so i came out to my dad on sunday, expecting denial and refusal, but instead getting laughed at and told "its my life". However, today i woke up to a phone call from him telling me that im wrong, confused, and hurting my son by doing this. That he thinks its morally reprehensible and that he wont ever see me as a man. That he doesnt understand it and doesnt want to, but still wants us around.

the problem lies in pronouns. Its not a huge deal to me if he doesnt get it. I'd prefer "he" but i certainly wasnt expecting it. The problem lies with my son. He is about 2 1/2, calls me papa and he, but my dad is insisting on calling me she. Im worried that this will confuse my little guy but at the same time i dont want to wind up using him as an ultamatim with my dad. Im not sure what to do.

I'm sorry man oh and welcome to the forum

Have you tried explaining that to your dad? Telling him this is what you've chosen and this is what your son knows? Maybe if he realizes that he has to either accept calling you male if only in front of your son or not see him? It's harsh but like you said, you have to protect your kid.

I'm in the same boat actually, except my son is 1 and a half and not quite talking yet.  I will be "Papa" though.

I don't have much advice really, just be firm that you can raise your child however you'd like and you can live your own life.  Your dad doesn't have to understand but he does have to play along when it comes to kids.