Ok, my ex is getting her anger out on me still, and quite frankly I don't mind at the moment, as I want her to be able to move on. However, she said something's that although was meant to insult me, instead it made me laugh and I actually did, and I feel so evil! I really cared for her, and as such laughing at what is her blatantly showing how much hurt I have caused just makes me want to cry as well.

Ok, so some of the more repeatable comments where "that I should grow some balls" and that "u aren't man enough" for her! I feel like explaining exactly why those comments are a little bit more poignant in our case.  But I really don't want everyone to know before I get the right opportunity to tell people in my own way, I'm only at 3 in my outing number so far. I really wish I could lay this ghost of the past to rest, but I fear until I tell her she is just going to keep contacting me with some very worrying threats added, especially directed towards me and my family. But then I have no guarantee that even if I did tell her that it would solve her extreme swings, between pity that we failed and hatred towards me.

I feel tempted to just ignore her, but I want her to move on and I feel that if I can't explain it then I should be a bit of a punching bag. Yet I know that is extremely unhealthy. God I hope she finds someone else soon! Any ideas how I can diffuse this?

You: Honey, aren't we broken up?  We're not longer a couple right?
Her: Yes.
You: You should really get a therapist to tell this to.
Hang up.

tekla that is so true! I wish I could, I keep saying it's the last time I'll reply and that we are over, start blocking her calls and then I get messages and feel that I should help in some way. I'm way too soft with her.

I think 'co-dependent' is the word you're looking for, not soft.

I love it when someone makes something so amazingly clear! I guess that is how I keep getting drawn back into it. I'm going to have to sever it for good aren't I... Thanks for cutting straight to the answer. I never thought that I would end up in a relationship where I stripped my own identity... However seen I didn't like my identity, and felt it was fake anyway, I think it was very easy to just ignore it. Wow, thanks for the councilling! lol.

I was in the same position and it really hurts what a spouse can say or do, I was married almost 2 decades (that sounds long and it felt long) and have 2 wonderful twin daughters who are my pride and joy.   At my final divorce hearing the judge was very stern with her and ordered her to attend anger managment classes due to the way she has treated me.
Just be strong and know that you are doing this for you.

I totally agree with Tekla, and one thing you do, if you don't already, is to use the answering machine. If it's her you don't answer if it someone else you do.

She needs to move on and is in a denial so you have to suffer, I'm not woman enough to keep a man type attitude. She probably wouldn't want to re-establish the relationship anyway so she's firing off her emotions.

Just Ignore her (JMO)

Cindy

My ex did the same thing but we were still together.  I have not talked to her in moths now.  And that surprises me.  I sent her a letter that we had to work out a fairer alimony and she has not answered.  So I guess it is OK with her.

You need to get away from her.  Change your number, whatever.  You have a right to your own life, your way.

Hi Rachel

Why should you be the emotional punchball for her.
She just has to accept that life together is over and get a life of her own.
I think the lady is bad medicine for you, at least you don't feel better after such conversations.
So, an answeringmachine should be a good investment for your mental sake.
Or just saying: sorry I don't want to discuss this with you, find somebody else for nagging, goodbye and farwell.

It's better for your mood.

Hugs  and strenght for you

annette