I am kind of apathetic about living right now. I am in love with a man, he loves me, but he doesn't see me as a full-woman (nor have I told him my thoughts). It's a gay relationship, but it's perfect as it is, except the idea he knows I am a guy.

I don't want to be trouble with these thoughts anymore, I just want them to go away from me, and I am satisfied with my life besides that.

Is there anything I can do to stop them? If they could stop, I could focus more and see more visible.

Can you tell him that you want to express yourself in a more feminine way?

You could start with small things, some makup for example. Gradually expanding your self expression as he grows accustomed to it.

Sometimes, taking things gradually, letting your partner get use to each stage, can result in what you really need.

I put it to the side and spent 20 years in misery.  I tried to be the best man I could be, but I never was happy.  Yes I lost my house, my ex, my life.  But I would not change it for anything.  I am happier now.

If he loves you, he may already know.  Sit him down and have a quiet talk.  Let him know how you are feeling, it really can help.

Definitely be open and honest about with him. That is a situation where you don't want to keep pretending because you will end up feeling like you're not living your life to your full potential or how you should be. He might surprise you and love you for who you really are. He may not. There may be someone else out there who will. Don't lose the hope as there's too many good things about life to not want to live it.

A gay man usually does not want a woman.  I think you know that, and need to face it.