Ok, so this is how my brain had been working... Trans status has been accepted, I came out to my family and friends, and I'm 8 months or so on hrt. 

Now for the problem I face (ha, no pun intended)

I seem to have tunnel vision with certain aspects of my apperance, the first thing I dealt with was body hair and facial hair and I guess getting rid of it and being able to maintain it easily.  Now that most all of my dark hairs are gone I've switched my focus and now its all about my hairline, nose, brow, chin, etc... I feel disgusted by it and I want ffs really bad, but I'm scared... I still haven't come out at work, I still feel like I can turn around and not transition, and I feel confused!!  I love what hormones have done to me so far, but im still scared...

Its like going on hormones and laser weren't my transitional event horizon (heck yeah, black hole reference) but ffs really is!! 

What I'm really saying is going full time is a scary thought and ffs kinda means the point of no return.  Yes I still have doubts.about being trans, especially cause I'm still as boy at work and am treated as such.  All I want is to be comfortable!  Boy or girl! I feel overwhelmed that I need to get ffs and because of that I want to quit!

Arrrrrrgghhh, sorry for rambling, I just needed to write down how I am feeling and know somebody has read it

Take things easy, don't rush them, take each step when it is proper time for you to take that step.  Rushing things could get you into trouble.  Don't dwell on things, you are certainly your worst critic.  Be patient.

I get a similar thing it comes from begin insecure. For me it's mostly insecurity in my passiblity, What I find helps is going out and interacting with other pepole in order to get away with the whole "I'm trans" sensation and when your treated like a normal female by pepole and not as a transsexual I find this anxity and preoccupation on your appearance eases up alot.

I'm not to the point you are but I can relate. At each stage I asked myself would I regret this if I decide to stay presenting as male. I can see that event horizon off in the distance.

You'll know when the time is right. Like girl_ashley said don't rush things. Appreciate how far you've come.

Get other peoples opinion about FFS. We are as worst critics and can't always see ourselves clearly. Their input can help us to see ourselves in a different light.

Thanks for the responses!  I just hate presenting and living as a boy while transitioning and taking hormones to be a girl, it's stressful... I want it to be over, I don't want to think about living in two worlds anymore.  I don't know how to stop being a boy (he pays the bills)

I also run into the fact that hormones seemed to make me more comfortable in my own skin, even tho I still have issues, I like how things have changed. Not feeling as consistently depressed, I start thinking I could give up transition, but having read so much that people who stop transition seem to start back up again after some of the dysphoria comes back, I try not to think about stopping and concentrate on moving forward.

Gosh transition is tough

Or maybe it's more the fact that 8 months ago I came out and made the decision to transition but here I am still waiting. Waiting for something, something I cant seem to put my finger on... Hmmmmm

Quote from: rylielove on March 21, 2011, 01:19:47 PM
Thanks for the responses!  I just hate presenting and living as a boy while transitioning and taking hormones to be a girl, it's stressful... I want it to be over, I don't want to think about living in two worlds anymore.  I don't know how to stop being a boy (he pays the bills)

I also run into the fact that hormones seemed to make me more comfortable in my own skin, even tho I still have issues, I like how things have changed. Not feeling as consistently depressed, I start thinking I could give up transition, but having read so much that people who stop transition seem to start back up again after some of the dysphoria comes back, I try not to think about stopping and concentrate on moving forward.

Gosh transition is tough

Well, is your dysphoria gone because of transition? That's kind of the point. It may end up kind of like coming off of psych meds if you feel like you're fine, and then BAM! two months later you're back at the doctor. OR it may have been something you just needed to try. As far as your job: I just talked to my biologist bosses and their response may as well have been "whatever, do you have those boxplots prepared?"

Transition IS hard, but if you work hard at it you can do it successfully.

I feel like I have to say more:

I am out as TS to my entire family, and some understand it, some don't. My mother just asked me last night: "so when is your debut?" I asked her what she meant, I was wearing a shirt and jeans and no makeup just as she was. The inversion is done, they just have to get used to using the right (or no) pronouns.

I think you may find my blog interesting- as it seems we have some mental similarities. Maybe you're not moving fast enough, socially. Do you have a facebook page setup as your woman self? I just did it, I got 7 friends instantly from my old circle, and they now have a portal to address me as the woman that I am. Doing such a thing is something that is perceptively permanent as you bide your time.

It is not enough to tell someone that you are a woman if you want them to believe you- that is a tall order for even a (g) girl to make. Say it AND do it. Understand also that there are many, many ways to be a woman. Just blend and mix and discard parts of your present and past and future as well as you can until you're comfortable with yourself. You have to be prepared to lose things like your job, family, friends, etc... but you have to work towards making it in life as a woman as well.

On the FFS just step back from the mirror, view the whole rather than microscopically analyise little details because we are our own worts critics. I would absolutely guaruntee that you do not need FFS, because unless you have the brow ridge of a neanderthal, a cleft in your chin like the grand canyon or an adams apple like a snake swallowing a brick...well then you can go out into the street at see natal females with all the facial features you think of as defects.

As for going full time, when you go out in public do you get mis-gendered as male a lot...because if the answer is no, even when you're cross dressing and wearing mens clothes...well the truith is that you are good and ready for full time.

So many think they need FFS and they really don't.  Yes some can use it, but many are just chasing perfection.  I don't think I need FFS, some may think I could use it but I don't think I need it.

I would like to get a face lift, but that is to get rid of the wrinkles.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on March 21, 2011, 04:49:17 PM
So many think they need FFS and they really don't.  Yes some can use it, but many are just chasing perfection.

I completely agree with this. I don't think most people actually need FFS. We just get caught up with what we USED to look like that we have trouble seeing who really are now.

There are some problems that do need to addressed, such as facial hair, possible body hair, and for me, I do have a bit of a dip in my hairline that I would like to grow in. But aside from these things, I think I am doing pretty well..

It took me forever to see myself the way other people see me. But now that I finally have, I am much happier with who I am.

Rylie you're actually very pretty, and passable; judging from your avatar. I don't just say things like that either. All you need to do is see what everyone else is seeing. I know that's hard to do, very hard to do, and I don't know how to help you achieve that. But once you do, you'll realize a lot of those things are really unnecessary.

I totally know what ya'll are saying about me seeing who I used to be in contrast to how people see me now (or how they will see me) because I do have this tunnel vision.  One of my real good friends kinda yelled at me about this the other day, she said something like "i thought you were past this" or "we've already been through this ry" which is totally true cause she didn't want to hear it or see me cry about it again.

Thanks Samantha for the compliment, even though ill still say I managed to get an angle which you can't see my nose, my square chin, have my eyebrow raised to draw attention away from my low brow and am wearing a wig to hide my hairline.  Crap there I go again, I'm bad...

patience ry, patience... everything will be ok... i need to keep telling myself that and hopefully believe it one of these days!

Well now that i have you on Facebook, and I've had the pleasure of looking through your pictures. I'm going to call you a liar!  You're still very pretty. Your chin is completely fine. Your nose is a little bit big, but still totally within acceptable limits. You are actually very pretty!

Quote from: Janet Lynn on March 21, 2011, 04:49:17 PM
So many think they need FFS and they really don't.  Yes some can use it, but many are just chasing perfection.

I know this and I'm definitely guilty of this, but I just haven't been able to get over a few of my features.  I won't be talking about it anymore cause everyone just tells me not to get the surgery and it's extremely frustrating.  I have it scheduled and I'll probably post pictures afterwards, but no tickers or anything.

My two cents on the whole thing: if parts of your face bother you that much, then go ahead and get it done.  The confidence boost it provides can be worth the money.  And if you're like me then the knowledge that something has changed will help you accept your appearance better.  However, waiting until at least a year on hormones is advisable.  I could have written what you did Rylie, so hang in there.

Here is a wonderful link kind of describing what we all see at one point or another.

http://www.transe-generation.com/galleryImage.php?imageID=1222

Quote from: AmySmiles on March 21, 2011, 05:55:48 PM
My two cents on the whole thing: if parts of your face bother you that much, then go ahead and get it done.  The confidence boost it provides can be worth the money.  And if you're like me then the knowledge that something has changed will help you accept your appearance better.  However, waiting until at least a year on hormones is advisable.  I could have written what you did Rylie, so hang in there.

Oh I agree, I'm for sure getting it done... I'm terrified, but for sure getting it done   I know I don't 'need' it but heck I want it!!

Samantha, stop being nice to me! Your making me smile, I do much better being depressed and sad which is another dumb fear of mine, actually being happy?  me? no... never... maybe one time?

Quote from: SamanthaFLA on March 21, 2011, 06:06:21 PM
Here is a wonderful link kind of describing what we all see at one point or another.

http://www.transe-generation.com/galleryImage.php?imageID=1222

fun website!!  i liked that one

I've been told I need FFS so many times that I just stopped listening. I've also been frequently compared to Angelina Jolie 

My favorite game is to pick apart actresses and compare parts of them to what I see on me. It helps with the anxiety of my almost full time-ness. Just be different, I think you look pretty too.

Tunnel Vision pisses off my mother and sister so much! I am always like "Do I have a lot of facial hair?" I see ton's of little white ones, and they are mad because like NO

Quote from: rylielove on March 21, 2011, 11:50:40 AM
Ok, so this is how my brain had been working... Trans status has been accepted, I came out to my family and friends, and I'm 8 months or so on hrt. 

Now for the problem I face (ha, no pun intended)

I seem to have tunnel vision with certain aspects of my apperance, the first thing I dealt with was body hair and facial hair and I guess getting rid of it and being able to maintain it easily.  Now that most all of my dark hairs are gone I've switched my focus and now its all about my hairline, nose, brow, chin, etc... I feel disgusted by it and I want ffs really bad, but I'm scared... I still haven't come out at work, I still feel like I can turn around and not transition, and I feel confused!!  I love what hormones have done to me so far, but im still scared...

Its like going on hormones and laser weren't my transitional event horizon (heck yeah, black hole reference) but ffs really is!! 

What I'm really saying is going full time is a scary thought and ffs kinda means the point of no return.  Yes I still have doubts.about being trans, especially cause I'm still as boy at work and am treated as such.  All I want is to be comfortable!  Boy or girl! I feel overwhelmed that I need to get ffs and because of that I want to quit!

Arrrrrrgghhh, sorry for rambling, I just needed to write down how I am feeling and know somebody has read it

I read it.