I'm trying to get prepared for talking to my parents, and one of the things I'm worried about is them asking how I know I'm a guy or something along that line.  I've been trying to figure out a non-awkward answer, as all of my explainable reasons are things I don't really want to discuss with my parents including relationships they didn't know I was in, sexual situations/genital stuff, past self injury and suicidal feelings (which they don't know about), and other things like that.  I guess I'm wondering how everyone else answered this sort of question, as I'd love to do this with as little awkwardness as possible, and bringing up these things just isn't going to help.  What's a parent-friendly way to explain the dysphoria?

Well Lee, I wish I had the answer for you. I do have a hug and best wishes though. I hope it all goes well. I did like the book, True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism-For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals. by Mildred L. Brown.

The book talks about coming out to parents and other. How to do it and what things to consider. It also seems like a good book to give your parents to help them understand you better.

Big, big, hugs.

Patty

This is something that will depend upon your parents really Lee.

They may be the sort to pose questions, looking for ways to trip you up. For example, Describe why you feel like a boy. You describe some things. Response, that is not how a boy is at all, you're fooling yourself.

The dismissive type. Don't be so silly, how can you be a boy. You need help.

The testing type. If you're going to be a boy then you can't do this, or that. Boys don't come and have chats.

The self centred type. Oh no. Another problem for me to deal with, as if I haven't got enough already.

The self conscious type. Oh my, what will the neighbors think? Well you can't do that here. You can't go outside like that.

The analysis type. You're jealous of your brother/sister/ cousin/some aquantance.

The surprised type. Well, what brought this on? It's that internet, you've been brainwashed.

The authoritarian type. Oh no you're not. It's unnatural/against religion/never had anything like this in my family before.

The experience type. People who do this end up as worthless prostitutes, alone and living in gutters. No-one will want you. You will be worthless.

Another experience type. I knew someone who did this. No good came of it. mark my words.

The Patronising type. It's a phase, you'll grow out of it. You're just imaginging that you've felt this way for years. You don't have the years to feel anything.

The self control type. You will need to learn to control these feelings. They are unnatural.

The brooding type. Well yes. we'll talk about this later. ;ater: You can't be a boy if you do that. Later still: You can't be a boy if you do this.

The pleading type. But what will become of you? No-one will want to marry you. You can never have children and we so wanted grandchildren.

The mocking type. Ha ha ha. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

The worried type. Oh, well, this is really serious. I don't know what to say.

Spacial, my parents are fairly accepting and open-minded people.  They are also very inquisitive, so I'm expecting a lot of questions out of general interest while they're gaining an understanding.  Rather than worrying about their reactions, I'm more concerned about my responses when these things come up.

Patty, thanks for the support.  I'm definitely thinking about getting them True Selves.  Now I just need to figure out more of a plan than walking up, handing them a book, and heading out. 

The book suggests writing them a letter. At least for practicing what you would like to say in person. Read the letter out loud so you can hear your voice and how your explanation sounds out loud.

It is a good book to read for yourself as well. It has allot of insite.

http://www.abebooks.com/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=4256372432&searchurl=an%3Dmildred%2BL%2BBrown%26sts%3Dt%26x%3D0%26y%3D0

Best Wishes Lee.
Hugs.
Patty

If I were in your situation and knowing that your parents would most likely ask questions, I would start with a edited history for them - like when you first knew something was "different" ... things like that. Sexual situations, etc. don't even have to be brought up. You can use generalizations or preferences. But I would try to keep the topic of discussion more mental than physical. Focus on how the mind doesn't match the body, etc.

I came out to my parents when I was thirteen and it didn't work. I came out to my relatives in Australia by inviting them to dinner and presenting as me. I also said you can ask any questions you want. I'll answer the ones I can. OK it may be a little more dramatic when you relatives arrive for dinner and are greeted by a person looking like me, which cannot be dismissed as a change in fashion .

In your case it may be easier to follow the letter way. Explain in detail why and how you are male, be very understanding to their concerns, make sure you explain the difference between a lesbian and a transgendered  person. The invite them to dinner or some such thing to talk it over. I don't know if you live with them or have a separate place, separate would be good. Then you could set the scene, present as very male, including aftershave, and make sure it's a male smelling one, even if you don't like it . Your clothes will be male your watch and stuff will be male, everything will be male. Your room will be typical male.  It will give hundreds of non verbal cues that you are male. Since your parents are open minded they will be willing to accept you as a lesbian daughter, the trick is to get over that concept and push that you are male.

Hope it goes OK

Cindy 

I understand Lee. I was free flowing in that response. I thought that was the most appropriate.

I really understand how you feel about your own responses. The list was the sort of things I would be considering and then try to imagine how I would respond.

Because, for you, it would seem to be about how you feel in the situation. What you are thinking in relation to them and others.

Best of luck. Though from what I know of you, I think you'll magae it better than you anticipate and better than you think.

Good luck Lee.
I had the same worry when I came out to my mum. But fortunately enough, she didn't ask awkward questions!
She asked a few odd ones a week or so later when we were on our way to my gender therapy session, in that week she showed a lot of support so when she did ask it really wasn't too bad.