finding a pansexual woman who ISN'T polyamorous is a tough one!  I also leave the possibility of a relationship with an FTM open considering we'd be sharing similar kinds of experiences and struggles.  I don't exclude MTFs either.  And I NEVER try to hit on lesbians - they like women for a reason and I know I'd feel too uncomfortable in a relationship with a lesbian.  The whole point here is that perhaps you're keeping your sights a tad narrow when it comes to relationships.  Instead of focusing on "straight women" just try focusing on "women."  Or focusing on the idea of loving a PERSON who loves you and respects you for who YOU are and YOUR identity.  But the important part is you should focus on developing a pretty solid identity for yourself FIRST before a relationship even happens!  Even if you eventually identify as genderqueer, or an FTM, or a female, or WHATEVER, that needs to be established first because as it stands you seem to have a very difficult time loving and accepting yourself, and that is crucial before finding someone else to do what you cannot.

I hope no matter what that you take some time to rethink transitioning.  Ain't nothing wrong with that.  Doesn't make you a defective person - if anything it will make you more informed.  Just judging by your recent posts, you still have a LOT of unanswered questions about hormones that you should get answered BEFORE proceeding any further.  But honestly, yo, the best  thing at this point is for you to perhaps get a change of environment (i.e. move out), find a relatively stable job and income (and preferably at a place that doesn't give a damn if you're trans.  Places like that DO exist), and THEN see if you're still having reservations about transitioning.  Even if the answer is a resounding unsure, there are always trans people who decide to never go through with physical transitioning and they do just fine. 

On the flipside, if being a female makes you so uncomfortable, I'd still say to wait and see how you feel once you make other changes in your environment and yourself.  I'm overweight...I realize that taking T won't make me lose weight and in fact will make me heavier because I DO work out somewhat and it's *juuuuust* the right amount to where I don't lose any weight....I stay big and on top of it gain muscle mass also.  Do I fret over it?  Some days...but for the most part I've gotten to that place where I acknowledge "yep, I'm fat.  And I'm still comfortable with who I am."  Even with my chest.  For the most part I'm aggravated that Pillows #1 and #2 are there, but I have them for now and I just gotta deal with it.  And that's what everyone has to do now and then - just deal.   It reminds me very much of this quote from Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I'll leave you with:

Tommy Gnosis (after reaching down Hedwig's skirt in the front and withdrawing hand quickly):  "Um.  What is that?"
Hedwig: "It's what I've got to work with."

And I try to be like Hedwig when it comes to the attitude I have about my body.  No matter what happens, what I have will be "what I've got to work with."

I do want a male looking body. I want these things off my chest. Now surgery I'm 100% sure I want that done. There's no doubt there.

I see myself as a straight male and I only want to date straight women. I'm not open to dating gay women. Bi, I'm not sure.  My mind is only set to dating straight women b/c I am a straight male.

I may not get my next shot, but I know if I don't get my next shot I'll go back to being depressed again b/c I'm not moving forward in my transition and I'll end up cutting again.

Let me go off topic a hair.
Dominick;
You are ambivilant about bisexual women.
Why?

Quote from: cynthialee on February 16, 2011, 07:20:21 PM
Let me go off topic a hair.
Dominick;
You are ambivilant about bisexual women.
Why?

I'm not really sure what the word ambivilent means, but I have nothing against bisexual women. I'm not prejudice against anybody. I identify myself as a straight male. A person born male who is straight would only date straight women, not bi women. Ya know what I mean?

Most of the straight guys I know don't care if the girl is straight, gay or bi as long as she's willing.

Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 09:18:21 PM
Most of the straight guys I know don't care if the girl is straight, gay or bi as long as she's willing.

But they are born male so they are seen as a real guy by gays and bi women. But I guess I'd be open to dating a bi woman, but I prefer straight women. I just want the woman to see me as a real guy, as her boyfriend and be in a straight relationship with me.

Well at your age that's something more than splitting a Popsicle with them, they are going to want to see their BF buying them dinner, bling and treating them very well as a prelude to a long term relationship where you are going to support them in the manner to which they intend to become accustomed.   The girls that age I know refer to the Holy Trinity - Are you Married?  Are you gay?  Are you employed?

Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 09:18:21 PM
Most of the straight guys I know don't care if the girl is straight, gay or bi as long as she's willing.

THIS!

As a bi female I tend to get upset when I see people discount bi women as posible romantic partners.
Often bi women are seen as only useful as a sexual conquest.
We are just as capable as anyone else of being monogamous and faithful.
Just like any hetero or gay individual.

Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 09:31:29 PM
Well at your age that's something more than splitting a Popsicle with them, they are going to want to see their BF buying them dinner, bling and treating them very well as a prelude to a long term relationship where you are going to support them in the manner to which they intend to become accustomed.   The girls that age I know refer to the Holy Trinity - Are you Married?  Are you gay?  Are you employed?

Of course I would do all that stuff for my girl. I'd do anything for her. 

Quote from: cynthialee on February 16, 2011, 09:35:17 PM
Often bi women are seen as only useful as a sexual conquest.

I am also saddened by the way bi women are perceived in society. I'm in a monogamous relationship with a bi woman myself. Bisexual doesn't mean "I'll have sex with anything that moves," sheesh...

Dominick, I don't understand why you feel the need to narrow your choices down to just one demographic. It's of course your own decision, but I think you would be alot happier if you just searched for someone who accepted you for who you are, instead of being picky about what gender they are, what their target gender in a partner is, etc etc.

It's possible to get straight women without T. Sure it might be harder finding the right one, though I'm not sure. I was with a straight women prior to starting T.. oh for over 5 months. Still with her but now on T. Didn't mean she saw me any less of a man. If you find the right gal she is going to treat you like a dude no matter what you have on your chest and in between your legs. Chances are that the trans part is going to be the bigger turn off for women - not that you still have a vagina or whatever if they've gotten past the fact youre trans.

And why are you scared of acne? The only person that has ever commented on it/judged me on it seems to be my dad, and I'm okkay with that. Most people don't care that you have acne, the only time I remember it's there is when I look in the mirror. I have acne, but I am not acne. It's just a skin condition, it doesn't change who I am.