I have another experience to share regarding the acceptance of parents.

I'll tell you how I told my parents that I'm going to transition.

I broke. I self admitted myself into a mental hospital for a period of two weeks due to an extreme amount of GID related stress. I had my wife visit me all she could, told her to keep the baby home for the most part, and took the doctor's advice and medicine. I made some incredible friends, but I lost contact as they continued to disassociate due to their worsening (and unquestionably more serious) mental conditions.

I called both of my parents from the hospital and told them over the phone (essentially the same for both) "Do you remember when I was a kid, and we had that family meeting? You said, It's okay if you want to wear girl's clothes, we just want you to be happy? Do you ever wonder why I didn't take you up on that? It was because the clothes really didn't matter. It's because I didn't have the capacity to understand, and I was afraid, that I was transsexual. I'm at the mental hospital now, and I need to have a family meeting with you all tomorrow."

At the meeting the next day I told everyone: my wife, my parents, that I was going to transition. I waited two more years to get to a therapist and go about it in earnest.

My father, who I have mentioned before, is an absolute mess over this. I have addressed him an innumerable number of times on the issue and he has told me: As long as you're all happy, you have to be whatever you need to be. Unfortunately, I know that he feels a great deal of stress, and I am trying to ease Emma into his life as delicately as possible. Still, he likes to be updated.

My mother is an enormous help, just last night she looked me straight in the face and told me to keep going. She knows that I'm a danger to myself as a man. She recognizes the incredible destructive lie I have become adept at living, it's as though she can feel disaster before I get to it, and the last week or so has put her on edge.


If you worry about your parents and their reaction, understand that (among other things) they fear your condition because it pains them to see you in pain. I also understand this, as a parent. Help them to understand that this is the better path and they may help you maintain it down the road.

I hope somehow that some of that helps. Coming out is complicated.

Emma 

*hug* Thank you for posting this, Emma. I'm sorry for the difficult aspects of coming out that you experienced but I am glad that your parents realize that this is necessary for your well-being.

Both my parents are gone now.  Count yourself lucky.  I doubt mine would have been so accepting.

I do Janet. I do. 

I only hope that by posting my experiences some brother or sister can learn or draw a parallel so that they can feel like it can be done. Coming out and becoming accepted / supported / supportive has been a lot like managing a 400 mile eight lane two way freeway. It requires incredible patience, strength, humility, acceptance, and clarity. Forgive me if I somehow offend, I do not intend to rub anything in anyone's face.

I don't think you're rubbing it in anyone's face.  I don't know many people who think their parents are going to be accepting, but mine were.  We have to try...we have to give people a shot and see their real reactions...not our made up reactions that we give them in our own head.

Coming out gives us the impetus to change.  We might be lucky and find support we need.  We may get kicked out of our house and told never to speak to them again.  Either way...we are free to become what we know we need to.

I think people need the positive stories over the negative ones.  Especially younger transitioners.  The older transitioners have so many stories of pain and a hard road that don't apply to younger transitioners and are really doing them a disservice.  Gen X and Millennial parents are going to be much more understanding.

Karmatic has a good vblog post about it: