Heya. I could use some advice on coming out to my parents. I kind of need to tell them, because I probably need their help to pay for therapy. (I'm still mostly economically dependent upon them, and I doubt I could pay for it with the part-time minimum wage job I hope that I'll be getting soon.)  They're both pretty liberal, so I'm certain they won't disown me or anything, but... yeah. A few potential problems:

1. I'm not quite sure what I am (thus the desire for therapy) and thus not sure what I should tell them. Well, actually, I think I know what I am pretty well, but it's not really terribly clear-cut: I'm an androgyne who almost never identifies as female, sometimes identifies as male, and sometimes doesn't feel himself to have much of a gender at all. I almost certainly want at least chest surgery, and probably HRT as well. Should I tell them that I'm FtM (which I kind of am?) to make it simpler? Should I try to explain it more thoroughly, though it's confusing even to me sometimes? Should I just say I think I'm transgender but uncertain and want therapy (though that might give them false hope that I'm not going to do anything about this at all)? Uh... I'm not sure.

2. My parents are divorced, so I can't tell them at the same time. However, I feel like I also can't tell just one of them, as one might talk to the other, and I also don't want to make one of them feel like I didn't trust them or whatever. Maybe I should write a letter and send copies to them both?

I feel like my mom will be fairly understanding about all of this. She had to come out as a lesbian herself a few years back, so she'll at least know how hard this can be. My dad... again, he's pretty liberal, but I have this feeling that he will kind of... discount what I'm saying, think that I'm mistaken, that this is some sort of weird phase or something. Maybe he won't, but... I don't know. He's always been less understanding about my lack of femininity (trying to get me to shave my legs, not understanding why I won't wear girl's clothes ["Well, you are a girl," he says, like that would mean anything even if it were true]).

Er. Sorry for this longish mass of texty stuff. I guess I just wanted to try to explain myself fully. I need advice! I don't know how to tell them. I'm pretty close to my parents, but I almost never talk to them about anything that's actually serious. I'm pretty bad about communicating about non-trivial things in general. Actually, I'm just bad at communicating, period. Unless it's relatively anonymous (like here! yay internet!)

Hi Ian,

There are many resources available to deal with this issue; however, before you can come out to your parents, you have to "find" yourself first, know exactly what you are and what you want in order to prepare yourself to answer their questions.  I have these links which I am sure you will find helpful.

COMING OUT TO PARENTS

TEN THINGS YOU CAN DO BEFORE YOUR PARENTS KNOW

COMING OUT TIPS

A COMING OUT STORY

EXTRA ADVICE

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask, ok?  Good luck!

tinkerbell

I would also like to point out that we have a link in our very own Wiki found here:

A guide to coming out to family

and there is information avail in our very own Links Section found on the Main Page under "Coming Out"

Steph

I know the feeling...Personally, I havent came out myself. I've got a fulltime job, and while I know the costs would be large, I could most likely work towards it(I'm 21, but have a relatively good..decent paying, although...stressful at times, job). I've always felt...differenct as a Male, and therefore, I try to look at masculine as I can.(Co-Workers often call me a grizzly bear, so I suppose its working). But Its eating away at me. I've been shy for as long as I can remember, and I've opened up to *one* person, who was my "best friend" back in highschool, but needless to say, we no longer keep in touch after our "talk". After that, my confidence plummeted. Shy...being utterly terrified of rejection..I should be used to it, but Im not...*sigh*.

Also, Ian, my parents are divorced too. I grew up with my mom and 2 sisters, and they usually went shopping with other woman of the family..of course..thats not the big thing. I am a very, compassionate person, I love my family, even though I do wish to strangle them occasionally, but who doesnt?  But...My dad is a Preacher, alot of the older members in the family(especially my mom's mom) has a deep hatred for people of different races, and people like us. I've always been able to talk to my dad about most things, and he has always supported me, but with his DEEP religious values, I'm afraid this will shatter his outlook on me. My mom..meh, I cant tell her a damn thing, nor my sisters. Therefore, Ive always pented most of my..."problems" inside, but they are tearing me apart. I truely feel becoming a woman would lighten the burdun SO much, even it means being dis-owned by my family. I hate the thought of it coming to that, but, I'm tired of hiding behind something I'm not.

Anyway...Guess I'll stop rambling now..for a while anyway. Also, must say, quite a nice site here. Been reading these topics like mad, and I can say they have helped some, which is what made me decide to register.

And at that..suppose I'll hit the sack...5:45AM is a good stopping point..considering Ive read ever topic in the "MTF section" on the first 10 pages, since about 12. Oh yea, I tried that test that Ive seen many of yall talk about, but it wouldnt let me submit for some reason, but its not a big deal, I dont need to take a test to know that Im not meant to be a man...

Anywho..Catch yall later

Welcome Diem.
How about telling us more about yourself and post it on the Introduction Forums https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html.

Ian,
Yes you need to check out the links that Steph and Tinkerbell gave you.
I would also like to suggest that you create a letter to share with your parents, explain how you feel, even your confussion. But don't send it to them hand it to them and be willing to answer any questions they have. As an example here is a link to a letter Steph wrote to here mom https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Letter_to_Mom

Jillieann