Susan's Place Logo

News:

Based on internal web log processing I show 3,417,511 Users made 5,324,115 Visits Accounting for 199,729,420 pageviews and 8.954.49 TB of data transfer for 2017, all on a little over $2,000 per month.

Help support this website by Donating or Subscribing! (Updated)

Main Menu

What was your love life pre-transition like?

Started by Mari, February 27, 2011, 03:34:24 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Mari

So, this question interested me for quite some time. I know some trans-people, usually those who have tranistioned older often have had a family, ie. wife, children, etc. and were trying to suppress their feelings.
On the other hand, i am interested what was life, particularly love life, like for someone like me, who is relatively young (in early 20ies), and not interested in woman sexually. That means I could never marry one. But on the other hand, even though i am attached to guys, i do not fit in, at all, in the gay scheme of things. In theory, i would rather be with a gay guy as a guy than with a woman as a guy, if i were to ever make intimacy happen before completion of transition, but i just was never able to put it all together, so i stayed mostly celibate.
Bottom line is that the most preferable way i want to see my self being intimate is with a guy as a girl, and that implies that the guy is (mostly) str8. But, sometimes i wonder am i setting the bar to high for myself, and ending up depriving myself of intimacy, and emotional relationship.
So, id like to hear your experiences on your subject, and if you can contribute please do.
:)
She is no longer trapped by destiny
And ever since she let go of the past
She found her life was beginning
  •  

SarahD

I think when I actually had a sexual relationship with someone it really made it sink in that I'm actually transsexual.

I'd never had a sexual partner until I was about 21 or 22. I was with a woman and being the male role just didn't feel right and I never enjoyed sex and felt really uncomfortable penetrating.. That was when I realised that I have to do something about my gender issues or I'll never be happy. I'm 23 now and got my Charing Cross Gender Clinic appointment next month and already been self medicating for about 7 months. I feel so much better about myself already! I'm much happier than I was, much more comfortable with my body, and loving the changes hormones have made already in this short time.

I don't think I'd want to be with a woman again. I never thought of men sexually before I started sorting my gender issues, but I think now I've realised that the only reason I was attracted to women was because I wanted to look like them! I cant wait until I start living full time and hopefully meet a strong masculine guy who will treat me well and take care of me!!

Sarah
x
  •  

rejennyrated

Unusually short answer from me.

It was virtually non existent! I can't imagine how anyone CAN have a meaningful love life before. I hated my physical form so much that loving anyone else was a completely meaningless and cruel insult to them.

Just one reason why I only made it to my early twenties before getting SRS.
  •  

Northern Jane

I would have to echo much of what Jenny said.

I was SO attracted to guys from my early teens onward but NOT to Gay guys, not at all. My only attraction to women was curiosity, how I varied (physically) from 'normal women'.

Through my teens I lived part time en femme and although I went out a lot to clubs, dances, or just shopping and I flirted a bit, I always knew sex wasn't an option so I never let things get out of hand. But it was the 1960's and I was just a teen so it wasn't unusual to be a virgin. Oh the drive was there but I wasn't going to let anything happen because it just wasn't right! Despite my resolve, there were a couple of physical contacts with guys and one with a girl prior to surgery and they were remarkably unfulfilling, even distressing.

After surgery was a COMPLETELY different story!  ;D

  •  

Rock_chick

I enjoyed the emotional intimacy of sex...the physical stuff left me very detached and watching proceedings from a distance, which ironically meant I got no complaints as it became all about her. It was actually a bit of a coping mechanism, I knew I was female, knew I was a gay female and in my head thought "well, that sort of works"...it didn't and it did mess my head up a bit. I've so far had one relationship post transition and the difference is very very apparent, being with some one who sees you as female and responds to you as female is really rather amazing. I've lost the detachment for a start.

Oh and I was also a complete magnet for gay men, my ex and I actually used to find it quite cute and funny how worked up they would get, but I've never really been attracted to men.
  •  

Arctic Kat

I was a loner in high school. I always felt too awkward to grow a romantic attachment to anyone...

Social dynamics just confused me since I was little. In kindergarden, I was teased by the boys because my best friend in that class was a girl; I had a mental breakdown and was too afraid to approach her again. It took me a while to realize little boys thought girls were gross, and vice-versa. Through the rest of elementary school, I decided to play it safe and try socializing with boys, even though that was not in my best interest.
In high school, it finally seemed appropriate for boys and girls to mingle with each other, but I still felt awkward. I slowly lost touch with my guy friends, because I couldn't relate to them. I gained a few girl friends; they were nice to me, and I appreciated them for it, but I found it hard to socialize with them. They were looking for boyfriends. I know one girl had a crush on me -- I was flattered, but I couldn't accept her advances on me. Something just didn't feel right.
After graduation from high school and looking back on the situation, I realized what I wanted was a close friendship with a girl, the kind of relationship I was deprived of since kindergarden; I didn't want a romantic relationship. I wasn't emotionally ready for romance.

After high school, I moved to a new city and lost contact with practically all my classmates.
In college, I made a close friendship with a girl. We were good friends for several months, and we were falling in love with each other.
However, I slowly realized I am not very affectionate. She was trying to learn about me, and I was afraid to express my feelings.
Our relationship slowly deteriorated before we got close enough to be a couple.


My whole love life has been a complicated mess, really, so I figure it's best to just stay out of romance. :P
I'm 26 now, and I'm proud to be a virgin.

I'm not saying I'd like to be single forever, but romance is far from the top of my priority list.
Waarom mag een jongen nooit prinsesje
Waarom mag een meisje nooit superman zijn
Elke vogel bouwt z'n eigen nestje
Hier bij ons mag iedereen zijn wie ze zijn
  •  

Terra89

I dated a few girls through highschool, told all of them but they didn't seem to care. Then told my current gf she freaked out for a bit, but were still together now.
  •  

Janet_Girl

I was married three time, all to women.  Gee go figure.  Who would you think a male-bodied lesbian would marry?  My first two marriages produce four children altogether.

But the actual act would happen about once every six months.  In fact my first wife was from high school.  First born was when I was 18.  Sex was just not something I was interested in, not in this form.
  •  

Chantal185

I've never dated in my life at all. I just have so many issues with my own body/ identity that it just never happened. To some degree I have been attracted to girls, but it has always been more of a sisterly thing I was looking for. However I was never the person to pursue girls, or guys for that matter. I guess no one would really consider me for dating because they expect a male vibe coming from me which they will not find. I am still pre transition, and wonder if I will ever date. I wonder how it would be if guys were interested in me. As a guy you are expected to always be the person to make the first move, but it just never clicks in me to do that. I'm also very very picky I feel like I am looking for mr/misses perfect so therefore with women they are being super selective like me, and guys are obviously not interested became they see me as a presumably strait male, perhaps once I start transitioning "chemistry" may work better because I will be seen as a woman, or at least not male anymore, so I may have guys, and lesbian women who find me interesting and want me. Who knows. I'm kind of sad to say that dating is not on my mind much at all.
  •  

Cindy

I've been married for coming on 29 years. I have ae complicated relationship, which can be found at Susan's. I haven't had 'sex' for about 20 years. Haven't missed it until starting HRT and now I find myself checking guys out. Oh  well.

I'm sterile and my T levels are very low anyway, even before AA's.

What is normal for one is abnormal for another, so don't get caught up on it.

Cindy.
  •  

pebbles

I've only had a single relationship that relationship lasted 3 years when I was 17-20 it was with a female. While it was kinda fun when we were together both of us had issues. She was bi-polar The difference is she was honest about her problems.

While we were physically intimate I couldn't use my penis at any point touching it caused a massive amount of dysphoria, It wasn't very fair because she was a normal cis-girl with a normal sexual libido and what the crap was I?

When we broke up nearly 4 years ago I promised I wouldn't put another girl through that until I can get my issues sorted.
  •  

Sarah B

Sex for me was non existent and I just used to wonder why.  I did not find the boys attractive or like them very much.  I liked girls and that was it. I was not interested in having sex with them.  You could say my actual sexuality had not developed, although I considered myself heterosexual at the time and I did have certain thoughts at different times for both sexes.  I guess another way of saying it is, 'I was a late bloomer'.

While I was waiting for surgery, I finally started dating seriously, but did not get involved because of the practicalities and consequences if they found out.  One year after surgery and as Northern Jane said "After surgery it was a COMPLETELY different story!".  I certainly made up for lost time and no I did not sleep around, I'm very particular about my partners.

Kind regards
Sarah B
Be who you want to be.
Sarah's Story
Feb 1989 Living my life as Sarah.
Feb 1989 Legally changed my name.
Mar 1989 Started hormones.
May 1990 Three surgery letters.
Feb 1991 Surgery.
  •  

Joelene9

  •  

regan

I started my last transition about the same time I started dating my then boyfriend.  I don't remember how long I was on hormones before I told him, but once the cat was out of the bag and I kept moving forward, it was only a matter of time before we broke up.  Despite him being a gay man, and me shifting slowly from that role, it actually worked for us for a while.  I've had sex with a few guys since then and it always ends the same way with me freaked out about my genitals.  As it stands now, if I had gay sex I'd told my therapist I'd be on the phone to him the next day begging for an appointment becuase I was so freaked out - and I'm pre-transition.

Maybe the hormones changed me, but since my boyfriend I've been far more interested in emtional relationships with men.  They lead to sex and that freaks me out, and its not fair to them, in my present state I can't be to them what they want me to be.  My two major attractions since my ex, have both been fairly straight males.  I seem to be pretty consistently attracted to straight males.
Our biograhies are our own and we need to accept our own diversity without being ashamed that we're somehow not trans enough.
  •  

azSam

My love life pre-transition: Non-existent

I guess I'll elaborate more.

I was christian in denial about who I was. I was also closeted about my attractiveness towards men. Being christian and attracted to men while feeling like a girl, I thought I was going to hell. So I just didn't have a love life at all. I tried to hook up with some girls at my church but that always ended catastrophically.
  •  

Debra

pre-transition, girls wouldn't have anything to do with me. It's like they could see I was feminine and were turned off or something.

I had 1 gf and 1 wife before transition and that was it.

Since I Transitioned, I've had 1 boyfriend, 2 almost boyfriends, and a million dates.

Apparently guys think I'm attractive as a woman where girls didn't think I was as a man.

Talk about things just fitting into place, eh? ;)

I sometimes wonder how I got so blessed....

  •  

ameliat

I have had sex with two different women...and I wish to be them, and it is depressing...but for me sex was kind of a drug ...stupid I know...the release helped me relax and it was always a fantasy that I was a women, not what my male appear body was...

I think sex had been a very disappointing part of my life. I have asked God why I was born in a very male appearing body?   I am very jealous of women who really enjoy sex...I am still pre op.
Thats about all I have to say on that,
Amelia
  •