The reason I ask is because I have had therapists that wanted to spend all my time in counceling talking about me being rape at age of 10 and childhood prostitution that we never got around to my being transsexual. I would hear anyone thoughts
Kim

ps would like your help

Kim:

I really can't speak for any one else, but overall the issues of transsexuality are innate.  In other words, it is a gift you are born with, not driven to.

That being said, though, I could see how your therapists are wanting to focus more on your traumatic youth and how you come to grips with those issues and then dealing with your transsexuality.

They may feel that if you can come to peace with your childhood issues, your transsexuality may change.

Of course these are things only you can answer, I am not a therapist.  I hope you can fine solace.

-Sandy

No, they don't have anything directly to do with being TG.  But it's still significant abuse.  My therapist wants to use the year I'm spending in RLT to examine my abusive childhood, so that when I do get SRS, I really feel I deserve it and have pretty much worked through the anger, resentment, low self-esteem and reluctance to establish trusting relationships with others. 

My transgender-ness probably caused my stepfather to direct his abuse at me, in the mistaken belief that it would some how 'make' a 'man' out of me.  His 'tough-love' approach failed.  I'm still TG.  But he saddled me with some other stuff to deal with.

So the therapist is using the time to assist me in getting healed from his warped, abusive form of 'love'.

You might ask your therapist for reassurance that 1) he or she has diagnosed you as TG/TS and that that's no longer an issue, and that 2) they won't withhold their certification of your readiness for SRS until (they feel) you are really, really reallly Really REALLY (etc,) ready.  Basically ask if they feel there will be any problem with you hitting the SOC milestones in the minimum prescribed times, and if they see problems, ask what they are.  Don't be afraid to take your business elsewhere.   But also seriously weigh what your current therapist has to say.

And remember, "I'm not a Doctor (but, I play one on TeeVee.)" meaning I'm not an expert, so take my advice as nothing more that some well-meaning suggestions...

Karen

think for your help. got to go for now

why does transsexualism have to be the result of something so destructive as sexual abuse?
there may be [a correllation] in some cases, but I don't think it's [causative.]
I know a great many ts people, both men and women, and [none of them] has been sexually abused.
many scientific studies [i didn't believe this until recently] suggest that transsexuality, is determined in [the womb] through either environmental or genetic factors, or both. it's not a choice, and it's not a disease, and it's not the fallout of a [terrible experience.] it just IS.

When I was 5 years old I was sexualy abused by my grandmother who then prostituted me to American Military Personel for cigarettes, powder milk, chocolate and nylons that she could sell on the black market. Then I was physicaly abused  by my mother and step father until I ran away from home at 14.
For a long time I din't know if this had a bearing on my TGism. Was I escaping into an other role, persona or identity to escape the memory and the misery? I don't think so. Having worked through the abuse and made my peace with my abusers I  don't care anymore. I am who I am. They know who I am, A unique and wondrous complex person who won't fit any label or imposed limitations.
The abuse made me strong, I have been able to survive 72 hours of torture by the British Army and RUC Special Branch without breaking, eventually they had to give up! Prison taught me to enjoy my own company and appreciate the company of others, The abuse, homelessness, and marginalisation  gave me empathy with victims of injustices.
My recovery gave me insight into their needs and how to support and help them on their daily struggle. My anger fuel my passion and anihilate any fear that could get in the way of me doing what I feel and know is right.
My compassion allows me to be nonjudgemental and accepting in my dealing with others. My TGism allow me to get close, relate and share with women, children and men on an eqality bases without messy power games. It allows both my strength and my vulnerability to co-exist in harmony instead of competing in trying to fit one gender profile or the other.
I feel complete and blessed. In hell's fire I was inured and I survived!
I am sharp, I am strong, I am flexible, I am gentle, I am deep, I am fun-loving, I am open to the whole range of human feelings and experiences. It is time for the left side and the right side of my brain to come together and unleach their full analytic, intuitive and creative potential. It is time to for my spirituality to express itself freely and celebrate my destiny.
So yes I am happy and proud to be ME.
Love, Light and Respect.
Maebh

One of the reasons I have yet to (and have no plans to) mention what I experienced as a child is in part because one I can deal with it myself and two it is a distraction from the issue at hand, I feel.

That said any such situation makes a very VERY large impression in one's life. IF you blindly ignore the repercussions from such then I can understand talking to therapists and such about it when the issue at hand is not at all related.

Still, that all said it certainly doesn't hurt to have a therapist to talk to about such things, but DO voice your concerns upon what you are talking to them for in the first place. Remember, the therapist is there to help.

I am not sure if I have enough experience one way or the other.  But I think that although childhood abuse is a terrible thing and must be delt with either with therapy of by yourself working through the issues (only you can tell which is needed for you) I do not think it has anything to do whetehr or not someone is Transgendered.  I do think that to many of us, myself included, want to find a reason why we are-because it will be easier to explain to others and maybe in some cases we are looking for sympathy from others (although I haven't found much of that).  I like Kate's response, but then I usually do, it just is and we need to decide how we need to deal with it.


Mary   

I do not believe childhood sexual abuse has anything to do with transsexualism.
It cannot make someone TS. You either are, or you're not, period, regardless of any life experiences.
However, I do believe in pseudo-transsexualism, which can be caused by a number of things, including sexual abuse or rape.
This may be what your therapist is trying to rule out.

Kimmie,
  From experience I say don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I spent 3 years in counselling for my rape even before I knew I was TG (this I realized and embraced several years later). I know I had to be made whole just to be able to live as a person of any type. I was lucky in that I received a seat in a life skills program as part of my counselling as well. This is where they tear you down and help rebuild you with communication skills, coping mechanisms etc so you can feel you are whole and worthy. I feel this is one of the reasons I did not have to do counselling for my being IS. If your counsellor is tracking down this road chances are, as others mentioned, it's because only after you deal with it you can start healing and actually accepting yourself. I cannot guarantee this and only you can tell how good your counsellor is. However, same as TGism and orientation have nothing to do with one another, neither does abuse and being TG. Think about it, since you were abused wouldn't it make more since that as a result you would want to look and feel less feminine instead of more? This is human nature for two reasons. First it allows us to place the blame where it actually belongs rather than blame ourselves (though after counselling you learn that this is the way it should be anyways). And secondly, the less feminine a victim feels gives them security that it won't happen again since we are not attractive to a rapist/abuser. Of course another myth, but that's human nature. Hope this helps you. Good luck,
                           Kim   
   

       I would like to thank everyone for their help,and thoughts.
I hope others will continue on this post

        Love Kim

  Often times childhood sexual abuse can result in gender confusion which mimics but is not the same as gender dysphoria.  Perhaps, considering your childhood background, your therapists were simply satisfying themselves that this was not the case with you.  They and thier patients have a lot to lose if they give a GID diagnosis and are wrong.  I'm not saying you aren't transsexual just that they have a responsibility to be absolutely sure of it. 

I did not know what "transsexualism" was or that there was even a name for believing I was a girl, But, I knew that many years before I was raped by an adult neighbor (subsequently sold to his friends for "use").

And yes, my therapist spent much time helping me to understand the rape and things that happened after that.  The therapist never felt or suggested it had anything to do with my transition.

Sarah L.

Mine focuses allot on the death of my mother and my issues with my father, it's a pretty common theme for therapists to want to eliminate all other issues before dealing with gender issues, though I went FT before even seeing a gender specialist so that kind of forced my gender issues to the forefrount seeing as how they were of paramount importance.

Early on my therapist suggested that I could be wanting to transition to compensate for the lack of feminine influence in my life (I lived just with my father until I turned 18 since my mother died when I was 10 and my sister was out of house 90% of the time until she moved out when I was 14) and I suppose it's important to eliminate those types of things as early on as possible as otherwise they'll hang over you during transition. That theory couldn't be further from the truth, in the breif period where I had a happy normal family the feelings were stronger than ever while living allong with my father I completely shut down as a person picked up allot of bad habbits and completely suppressed all my gender issues for a fair while to a point where I'd only think about it once or twice a month or so and then quickly forget that I had thought about it.

Wow, I'm sure glad my therapist just accepted me as I am, rather than trying to pin it on some traumatic event or other in my life. That way, we could work on how I was going to deal with it and the reactions of various people.

The vast majority of people have trauma; some have terrible trauma. There would be an awful lot of transitioning going on if it were linked to being transsexual. It makes sense, though, to use therapy deal with the issues that do arise out of trauma, and post traumatic stress disorder, before adding to one's stress by transitioning. And, of course, to ensure that that is the only route to ease the pain.

For the record though, I've been lucky. No major traumas in my life. Happy childhood, good parents who remained married until my father died four years ago. That was the worst thing I'd been through to that point and the trans feelings predated his death by a lot of years.

Dennis

This is long and I apologize. But I believe my experience has significant relevance to the question. I definately don't profess to be educated on this or most other issues here. This is just my story. My life is similar to most with the memories of wanting to be a girl as far back as I can remember along with a life of confusion, depression, attempts and thoughts of suicide, rage and self loathing. So I share my experiences in the hope that they might help or bring something to someone.

My biological male sperm donor (I choose to no longer call him my Father as he didn't earn that honor) was a violent and abusive man that died in 1987. My Mother, about 6 years ago before she passed away, apologized for not protecting me and told me of his physical violence toward me from the time I was able to walk. I have a sister that is three years older that also suffered from his abuse that tried to protect me as much as a child could.

I have been in and out of therapy since he died. In my mid 40's I did three years of twice weekly therapy with a tradiitonal therapist and finally recalled the sexual abuse from him when I was almost five. This sexual abuse was specifically targeted at scaring and stopping me from dressing and acting like a girl. This revelation also clarified why, shortly after this abuse, I tried to commit suicide by riding my bicycle in front of a car and received major head and other injuries.

As a result of this therapy, and being influenced by my therapist, I now shifted the blame on my gender confusion to a hatred and loathing of him. So for the next few years I suppressed all feelings about my gender confusion with my hatred for that man. For the next few years I thought I was cured so to speak and could deal with my feelings through private fantasy.

But, the feelings started coming back stronger and stronger as time went by until last summer I went into a major depression and couldn't come out of it.

I sought help from a psychiatrist and was prescibed meds for ADD and depression. With these meds my mind cleared for the first time and my feelings of neding to be female became clearer and stronger. I then searched the web for knowledge and came to the conclusion that I was probably transgendered and needed to see a gender therapist. Which I started seeing a few months ago.

In therapy I told my story and the first thing we started working on was the abuse. My therapist helped make it clear to me that I had to come to terms with that part of my life first before I could put it behind me and be able to unconditionally accept and love myself. She suggested I write a formal "Goodbye Letter" to him to end his power over me. The next day after writing the letter I woke up euphoric. A feeling I had rarely experienced. This "Goodbye Letter" freed me. Now I was certain I could go places with myself that I had never dreamed possible.

Through further therapy I learned that as a survival instinct I may have felt safer being a girl. Because he was not as physically abusive to my Mother and sister. Also, his violence and abuse would have pushed me away from wanting to imulate the male role model in our home. And because of me gravitating to the female role model at such an early age it may have became permanately imprinted in my brain. We also determined that my Mother took DES during her pregnancy with me and that may have also contributed to my gender issue.

So, is it the chicken or the egg? The answer I got from my therapist is it doesn't matter. It just is. And now, just like everyone else here, I am challenged with how and what to do to be happy and at peace.

My point is that first thing was I had to deal directly with the abuse and put it behind me. Then and only then could I be free to become the real me.

With compassion for all,

Gwen

  Well said Gwen 

I think its really easy to forget who is really in charge when your going to see someone for help and they have a degree on the wall.  Your the person in charge Kimmie after all its your dime and you are there to accomplish a personal goal.

I would personally ask him were are you going with this and I would expect an answer. You might even need to go as far as to ask for his/her position on Gender Dysphoria. You could get a surprise?

Remember this is about you not his or her agenda. I think if you ask the questions you find out quickly are you in the right office.

I personally have dealt with childhood and transgender issues with my doctors. But like others on this board I always felt them to be seperate issue to some degree.

Sincerely,
Kristina
 

Like so many others here, I'm not an expert but I noticed there are a lot of responses by people who have suffered abuse as a child. I knew I was supposed to be a girl long before I was sexually assaulted. The abuse, and how it is handled, may affect some of your behaviours, but the underlying gender issues are still there. YMMV

Karen Lyn     

Apologies for reviving an old thread. The posts in here are relevant I believe, to many of us.

I had inpatient therapy when I was 15/16. It seemed that all they wanted to hear was that I had been sexually abused by one or both of my parents.

The fact is, neither directly sexually abused me, in the sense that i was never touched inappropriately. I was humiliated, repeatedly, but that was of little interests to the therapsts.

I can also say that I was sexually abused by a man, when I was 3 years. The fact is, he didn't hurt me. I don't really remember it, but I do remember that, after, I wanted to repeat it. I initially asked my mother to touch me, when she was giving me a bath. She recoiled in horror, I do remember that. She called the police. They investigated and decided I was lying. (This was the 1950s).

The rest, I'm afraid I can't discuss on the net due to laws forbidding, what might be construed as promotion of child abuse. (Which I support).

I've mentioned on other threads, that I first realised I am a girl, when I was 4 years. I don't believe there is a connection. I say that because I have examined it continually, while I was growing up and as an adult. I am not making a pronouncement about all children, just my own case.

If it had been, I would have had to have made a connection between what happened and being a girl. I didn't know what girls were. I believed, until I was 10, that girls peed out of their bottoms

It might be argued that that was the origin of my dislike of my ugly bits. But that doesn't make a lot of sense either since I wanted to repeat the experience.

Once I decided, in my late teens, early 20s, that it wasn't because I am just plain evil, I came to the conclusion that I don't need to justify or explain it. I am what I am. I expect the right to live as I choose.