Alright, so as I near the starting point of transition in mere weeks....a lingering issue is going to come back to the surface once more, dealing with my mother. This time I am not going to budge on my stance, and my decisions, so regardless of the turn out, she's either gonna have to live with this and come to acceptance at  some point...or we will lose contact.

I want to make this as peaceful as possible, as we have had a stable relationship for the past year, but gender has also not been brought up in over a year. I think a letter for coming out may be best because I have a harder time of explaining exactly what I feel or think in words, and there is also a chance/likelihood she will try and cut me off and disregard it if it's in person. That way if I send her a letter, I will have gotten everything wrote down that I want to, and she I imagine will read it all. I hope to explain my hopes we can keep our peace, and that I am simply now dealing with that which I cannot fight off, and I have tried fighting it off for long enough now. She holds no ropes on my finances and ability to support myself, I pay for all my expenses now, so she has no power over me anymore.

Any thoughts or suggestions on things to deal with this when it does come up? I probably will do it after I start HRT and know I will keep with it.

Hi Findingreason

I think you do quite right now.
Your text is honest, to the point and you are writing that you want to keep peace but also determinate to live your own life.
I think your writing is quite clear, nobody would have a hard time to understand what you mean.

good luck and hugs
annette

I really can't say anything more than annette. Honest, straight forward. To the point. A definate.

Findingreason,

You have battled so long and have made peace with your Mom.  Build on that and let her see that you have made a adult decision regarding transition.

You have thought about this for a while, I can tell.  Go forth with your plans, stand fast for them. 

Good luck, fr. That's all I can say, really. I really hope things go over well with your mom this time. If not... well, I dare say it's pretty apparent who's the more mature one of you two then. It's her loss. And she might come round later when she sees 'the new you' and sees that you're happier as your true self.

In any case, good luck. *hugs*

You will always be your mother's little boy/girl.  Anything you say or do, regardless of your intent, may come off looking like her child shaking their fist, stamping their foot and threatening to hold their breath until they get their way.  Just frame whatever you do with this in mind.  A letter is a good idea, but its like pulling the trigger on a gun, you can't control what the bullet does and you certainly can't put it back.  It may pay off, in the long term, to sit her down and explain it to her face to face.  Make it a public place if you're worried about a negative reaction.

As for gaining her support, I'm struggling with the same issues, I know my parents are going to make it their mission to protect me from myself.  Lay out for her all that you've done, all the intermediate (and more so irreversable) steps you've taken to try to resolve this without going to the "nuclear option".  She might still refuse to listen to you, but its much better then being reduced to a toddleresque tempertantrum in the middle of Starbucks.