I was having a long talk with my mom and my uncle last night and I was pretty honest with them that I would like to start living full time, but I'd be looking for some acceptence. My mom's reaction was simply that the fact that she can't lose a son that she's given birth to for a daughter that she doesn't want. My uncle believes that I am a female impersonator and that because I have opted to not have SRS done, that I am a man dressed as a woman. That's right, he believes that my gender is more defined by what's in between my legs more than what's in between my ears.

Now I've been going out periodically, and I always have a great time. My mom tells me that she stopped going to a local shopping mall for fear of running into me or just seeing me. I've been going to a gender friendly nightclub for the past year, and it allows me to be my true self, and to be with people like myself as well.

Now what my mom and uncle would really like me to do, is to revert to just dressing at my apartment. They don't see why I need to be going out and mingling with society. I tell them that it's about acceptance. Should I just refine myself to just areas that are TG accepted or should I forge forward?

Gina 

Quote from: gina_taylor on January 12, 2007, 05:02:39 AM
Should I just refine myself to just areas that are TG accepted or should I forge forward?

Gina 

Forge forward, it's your life to live you don't have to hide it behind four walls and a door for anyone... race you out shopping...

I'd like to help you, but its a tough one. You obviously feel good about yourself going out in public and you are confident. Thats good to hear. I dont like how your mum though has said she'll steer clear of shopping malls if your there dressed up, thats a bit crude.
I have dreams of going out in public, but have only done so at nighttime for a nightly stroll.
I'll give you credit for coming out to your uncle too. I'll never come out to my Dad. My mum knows and shes the greatest, she has full support behind me. She came up last year to my flat and she saw me "how I live and how I am". I wear my nightgowns not to just sleep in, but lounge in, mum did'nt care, she was comfy...she had no qualms at all.....
But getting back to you, its up to you....and by the way, people will notice no matter how much make-up you put on. I know a TS and she puts layers on and people look at her, she hates it but she made the choice....

I don't know why you require acceptance from them.  By saying you will only do it after they accept you living as you are, you have pretty much given them all power over you.  My mom and dad don't accept me, but it didn't stop me because this was something I knew inside.  I don't know how to help you with feeling you don't need bodily modification, because I don't feel the same way about myself, but I think your conviction about yourself only comes off as half-hearted to them and that is why they are having trouble seeing you as female.

Melissa

Thanks for your confidence Nikki. I really don't wan to just stay in the TG areas, but I will be going more mainstream.

I'm really glad to hear that  your mom is supportive of you Pretty. Since I moved out, my mom hasn't been once to my apartment because she fears that she may see something that she will not agree with. That's a very good point there about your friend, and it's something that I may discuss with my parents about. I feel that it's more on the presentation than anything else. Thank you for noticing that I feel about myself, and yes I do have a lot of confidence when I go out.

I always appreciate your kind heartfelt word Melissa. Acceptence would be nice, even if it were a small percentage. But I guess I'm just being delusional there. This year I had decided that I was gong to be more true to myself, and so the only time that I am in my male persona is when I have to work. Any other time past that and I'm portraying my feminine persona. Melissa, tell me, how can I improve my conviction so that it doesn't seem half-hearted?

Gina

Hi Gina...

I wouldn't seek acceptance, just get on with your life.

Through my own experience, blending into society means mixing with ordinary people and just being yourself. I went to support groups and mixed with TS / TV's etc for a period and I learnt a lot and made lots of friends.

There came a time when I was confident to move on and started going out part time, before going fulltime. Initially all I wanted was tollerance, not acceptance or understanding. It was difficult at first, early transition can be a time when pardon the term,you are in no mans land and going out can be scary and stressful, but it gets easier with time and confidence.

I went out in more public places, started shopping for my own clothes, trying them on, using the rest rooms and tollerance went not to acceptance (because no one knows) but to the whole experience being just a natural part of my life.

As time unfolds, it is not your family and friends that you need acceptance from, it is ensuring that the perception of the rest of society is that you are Female and dressing in your own room will not achieve that.

Go out, hold your head high and learn to be Gina in the realworld.

Buffy

Thanks Buffy for the swift kick in the butt. What you've said makes a lot of sense to me, and I'm going to do exactly that! I'm going to be concentrating on the more important things.

I was just corresponding with my lover and she's so excited about us living together next year (read in my going part time post) but I've decided that I've got  to start doing things for ME to make my life happier and that is moving to Iowa and being with my lover.

Gina 

Quote from: gina_taylor on January 12, 2007, 12:12:29 PM
I was just corresponding with my lover and he's so excited about us living together next year...

Hmm, I thought your lover was MTF--at least that's what it says in your other post.  I'm sorry, but I find it a bit ironic that you complain about your uncle seeing you as a man dressed as a woman and yet you refer to an MTF as "he".

Melissa

I'm sorry Melissa. Typographical error. My lover is a MTF. I'll watch it next time.  Anyway, after talking with my uncle for three hours, he's come to the conclusion that I am gay. . .

Gina

Quote from: gina_taylor on January 12, 2007, 01:39:42 PM
Anyway, after talking with my uncle for three hours, he's come to the conclusion that I am gay. . .

So do you like men, women or both?

Melissa

You have to do what's best for you, Gina. No one can live your life. When I told my wife, she didn't approve but did not stop me from being myself. Matter of fact, she wears some of my outfits.

Gennee

Hey Melissa,

I am very much considered to be BI-SEXUAL.  But still by societies standards if I have sex with a man, that's considered a gay relationship, but if I have sex with a woman it's all right. Good 'ol catch 22 situation there.

Thanks for your kind and heartfelt words of advice Genne. I have decided that I am going to be doing what is best for ME! I was recently talking with my therapist about all this, and he told me that the choice is up to me, but keep in mind that my parents aren't going to be around forever. I felt good that at least he's on my side.

Gina

Quote from: gina_taylor on January 13, 2007, 05:59:42 AM
I am very much considered to be BI-SEXUAL.  But still by societies standards if I have sex with a man, that's considered a gay relationship, but if I have sex with a woman it's all right. Good 'ol catch 22 situation there.

Ok, I suspected you were.  Reason I asked si because I feel if you are bi, it really does make our sexual orientation a non-issue, since there would be no reason to change gender on that basis alone.

Melissa

That's right Melissa. I'm more happier being a woman, but I do like the ability to have sex with a woman at times, like a man would. That is actually one thing that my lover is looking forward to once she has her SRS done. But she does look at me more as a woman and not as a man, if that makes sense.


My mom and I just had it out, and she's really upset at the fact that I want to go part time. The whole idea of me going out in public as a woman embarasses her very much. So she told me that she doesn't understand why she and my father are doing things still for me.  The company that I've been working for for the past 13 years is owned by them and am very much dependent on them for my source of income and my medical. If I leave to pursue my life as a woman, they will totally cut me off from everything, so I will be disowned. But I have tried to lessen things by which I have told them that I won't be doing certain things such as legally changing my name, and that I can go by the commonlaw way, and that I'd like to be still considered a part of the family, and that they'd never see me as a woman since they despise the thought so much. My mom tells me that because I will be inbetween will be considered as a FREAK. But you see I've tried to explain to her that I have the ability to alternate right now. From Monday to Friday I present myself in my male persona and on the weekends I become a woman. I showed her this post and her comment was simply, "Why should I care about your friends? The only person I care about is you, as my son."

Gina 
I don't care much these days  of what my parents think about my lifestyle. I have to do what is best for ME. I have been going out evry weekend and have been thoroughly enjoying myself!  It's so nice to be treated as a woman

Gina

Something you may want to look into is finding another job (and if you are inclined to go "full time," this is absolutely required).  It may feel a little sneaky to do so, but this is an acceptable practice as long as you (discretely) do so on your own time (and with that in mind, don't let your parents know until you've got a job lined up).  And I don't think this action would compare to the injustice of intimidating you through bribery.

Ideally you should have the opportunity to continue your job and be open, but such a reality would require what seems to be a major change of heart from both of your parents (unlikely), or a successful (and ugly) legal battle -- depending on the state you live in, the latter may or may not be feasible.  Failing that, the next best option would be find a job that will accept you, or at least won't have the extensive private knowledge your parents have.  While this can be a difficult transition for you, it will also give you an opportunity to prove yourself in the workplace and become an independent person.  It's quite possible your situation may become even better if they've been holding a grudge against you in their evaluations.

Your parents may be angry at you at first, but they will probably grow to accept you more for a couple reasons: 1) You'll be able to hold a job without their intervention.  2) Their powerlessness will force them to ease up.

Hopefully you are in an industry where this sort of change is practical.

Gina,

My dear, it is high time you cut those apron strings.  This is a litle bit of tough love:  If you are old enough to live on your own, you are old enough to get your own job and spend the money any way you want.  I would not respect my adult child if she wanted to have financial help, but still make her own decisions.  Every dollar you take from mom and dad right now has strings attached.  So, it is your choice:  keep your job and be mom's puppet.  Or make a clean break and begin to live your life.

We love you, girl, and we are all pulling for you.

Kristi

Thanks Kaelin for your good advice. But unfortunately there are some risks, that I'd prefer to avoid, like thanks to my present job, far too many people know me, and even though I feel that I am passable, there may be a slight chance that somebody will see me and snitch. It's happened before. So that is why I am making plans to move to Des Moines, Iowa to live with my MTF girlfriend and also to find a job. She's already looking for a medical policy that will be good for me, because I am on medication and if I don't have a medical policy it's going to cost me a lot of money.

Your sweet and heartfelt words really make a lot of sense to me Kristi and I really appreciate them. That is why I am making plans right now to do things on my own or at least with my girlfriend. After she has her SRS, we're going to get married!

Gina