Quote from: regan on March 01, 2011, 11:51:06 AM
I understand what you're saying, but for me, to the outside world, that gets too close to sounding like a crossdresser.

I think you have to target it to their level of understanding, I've referred to HRT as my version of an anti-depressant in the past.  Or that despite everything that goes against the path we've chosen (to transition to some degree), how can you put a price or a condition on being happy?

Yeah, I view HRT as hitting the brakes on a runaway train, perhaps a little late, but maybe we can salvage something.

I actually know of a couple of cross dressers who have transitioned. They identify as such as well, which is odd, but they're very happy. They pretended to be transsexuals through the whole process. Who am I to judge? So what? If they're happy...

I think that anyone who says "I need HRT / GRS for my sanity" is not a cross dresser. No matter if they are autogynophelic (sp?) or whatever. Besides, there's not a woman alive that I know of that doesn't love softness, pretty clothes, and the feel of silk. It's just, you know, they don't love to doll up all the time. That stuff takes time, money, and effort!

The way I explain it to my closest woman friends is: "I have some very real problems with being the physical gender I was born into. I'm female. I may not be a woman to everyone yet, but damnit, I'm not a man."

Quote from: EmmaM on March 01, 2011, 12:14:59 PM
I actually know of a couple of cross dressers who have transitioned. They identify as such as well, which is odd, but they're very happy. They pretended to be transsexuals through the whole process. Who am I to judge? So what? If they're happy...

I think that anyone who says "I need HRT / GRS for my sanity" is not a cross dresser. No matter if they are autogynophelic (sp?) or whatever. Besides, there's not a woman alive that I know of that doesn't love softness, pretty clothes, and the feel of silk. It's just, you know, they don't love to doll up all the time. That stuff takes time, money, and effort!

I would argue that anyone on the gender spectrum finds the idea of the resulting body modifications brought about by HRT appealing.  I think the distinguishing fact lies in the permanance of those changes.  Crossdressers, at some point, don't want to give up their assigned gender.  Anyone can say they need this, that or the other thing for their "sanity", but successfully integrating those choices in their life is another matter.

Quote from: regan on March 01, 2011, 12:24:55 PM
I would argue that anyone on the gender spectrum finds the idea of the resulting body modifications brought about by HRT appealing.  I think the distinguishing fact lies in the permanance of those changes.  Crossdressers, at some point, don't want to give up their assigned gender.  Anyone can say they need this, that or the other thing for their "sanity", but successfully integrating those choices in their life is another matter.

You are right, and therein lies the oddity of the crossdressers I know. They have completely permanently altered their bodies, they are happy, but they do not want to live socially as women. Go figure. I get confused, do they want to be a he or a she? I love it when I'm called "her." I think the social acceptance issue is what separates us. Some of us must settle for that type of existence- a private woman's life, a public man's life- I personally can not imagine a more clearly defined hell.

I can tell you that once starting AA and HRT, my clinical depression lightened tremendously.  With regards to clothing, underclothing, jewelry, and makeup, it may sound like a crossdresser, but in my case it's about expressing who I am in my heart and in my head, and who I want people to see and with whom I want them to interact.   I want my outward appearance and behavior to reflect the individual I actually am, not the person everyone has always expected me to be.

@ Chantal185

i read your explaination and just cried. im relatively new to working through these feelings but you word for word described my life.

im a little in shock, but youve really solidified in my mind that im going about things the right way, and am doing the right thing.

in terms of my own explaining to others what it feels like, ive only confided to 2 people. 1 i told during a night when i was on the verge of suicide and just knew i had to keep talking to keep living. i just told her i had had a sudden realisation that i couldnt ignore any more that i had always been more womanly than any man normally would. i confided in another friend who i didnt have to explain it to, because she replied by telling me she was ftm. so i havent really had to explain it to anyone.

tbh Chantal185 your way of talking about it has given me a far better idea of how ill eventually tell my parents. thankyou <3

Hi Emma

you wrote: but I was just wondering if it is at all possible to come to a point in your life where you feel you are completely at peace with yourself and your past.

I can tell you...Yes
I think that how hard it was, transition did me good.
I've learned a lot about myself, the struggles has made me strong and because of all those expiriences I am what I am now.
Never had any problems when telling somebody, it's all about the way you present yourself, when you are a proud and strong Tgirl you can present yourself the way you want and people has to accept that or leave.

My transition started in the 70-ies and it was a hard time, but i've made it so far.
I am happy in the way I am now, and I am proud of what I've achieved in the last 30 years.

So, you have the chance of an once in a lifetime expirience, it will make you stronger than you was ever before.
You are gonna be a strong and proud transgirl ( you was allready pretty) and when you look back in a few years you can say...wooow that strange dutch woman named, annette was right about that, at least I hope so.

have faith in yourself honey.

hugs
annette

I am getting ready to come out to my church and have spoken to my priest about it and she said a letter would be best.  Its an Episcopal Church and transsexuals et al. are fully welcome and accepted as laiety or clergy, but I have been in this congregation for 21 years as male, so it may be a bit of a jolt to them, but this is part of what I have written so far:

QuoteFor some of us the secrets that we have in our hearts and lives are terrible. For years we carry the secret, being unable to admit to ourselves what it is or that we possess it.  When the secret begins back in our childhoods it will  be terror and pain that we cannot as children put a name, or face to.  As we grow older and put a name and body to the secret, we see even more terror in it and still try to keep it hidden from our daily thoughts and even more so from our dreams.  We use all sorts of devices to keep those secrets out of our lives.  We tell ourselves that something else in our lives is more important to deal with than that secret.  We let other people demand our time, or place burdens on us that help us conceal the secret.  The list is endless, but at some point in time the secret will resurface, and then we will try to hide ourselves from it in ways that are destructive to ourselves or others.  Beginning at age 5, and for the 55 years after,  I found convenient hiding places for my secret, but the hiding could not last, it's season ended.

.....................(Note on the fact that mine lead to alcohol and drug abuse ..........................

QuoteThe secret was Gender Identity Disorder, I am transsexual. I had never felt comfortable or proper as the male I had been classified as at birth.  Trying to be someone whom I had let other people name and define and living what was in fact a lie had been too much.  Once the secret had a name, other pieces of my life started coming together, holes in my past were filled, and the reasons why I did not feel right when such simple things as a compliment was given to me became clear. Admitting that I was both an Alcoholic and transsexual began a "cleansing of my heart" that continues daily now.

Two of my children who are now adults went there until they got out on their own.  (I am a grandparent.)

I prefer to have had a secret hidden and guarded from myself in my heart than a woman trapped in my body.  I am comfortable being  transsexual but mostly I just want to be ME without an adjective in front of it. 

Quote from: EmmaM on March 01, 2011, 12:50:11 PM
Some of us must settle for that type of existence- a private woman's life, a public man's life- I personally can not imagine a more clearly defined hell.

Compared to a life of shame, secrecy, and self-doubt, I think you've described my heaven.

Last night, at a dinner party, my wife asked Ed whether he felt strange being the only man in the room. She forgot for the moment, that the others in the room thought I was a man, too. Heaven!

It is so wonderful being able to be open to my wife (painful, though it is at times), my therapist, and my virtual friends here. I describe myself as having a male body, with male genetics, and a brain that was born female. While female brains in female bodies are marinated in estrogen, and raised as female, mine has been subjected to testosterone, which nearly killed me three years ago, and raised as male. While estrogen therapy may have its dangers, testosterone is by no means benign. Taking finasteride was like the scene depicted in some ads for allergy medicine: a gray filter was stripped away, and I could see the world in all its natural brilliance.

Next week, my therapist and I are scheduled to discuss hormones, and, later, my wife wants to be part of the discussions. I don't feel a need to change my body or my presentation much; I do need to be honest with my best friend/lifelong partner and with myself. I also need to strip away some of the false facade, and see the self that lies hidden, and let it grow and develop. I need constant love and re-assurance, and frequent cuddling. It all sounds like heaven to me.

But, I also love to hear about your transition, Emma, and wish you the best,
S

For me the answer depends as how the subject arose, and also who is asking. For example:

One morning I was inside a gas station when one of those red neck who has been looking at me said: "are you a ->-bleeped-<-?" I raised my voice and said: "I am a just a woman, and if you do not stop harassing me I am going to call the police" Everybody in the store look at the guy, and he left in rush. Mind you it was 8:00 AM I was getting coffee, and I was wearing my usual androgynous suit. I pass 99% of the time except whn I open my big mouth.

Another time, a coworker asked me as we were working together in a project: "what are you wearing it smells nice," I said "oh, thanks, it is Coco Mademoiselle." He paused for a minute and then he said: "No offense, but you are a girl, aren't you?" I quickly responded: "Yes I am, just that somebody put the wrong "piping" down there! but we are going to fix it" He look at me and we both lough. Sine then he started to refer to me as "she<" and to my delighted it spread through the division.

To my children and few close friends I have explained what we know about the biological basis of GID; you know, the BST gender identity center in the brain and its associated gens, etc

Love,

Kate

Quote from: JennX on March 01, 2011, 06:54:47 AM
My mind and body don't fit together.

One of the analogies I like to use to describe it is, when I used to walk by a mirror I wouldn't recognize myself. Almost as if I was looking at the reflection of a stranger. I'd be like wow, I really look like that? That's the best, most simple terms I can describe it in.

That is how I feel.  For so many years I would see my reflection in the mirror and just stare like I was trying to figure out who that was.  Later, I just tried to avoid mirrors in general. 

I can't really identify with the "trapped in a man's body."  Though I do sometimes feel trapped by the situation, I identify more with the birth defect explanation where my body does not match who I am. 

I have not really explained it to many people, and the few people that I've tried to explain this to don't really understand.  I've yet to find a great explanation for those that have no understanding - would love to though.

"I'm a walking punchline to the world's sickest joke"
"It's like being born into wear clothes five times too small, and still everyone wonders why you look so uncomfortable"
(I hijacked this from someone else but I've used it on a lot of friends) "I'm a man, end of story. I've just got physical deformities".

I've got some big, long diatribes I've launched at friends who didn't fully grasp it. I'm a mega-cynic, so none of them are lighthearted or amusing.

"I have GID, a mental condition in which my brain tells me I am a female when my body is genetically male.  There is no cure for my brain currently; I can only seek ways to mitigate the discomfort it brings through my behavior and ways I interact with the world."

Mostly I don't.... It is only on sites like this that I am so open about things. IRL I live in semi-stealth.

On the rare occasion when I do say something it usually goes along the lines: "I was born with a few scrambled genes. I was of somewhat ambiguous gender and I needed some minor medical treatment in my early twenties to help me sort that out. It was all fixed several decades ago although sadly it left me unable to bear any children."

That's pretty much what I say to Jenny, "I was supposed to be a boy but something went wrong."

I am not as secretive now - don't feel the need after 37 years - I am so firmly entrenched that when I told a girl friend a few months ago she just stood there with her mouth open in  disbelief.

I don't tell anyone anything.  However, there are only 4 family members, 3 female and one male that know any in depth information about that side of my life and only two long time friends who also know that side of my life.  Other family members have never really asked me any questions regarding my issue.  They have just accepted me for who I am.

Over the years my doctors have numbered 7 who knew about my medical condition.  Of those 3, they no longer have my records, so in a sense they do not know any more.

Take care and I wish your dreams come true like mine

Kindest regards
Sarah B
[Edit]Took out stuff that was irrelevant.

It was my first time out in public today as a woman while being unconcerned with passing, it seems to have had a ripple effect. I felt as though I was no longer  lying or wearing a costume to hide the male. I was myself,  I  felt good, but also realized that my issues are far deeper than any simple living as a woman can  solve. Though, doing so is proving absolutely necessary. I didn't  even explain myself to anyone.

That sounds that you are on the right track.
No need for hiding yourself anymore, you also have the right to be on this world.
Keep on going girl.

hugs
annette

Quote from: EmmaM on March 06, 2011, 05:53:19 PM
It was my first time out in public today as a woman while being unconcerned with passing

HOORAY!! 

Quote from: EmmaMit seems to have had a ripple effect. I felt as though I was no longer  lying or wearing a costume to hide the male. I was myself,  I  felt good

HOORAY, HOORAY!!

Quote from: EmmaMbut also realized that my issues are far deeper than any simple living as a woman can  solve. Though, doing so is proving absolutely necessary.

Hence the WPATH SoC requirement for the real life experience, and the regular assistance of a good gender therapist.

Quote from: EmmaMI didn't  even explain myself to anyone.

Exactly as it should be.  They neither require nor deserve any explanation.  You are simply you, as you are. 

Quote from: Helena on February 28, 2011, 04:52:19 PM
I usually tell people about how I used to get phantom boobs and witter on about how when I was growing up I would have gladly swapped body hair and shaving for periods.

People tend to get the point after that.

as for feeling awesome about being TS...it's barely part of my identity really, I increasingly see myself as female and a woman before I'm trans anything

What exactly do you mean by phantom boobs?

I really feel its kinda like being black in the 60s. Most "normal" people will let you live in peace as long as they are at a comfortable distance, but as soon as your are a doctor, lawer, banker, ect. It is not as acceptable. People don't ridicule publicly, at least not where I live. The most common comment I do hear is that they don't "agree" with our "choices".

And as far as being TS...Id rather F*^! a cactus.
But fornicating with a cactus won't make me match my body, so...I guess I'm stuck with TS, and at least I don't have to pull needles out of my crotch.

Love
KARII