hey, i'm in a difficult situation at the moment. i'm pretty sure what i want in my life, but there are doubts, or maybe it's just fear?!
but i'm asking myself... why don't present yourself the way you want to, without the physical transition. i mean of course you can do some physical changes, but not as drastic. so at the end you are still a man, but you present however you want to.
because of the many negative aspects of transition, it would be the easier way.

so why not?

the funny thing is... while i'm writing this, i think i know the answer.

What kind of ways would you present yourself without physical transition, if you don't mind me asking?

Many people already do this.  Crossdressers, drag queens, etc. all express part-time crossgender behaviors or identities with little to no body modification.

As far as "negative aspects of transition" you are going to get those regardless.  If you transition, people will just see you as a man who underwent extreme body modification.  If you don't transition, people will just see you as a man in a dress.

If you were born male, then presenting yourself as female is likely to cause "negative aspects" regardless of what manner you do it.  Trying to avoid the judgment of others is a very bad reason not to use hormones or surgery.  If you want to find an excuse not to transition, there are a lot of better excuses out there, such as costs and risks.  For example, I'm adamant about not having any kind of surgery, because I think it's too dangerous.

For me, transition is very much an issue about the body.  But if all you care about is how you express yourself, then go for it.  There's no reason to drastically alter the body if it isn't necessary for you to do so.

This is what I do.

I wear jeans and a sweat shirt because they are comfortable. I know what I am and who. How other precieve me is up to them.

Go for it Lucaluca.

You definitely should.  It's a good middle step and may be enough for you.

I felt amazing when I stopped buying black boxer shorts and white socks and t-shirts because I had this fear of people "seeing through me."  When I started buying stuff I liked instead of what some made up person in my mind expected me to wear I immediately felt more comfortable in life.  People tell me I look great and seem much happier.   I also found that I don't specifically care about women's clothes, I bought some boy's socks with stripes I liked yesterday.  (royal blue is one of my favorite colors)  I also started taking care of my brows, wearing a little gloss, and some light mascara.  It all looks very natural but glowing.  Also, this daily routine with product has me taking better care of myself overall. I'm keep expecting someone to say "are you wearing makeup?!" but no one has.  Oh yeah, I also wear some fat colorful bracelets.

I am a designer but I do a lot of meetings at corporations and the only comments I've gotten are that people like my style.  I have spent 30 years being all balled up about expressing myself...thinking that it would hurt my success...and this was very very stupid in hindsight.

I always presented pretty much the way I wanted to. I'm not all that wrapped up in how others perceive me, and to be honest as a gay guy there were times when I really enjoyed the attention I got when perceived as female and attractive. And if I wanted to pass as male, I could.

But in the end, it wasn't about how I looked, and there just wasn't a substitute for having the right hormones in my system.

Quote from: Valeriedances on February 27, 2011, 09:14:25 AM
There is a social hierarchy for both genders and for males that includes aggression and dominance. It can affect the ability to get a job, or promotion, or even just walking down the street. In some ways, it's like the animal kingdom. Sorry to sound scary.

I think feminine males may have the most difficult path of all, which is where many MTF transsexual people found themselves in prior to transition. It may be important to tread carefully, depending on where you live and what kind of life you have.

I disagree.  Though it makes a huge difference if you're a city mouse or country mouse.  We're in the age of the metrosexual.  Obviously wearing skirts and heels might make people uncomfortable but presenting with earrings, long hair,  and colorful clothing is no big deal, especially if you're comfortable and creative.   

My therapist helped me break a lot of this down.

I think this article "Sexism in the M to F transsexual" by Anne Vitale Ph.D. is worth a read (all of her stuff is great!) :

http://www.avitale.com/MTFSexism.htm

It's very dangerous for M2F TS persons to overly emphasize gender roles and the reactions of other people.  In urban areas, feminine gay men are doing just fine and if you read about "peacocking"..its advocates say that it helps you get better relationships and more confidence.

I think that M2F TS persons MUST start wearing and doing the things they like.  It can relieve so much anxiety and help you make non-obsessive decisions.  We're all transitioning in some way.

Quote from: japple on February 27, 2011, 01:56:58 PM
You definitely should.  It's a good middle step and may be enough for you.
Also, this daily routine with product has me taking better care of myself overall. I'm keep expecting someone to say "are you wearing makeup?!" but no one has.  Oh yeah, I also wear some fat colorful bracelets.

When I get asked "Are you wearing makeup!?" I just say yes. They typically go: "That's awesome!" It's always the girls that notice.

Yeah, express yourself! I, however am an urban/sporty sort of girl, and I don't always like to fem it up, I just have to compensate with my personality because I am, for all intents and purposes, a man to the rest of the world in everyday mode.

[/stews impatiently while waiting for HRT, long hair, laser hair removal, and GRS.]

Quote from: EmmaM on February 27, 2011, 02:08:43 PM
When I get asked "Are you wearing makeup!?" I just say yes. They typically go: "That's awesome!" It's always the girls that notice.

Yeah, express yourself! I, however am an urban/sporty sort of girl, and I don't always like to fem it up,

It's bound to happen because I've been wearing more and more makeup.  I've lost so much weight, I think people are focusing on that transformation.

I'm sporty too and don't care about being ultra fem.  I feel most female in slacks and a sweater. Althought I like cute shoes.

Quote from: japple on February 27, 2011, 02:29:26 PM
It's bound to happen because I've been wearing more and more makeup.  I've lost so much weight, I think people are focusing on that transformation.

I'm sporty too and don't care about being ultra fem.  I feel most female in slacks and a sweater. Althought I like cute shoes.

I really like it all!

Oddly, I find female clothing and shopping therapeutic (hahaha! typical girl), I can't wait for tops to fit right though (I already have a hard time fitting into men's jeans!). A ton of men's clothing is bright and reflective of a feminine personality, which is an excellent cultural shift, and almost enough of a compensation in this weird between time.

Edit: Wait! Did I contradict myself?  I'm a mess   

For me, I already do. I present androgynously, because I like that style. However, I want people to see an androgynous-looking woman, not an androgynous-looking man.

Actually, I don't. I want them to see a feminine-looking woman wearing androgynous clothes. But androgynous-looking woman is ok. Heck, butch woman dressed androgynously works, too.

The point is, it's not about how I present. It's about who I am. Dressing up in skirts and makeup and jewelry and stuff isn't the person I am - doing so would only hide me away even more. It might be fun on occasion, but at heart I'm a bit more tomboyish.

Quote from: Valeriedances on February 27, 2011, 09:14:25 AM
I'll answer seriously, though it may not be what we want to hear. Since this is the MTF forum, I take it that you feel some level of female/feminine gender.

I think feminine males may have the most difficult path of all, which is where many MTF transsexual people found themselves in prior to transition. It may be important to tread carefully, depending on where you live and what kind of life you have.

But if this is not what you meant by presenting the way you want, I apologize. The combination of femininity and presenting how you want to is a serious question, one society doesn't necessarily agree with.

Best of luck to you, Luca.

-Valerie

I would of never considered myself a feminine male before my transition.

I still don't consider my self this, I am sure though others see me as this. Mostly because of my hair length and style of dress. (although androgynous) The problem with trying to be your self and still presenting male, is exactly this. People may not see you as male.

It may not cause you too many problems but may cause you more anxiety. I have noticed my anxiety has gone down the more female (androgynous) I accept of myself. I do have problems if I have to let my gender be known, such as public restrooms. I now feel like a FTM when going into the men's room.

Shelly

Quote from: lucaluca on February 27, 2011, 04:16:55 AM
so why not?

the funny thing is... while i'm writing this, i think i know the answer.

My answer is two-fold: 1) I'm not going to lie about who I am in such a fundamental way, regardless of who/how many may hold wrong ideas about it. 2) It is not, at least for me, all about dress and "presentation". Unless it's a job interview, I don't care about what people think of "my" physical appearance. And if the basics of life didn't cost vast sums I wouldn't even care then It's also, and quite possibly mostly, about having to suffer the horrors of living with incompatible hardware. Maybe it's selfish, but I'd like to not suffer beyond the things that everyone gets hit with.

Some people start out doing just what you are saying. I was one of those people. I begna dressing as a woman and presenting as a woman outside of work 24/7 for 2 months before I started HRT....and 4 months before coming out at work.

Sometimes it's good to take baby steps like that.

a lot of good answers.

i am definitely a feminine man. all the time when i go to public restrooms the employes say "no! thats the men restroom". some friends told me that i "have to be careful", because others could take me for a girl.
i have long hair, i am very small and skinny and i wear very feminine/androgynous clothes (but no dresses, high heels, or make up).

i wasn't always like that. i used to do weight training, had extreme short hair and wear baggy clothes
about a year ago i started to take step by step and present the way i want. but no matter what i do, i still have the feeling that there is something missing. and maybe i hope it's just about the clothes and not something deeper, that i will be happy if i would even wear more feminine things.  if you know what i mean 

Quote from: lucaluca on February 28, 2011, 01:17:00 PM
a lot of good answers.

i am definitely a feminine man. all the time when i go to public restrooms the employes say "no! thats the men restroom". some friends told me that i "have to be careful", because others could take me for a girl.
i have long hair, i am very small and skinny and i wear very feminine/androgynous clothes (but no dresses, high heels, or make up).

i wasn't always like that. i used to do weight training, had extreme short hair and wear baggy clothes
about a year ago i started to take step by step and present the way i want. but no matter what i do, i still have the feeling that there is something missing. and maybe i hope it's just about the clothes and not something deeper, that i will be happy if i would even wear more feminine things.  if you know what i mean 

Well, presentation wise, I'm on the diving platform of your swimming pool- I'm also doing all I can within reason to erase my conventional male-ness disguise while still presenting male  (for my safety and family's sakes). Where you are is the currently active "next step" in my transitional presentation.

I KNOW I'm a transsexual woman. Time for a gender therapist lucaluca?

next monday