As of Monday, I am now living full time as a woman.

Walking in to work on Monday was so hard, so much harder than I had thought it would be. I was really worried because, despite my best efforts to get it to happen, management had not sent out my notification to the rest of the people in my office on Friday, and I wasn't too sure how people would react to me if they didn't know what was planned. And there was the fact that my new shoes for the occasion had already started giving me some really nasty blisters, and my feet were really starting to hurt.

But, somewhat inevitably I think, everything worked out fine. It took about an hour for the nerves to calm down, but once I calmed down a bit everything seemed so normal, like this was how everything was supposed to be and that absolutely nothing had changed at all. My message had eventually been sent out, about a half hour before I'd arrived at the office, and despite the short notice I felt so accepted by almost everyone.  There were the odd few people who were very evidently trying to avoid eye-contact with me when I walked past them, but as far as how people have reacted to me so far, that is as bad is it has gotten.

The only work issue I've ran up against so far is a bit of a silly one, but unfortunately one that is going to take time to put right. Because I work in a call centre, I'm speaking to people on the phone all day. And although I've been spending a lot of time trying to get my voice right, it's a lot harder to get it right after talking on the phone for 8 hours straight. No-one picks me at the start of the day, but by the end of the day, people I talk to keep asking me "sorry, what did you say your name was?", although by the tone of voice what they really want to be asking is "sorry, what did you say your gender is?". Hopefully nothing that a lot of practise won't work out for me though.

I wish I could feel better about everything that has happened so far this week, but it's kind of hard right now. My sister was hospitalised earlier this week after overdosing on sleeping pills, she was unconcious for quite a long time but eventually came to, according to the hospital she should be OK (physically at least). And thanks to the way my family is reacting to my transition at the moment they don't want me coming anywhere near them right now. All I want to do right now is to be there for my sister, hug her and tell her that everything is going to be OK and that it's going to work out for her, that she doesn't need to worry because I'll be there to help her if she needs me, and I can't even be near her. And it makes me feel like a horrible human being to be feeling so good about what I've achieved this week when my sister is in so much pain.

I hope she's going to be alright. She deserves to live a beautiful life. I just hope that she's able to see that before it's too late.

Megan

Hey Megan,

Firslty congratulations and well done to you.  Its a huge step to take and it sounds that even though the management haven't maybe done everything that things have actually gone quite well.  Its nice to know people have been accepting but dont worry too much about the few who aren't - I think you are always going to get people who aren't comfy with the change you have made for many different reasons.  If those people just keep it at not talking with you and maybe avoiding eye contact then it isn't so bad.

I work in a cell centre myself, however I am a lucky in the fact that I dont take calls anymore.  My job entails monitoring our agents when they are taking calls and then feeding my findings back to them.  Most days I normally spend at least 3 hours in back to back meetings so I know how you feel when you describe how your voice is by the end of the day.  One little suggestion that might help is to keep sipping water, I know it sounds obvious but it can really help to stop your mouth and throat getting dry.  Also, is there a gender neutral variation on your name that you could maybe use at all ?  I know it not the ideal solution but it might make things a little easier.

I am sorry to hear about what has happened with your sister though.  There is nothing wrong with you wanting to feel good even when something like this has happened, for you its been such a big step on you deserve to feel good about yourself.  It sounds this has maybe been a very tough time for your family, you sound as though you really care about your sister so is there anytime you can visit the hospital when they are not there.  If you dont mind me asking are the two of you still close ?

Becky
xx

Congratulations Megan, and I hope that your sister recovers quickly and that all will be well.  Coming out at work is a huge step, one that is almost as important as SRS it's self.  I'm glad that it seems to have gone well for you.

Keep us posted hon.

Steph

Congrats, Megan!!!

But I'm so sorry to hear about your sister

Are they taking any steps to help address the source of her angst? And geez, ya'd think something like this would pull everyone *together*. I'm so sorry to hear they feel that way. Maybe you can get a phone call or letter to her?

May I ask what you did differently on monday? I've been toying with a transition date for my employer, but I'm not sure what to hinge it on, what triggers it. I understand that it's the date people officially treat you as a female, but I've been trying to slowly slip into that appearance and role as I go, hoping to avoid any sort of "shock" factor of doing it all in one day.

Kate

Congratulations Megan.  I know exactly how you felt about going in there super nervous.  I felt the same way when I first entered and it really is surprising how uneventful it actually is.  I'll tell you with time things get better.  People eventually realize you're just a person and get more comfortable around you.  When I first went fulltime there were a couple people who would never say a word to me or look at me and now one of them has let me hold her baby and the other one I talk to every so often.  Some people just need a bit of time to get used to it.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister, but I'm also glad to know she's ok.

Quote from: Kate on January 17, 2007, 11:38:22 AM
May I ask what you did differently on monday? I've been toying with a transition date for my employer, but I'm not sure what to hinge it on, what triggers it. I understand that it's the date people officially treat you as a female, but I've been trying to slowly slip into that appearance and role as I go, hoping to avoid any sort of "shock" factor of doing it all in one day.

Well, I can answer that.  The main thing is you start going by a different name and pronouns, but you are also free to start wearing whatever clothes you want.  Also, if you are not doing it yet, you should start using a more female voice.  If you like to, you can start carrying a purse too.  There really isn't a whole lot that changes.  Especially if you are sort of living as female already.  It's really the day when you go full-on as female.

Melissa

Quote from: beckster on January 17, 2007, 06:08:45 AM
I work in a cell centre myself, however I am a lucky in the fact that I dont take calls anymore.  My job entails monitoring our agents when they are taking calls and then feeding my findings back to them.  Most days I normally spend at least 3 hours in back to back meetings so I know how you feel when you describe how your voice is by the end of the day.  One little suggestion that might help is to keep sipping water, I know it sounds obvious but it can really help to stop your mouth and throat getting dry.  Also, is there a gender neutral variation on your name that you could maybe use at all ?  I know it not the ideal solution but it might make things a little easier.

I find water helps a little bit, but not really enough to get everything back to the way it is at the start of the day. I have got a little better over the week though, so I think with time everything should get a little bit easier. It's definitely something I'll be bringing up with my voice therapist at my next meeting though, the last thing I need to do right now is lose my voice and not be able to work for a couple of days . Another thing though (and a lot more embarrassing) is that I notice when I start just getting into work and I'm not really concentrating as much as I should be, I have actually used my old male name instead of my new name on calls. Again though, I suppose the best thing for that is going to be time. I had the old name for 25 years, and have only been using my new name for a few weeks. It's going to take a little bit of time to get used to it, I suppose. And considering how embarrassed I end up feeling when it happens, I'm going to be trying to concentrate a little harder until it gets to that point.

Quote from: Kate on January 17, 2007, 11:38:22 AM
May I ask what you did differently on monday? I've been toying with a transition date for my employer, but I'm not sure what to hinge it on, what triggers it. I understand that it's the date people officially treat you as a female, but I've been trying to slowly slip into that appearance and role as I go, hoping to avoid any sort of "shock" factor of doing it all in one day.

Melissa pretty much answered that one for me . Female name and pronouns, obviously female clothing, changed the voice I was using at work from "feminine guy" to "trying really hard to sound female", and started carrying my purse at work.The only other thing I can think of (and its a slightly obvious one) is that I started using the womens restrooms instead of the mens (which was such a relief, I haven't had any problems at all and it feels so good to not be anxious about having to use the facilities ).

And I appreciate the kind words about my sister, I just found out she has been discharged from hospital and she is back at home with my parents looking after her. She hasn't been well for a while now, and this isn't the fist time she's tried to hurt herself, but it is definitely the most serious. She is in therapy and seeing a few people regularly, the hard thing is that she just flat out refuses to discuss anything with me, or the rest of my family, so we really don't know much about what she is actually going through. I haven't been very close with her for a few years, we used to be very close back when I still lived with my parents, but since I moved out we have kind of slowly drifted apart. We were always so similar, apart from the fact that i'm about half a foot taller than her we look pretty much identical (a lot more so since I started HRT), we've always been passionate about the same things, I have learned so much from her and I've always tried to show her new things as well. She has always been so important to me, and she still is, if it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't have had the strength to come out to my parents in the first place.

All I can really say is that she is a beautiful, intelligent, and remarkable woman and she deserves everything wonderful and good in this world. I'm going to be trying a bit harder from now on to resolve the issues between myself and the rest of my family, because I want to be there for her and the only way that can happen right now is if everyone accepts the way I'm living my life and lets me back in to theirs.

Megan

That's good news about your sister and it sounds that she not only has some support in place in terms of treatment, but also has people that really do care for her.  It sounds like you have had a good relationship with her in the past, just take thing easy with her, give it time and am sure things will be okay hon.

Yeah, I can remember how tough the name thing can be to start with.  Esepcailly with something like taking calls in work as I think you are often on autopilot when you answer the phone and tend to introduce yourself without really thinking about it.  I can remember when I went full time in work we had just recruited a new memeber of staff on to our team who had the same name I had before, lol.  Between people shouting my new name across the office and then shouting this other guy who had my old name it did tend to get a little confusing !! 

They do say though that its supposed to get easier with your voice the more your do it, I tihnk the trick is not pushing it to hard, am sure you will get there with it though !!

Quote from: MeganRose on January 18, 2007, 06:12:48 AM

Quote from: Kate on January 17, 2007, 11:38:22 AM
May I ask what you did differently on monday? I've been toying with a transition date for my employer, but I'm not sure what to hinge it on, what triggers it. I understand that it's the date people officially treat you as a female, but I've been trying to slowly slip into that appearance and role as I go, hoping to avoid any sort of "shock" factor of doing it all in one day.

Melissa pretty much answered that one for me . Female name and pronouns, obviously female clothing, changed the voice I was using at work from "feminine guy" to "trying really hard to sound female", and started carrying my purse at work.The only other thing I can think of (and its a slightly obvious one) is that I started using the womens restrooms instead of the mens (which was such a relief, I haven't had any problems at all and it feels so good to not be anxious about having to use the facilities ).

Oh yeah, I forgot about mentioning that one too.

To Kate: I personally think NOT doing the shock thing can actually be damaging.  My reasoning is, if they are still seeing you as male while you are practically looking like a female, what to keep them from continuing to see you as male.  Now I could be wrong about that and I DO hope I am.

Quote from: beckster on January 18, 2007, 07:40:13 AM
They do say though that its supposed to get easier with your voice the more your do it, I tihnk the trick is not pushing it to hard, am sure you will get there with it though !!

Very true and it CAN take months.  Mine was androgynous at first and only recently it's been unquestionably female to people on the phone.  I think it probably took about 5 month to get to that point.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on January 18, 2007, 07:56:37 AM
To Kate: I personally think NOT doing the shock thing can actually be damaging.  My reasoning is, if they are still seeing you as male while you are practically looking like a female, what to keep them from continuing to see you as male.  Now I could be wrong about that and I DO hope I am.

This was definitely the way I decided to approach everything. I figuired making all of the adjustments to my dress and behaviour at work all at once would at least make clear to everyone exactly how I wanted to be treated, and that it should show that it is something that I am taking very seriously. I started this job when I had already been on HRT for seven months, and although I do look quite different now than I did before I started HRT a lot of that had already happened before I started this job. Nobody at the office has had a chance to see that happening, so I decided the "all-at-once" method would get my point across best. The only issue I've really had so far is with one co-worker from a different office that I deal with over the phone regularly, who insists on still referring to me as my now redundant male name. I haven't said anything to him so far, but the next time it happens I'm going to be correcting him. It doesn't bother me that much, but seeing as I am usually referring customers to him that I have already had dealings with I would at least like to make sure he's not doing the same when speaking in regards to me with them.

I finally managed to have a brief chat with my sister over the phone this morning as well. I didn't try to bring up what had happened, she is still recovering and I don't want to try and push her into talking to me about everything, so we ended up talking about her going to the beach and about the clothes I'd bought when shopping earlier today. I haven't had a conversation with her like that for a very long time, it makes me miss what we used to have between each other so much. But at the moment, I guess I'm just happy to know that she doing a little better right now. Next step is calming my father down a little bit so I can visit for a day or two, my mother seems to be doing a lot better than she was the other week and we've been talking quite a bit over the last few days about everything thats happened, both with my sister and myself, but my father is still refusing to speak to me. I guess all I can do is try.

Megan

Hi Meagn i admire you for trying! 
this was in your post

QuoteI haven't had a conversation with her like that for a very long time, it makes me miss what we used to have between each other so much

And i miss this now with my siister so many things have changed we all have and we do not have the simple fun close relationship we had years and years back..
So sad i miss that too!
I hope you can get it back or salvage it?  I could not, we have gone seperate roads with gender and my sis does not want any real involvement and her kids and family keep her very busy anyway..
that's life
special hug to you
Ricki

Megan, you sure have a lot on your plate right now.  Do be sure to take care of yourself, too.

Love and Light.

Robyn

Quote from: reikirobyn on January 19, 2007, 11:14:55 PM
Megan, you sure have a lot on your plate right now.  Do be sure to take care of yourself, too.

Love and Light.

Robyn

Robyn, I kind of wish I'd paid attention to you.

Short story is, I pushed my voice too hard at work over the last week, and now I can barely make a noise at all. Which means I have to take some time off work - not really something I want to be doing right now but it's either not speak for a few days and go back to work, or go to work tomorrow and possibly seriously damage my vocal chords.

I definitely did get a little bit carried away. Talking on the phone for an 8 hour shift, 8 days in a row, in a fairly high pitch when using that voice is still fairly new to me = not a very sensible idea at all. I'm going to tone it down a fair bit once I have everything working again, enduring a few people clocking me by my voice on the phone is a lot better than not having a voice in the first place.

Oh well, at least I get to sleep in for a few days .

Megan

Quote from: MeganRose on January 23, 2007, 01:55:40 AM
Talking on the phone for an 8 hour shift, 8 days in a row, in a fairly high pitch when using that voice is still fairly new to me

Perhaps you could lower the pitch to more of an androgynous voice.  If you want it to sound a bit more female, you could try adding a tiny bit of breathiness (although it's not required for a female voice).  You are right in that you should rest your voice and like you said, try laying off a bit until you've had sufficient time to work on your voice (2 months).  A voice is really something that should be learned and improved in stages.

Melissa

Congratulations Megan I'm really excited to read all the good things that have transpired  this week, aside from your voice problems, but give it time and your voice will addapt. I'm really glad to hear that the rest of the people in your office are getting use to the new you. I'm sure that it took a little time, but I'm sure that if you just kept your head up high and kept a pleasant smile on your face you'd over come anybody.

Gina

Quote from: Melissa on January 23, 2007, 10:06:01 AM
Perhaps you could lower the pitch to more of an androgynous voice.  If you want it to sound a bit more female, you could try adding a tiny bit of breathiness (although it's not required for a female voice).  You are right in that you should rest your voice and like you said, try laying off a bit until you've had sufficient time to work on your voice (2 months).  A voice is really something that should be learned and improved in stages.

Melissa

The thing that annoys me a little bit is that I really like where I've managed to get my voice right now, and if I was working somewhere that didn't having me speaking non-stop all day this wouldn't be an issue. As it is, I don't think I'm quite ready to try and find a new job so soon after starting to live full time, so I guess androgynous voice it is, at least until my vocal chords start co-operating with my new voice a litte bit more .

Megan

Yeah, I hear ya.   I was fortunate to work in a job that didn't have me speaking all the time, so that's why I suggested the andro voice.

Melissa

Hi MeganR---I understand ........funny thing is i have run into many natal women with deep voices and my male counterparts all agree its attractive or seductive   You know that husky feminine voice?  But i would guess the goal is to do better than that but on the phone i deal with this one vendor rep and she is average (cute-i met her after a year of talking to her) but her voice is soo deep and husky you could conjure up that she could of been a guy transitioning but that thought never occured to me!  she has one of those universal names too...Terri or terry or teri
Ricki

Ricki: I have noticed having the husky voice thing doesn't stop guys trying to flirt with me over the phone in an effort to get me to do more for them  .

It's definitely a bit of an ego boost .

Megan