I dont remember who, but someone asked me the other day if I was looking for validation, and that got me thinking. Yes i have in the past and continue to do so in the present....ghat hasnt changed. What has changed, is how i look for validation. ANd I just realized tghat there are other ways I can do so. Example, yes, when i leave my pad and go somewhere i do pay attention to who, if anyone lookzs at me, you know kinda stares or does a double take...if I am NOT in west hollywood and men are the ones to notice me as they would a gg, then I am validated, and feel good.... If I AM in west hollywood and the women notice me I am even more validated.....does anyone else look for validation?

I know some will argue with me but I think it is only human to look for validation of our existence.  And when we are in transition, we look for that validation that we are doing something right, and that others see us as our target gender.

There does come a time when we no longer have to have the validation, but for now it makes us feel good.

I agree with Janet. It is part of our nature to seek validation.

The skill, perhaps, is finding ways not to get perturbed when we don't get it.

But if I suggest it is part of maturity, I will have to admit to being really immature.

i know for me the ways in which i seek validation today is not demeaning as it once was.....

Quote from: Valeriedances on February 18, 2011, 11:40:56 AM
The problem with looking for acceptance from others is that we are blowing in the wind and give our power for happiness to others. validation sought for overall PHYSICAL looks, not for me being worth anything because I am HAPPY that I am me and wouldnt change me for anything or be anyone other thann me!! If the person doesnt like us, we are miserable and hurt, and if they like us we feel good. We believe and accept their judgement in place of our own.
again this is how i judge my dress and physical appearance
The good news is that only we control how we feel. No one can get inside our head, we can choose to be happy in spite of our surroundings or what could be deemed rejection.  We dont have to feel rejected even if we are. If we can in that moment choose to love both ourselves and that other person, we have an opportunity for peace. They are just showing us their pain, it doesnt have belong to us.rejection is a reality for EVERYONE everyday! for one reason or another, for every one person that rejects , there will be one who doesnt

A woman once told me we have these supreme moments throughout the day where we have this instant of choice about how we react to events in our day. We can choose love ...or fear. Love always wins in the end. It's just a matter of time how long it takes us to get there. I believe she is very wise. Suffering is when we react in fear, and that is optional. The choice we make in those supreme moments becomes our reality. You (as in us) are the one with the power. What will you (we) choose?
again i am speaking not of who i am as a person, as I KNOW that i AM BRAVE. I am VERY strong (mentally) and have a LOT of heart. I am capable of loving and being loved.  Am honest and center my day on INTEGRITY. There are MANY other things about myself that I LOVE..... BEsides, who is in a position to judge me? NO ONE.

peace,

Valerie

Hun, your making this WAY more complicated than intended....i did not mean that if people dont like me i wont like me, im me and I dont care if someone doesnt like me. ALSO i want to thank you for your insightful and caring reply....very cool

Too date I have a 100% record for validation, just simply passing someone on the street, still me and him had some chemistry .  I still have to remind myself he wasn't laughing as we passed, and I have very good hearing lol.

Looking back the two very highest moments of realisation of gender were of me being a woman, now I am making steps to becoming, I had a clear moment of realisation earlier today But those sustained episodes of elation were me, telling me, this is who you are, they were revelation in it's true form.  I'm certain some people have revelations of pure elation realising they are male, it's never happened to me, but I know it's happened to them

So to me I'm validated, chemistry as validation is a very welcome thing too.  There are loads of types of validations, loving acceptance for one, it kept me as a male for so many years.

Quote from: Valeriedances on February 18, 2011, 11:40:56 AM
We believe and accept their judgement in place of our own.

This is why I no longer look for validation from others. Sure it's still irritating when they get things wrong, but it doesn't affect my image of myself. Most people aren't even qualified to judge you anyway.