As somebody who is in the early stages of transitioning, i have decided to keep a video diary of my progress. However, i've been shocked to see that watching it back i look and sound like a man in drag.

Internally, i don't feel this way, but in terms of expressing myself - there is still much work to do.

Am I alone in this respect or do many transsexuals improve with experience....

Watching others, I have been in envy of how natural many of them look and sound.

It just means that you have a LONG way to go.

I also have the tendency to be overly critical..........

A lot of us, if not most of us, tend to be overly critical of ourselves. Myself included. Up until 5 months ago I had no idea that I could pass, until a random person had absolutely no idea that I was trans in a large group of outted trans people, he just thought i was a lesbian there supporting the trans community.

Up until that point I was insanely critical of myself, and I had myself too terrified to go out. We cannot really be our own judge on our own transitions. Because no matter how much we may want our changes, we tend to look back at ourselves and see how things used to be, even if we really aren't that way anymore. Best thing you can do is to get someone who is neutral to give you their honest opinion.

And yes you improve with experience. As you cut lose from your old shell don't be afraid to express yourself the way you want. But at the same time don't try to force things on you that you aren't really feeling just because you think it's what a girl should do. You need to develop into who you were meant to be, not what you think you want to be. You'll be much happier that way!

I still need to work on my voice a bit, if I try hard enough i can get maam'd on the phone or at a drive through, but I often don't make mental notes about what I did to achieve that voice.

Anyways, went off on a bit of a tangent. Hope I was able to help.

Heyyy that's really lovely samantha, some good words of advice.

lol thinking you were a lesbian,,,,,,you did pass well.

I know who i am, i just hope others will be able to see it....

but you're right, it's those natural feelings that push us to transition and not forced upon stereotypical behaviour.

that's the keyy. not being AFRAID to express ourselves, which can be hard at first because we're not used to it. i've only been used to hiding myself so it's as though i'm having all my christmases at once lol.

you look great anyway

Siobhanx

Yes, what Samantha said. It takes quite awhile before you look in the mirror and see a woman or listen to yourself and hear a woman, but it does happen. It has started to happen for me and it feels great, but we all start at the same hypercritical place.

When I was about four months in, I hit a brick wall.  I did not know if I was just being blind or if I was really passing.  I looked at myself in the mirror and broke down crying.  I never would pass.  Then a voice said "What if you were born female and you still had all the problems you think are there".  It was then that I realized that it is all about your attitude. 

If you think of yourself as female and then let nothing interfear with it, including others views of you, you will be passing even in your own eyes.

Hi SiobhanUK

Samantha is so damn right.
For me it's 30 years ago when I start transition.
It seems I pass, coz the last 30 years I've not been sir'ed.
I work as a nurse with so many different people and nobody is seeing me otherwise than a woman.
We have a community of islamic people in our land, and a lot of that ladies refuse to be examined by a male doctor.
When there are a lot of men working they ask me for doing that ladies and no one ever complained.
But when I see a movie from a party by example where I 've been and I look at myself I'm not completely happy.
Nobody seems to see what I see.
I've heard the same thing with cis girls, so I think we are quite normal with this self-critical thing.

But keeping a video diary can be very helpfull to see your progress.

So, I think self critic is a woman thing, so welcome to womanhood.

hugs
annette

I'm glad I was able to give you some good advice. It just takes time, but at the same time try not to criticize yourself too much,