Not meaning to sound emo, but what do you guys do when there's just nothing left to live for? My future seems bleak, my life seems pointless and I don't care about anything anymore.

I just don't see the point of life anymore... especially the ones we (transsexuals) have to endure. It seems like a whole bunch of struggling and pain for nothing. I guess I'm having an existential crisis.

I do request that you please leave religion out of it. I don't believe in any religions and question the existence of God. But, if God does exist, then he abandoned me a long time ago. I'm also not looking into stopping transition or reverting back. I would die before that. Besides, it would just make my life worse and even more fake.

Sounds like depression ... when I get in that mood I call my physician and I get a slight increase in my antidepressant

Quote from: Rob on March 23, 2011, 12:37:05 PMSounds like depression ... when I get in that mood I call my physician and I get a slight increase in my antidepressant.

Yeah, I've been there all my life... but nothing works. I've been to hospital, on different meds, seen different doctors and tried different therapies but nothing seems to stick.

Besides, I can't afford new doctors or new medicines now anyway because of my new work "insurance" (I use that term loosely). I'm preferring more natural, non-medical ideas.

I'd just do little simple things, like make a list of things that make you happy and hang it everywhere.
a little one of mine
-the smell of tea brewing/ freshly ground coffee
-my cat doing silly things
-my girlfriend and planing our future together
-my dream of becoming a director
-cupcakes. cakes period really.

Also, try to plant something, seriously it helps. plant something from a seed, follow the directions on the package and turn your attention to the plant and maybe as it grow and sprouts life it'll help you do the same. It's a physiological thing, if we make something good, grow and nurture then we'll turn inward and do the same for us.
I hope it helps.

Personally, what kept me going was my insatiable love for revenge.
Yeah, seriously.

No one ever talks about constructive hatred, but I'm a firm believer in it, and I think that might've been the only thing to keep me going through the worst spots of my life.

If you can't find anything to live for, live just to prove everyone wrong. Do it just to spite everyone who ever said you'd fail, knowing that when you get past it you can laugh in their faces.

And force yourself into any kinds of trans groups you can possibly find, online or IRL. I can tell you that I've felt a lot better since I found this forum and have the ability to talk to other people feeling the same ->-bleeped-<- in one way or another.

I exercise.  I've had chronic bipolar depression, and the only thing that helped sometimes when things were really bad was forcing myself to do some cardio, or anything that made me break a sweat.  You really have to do it fairly consistently for it to be truly effective, but it works for me and others I know with severe depression.   For me, exercise combined with a good diet has done way more for depression than any combo of meds I'd been on.  In my case, I've got a chemical pre-disposition to depression, but even in situational depression, physical activity and sunlight have been proven somewhat effective.

Getting out and doing things with friends is really good too, although I've not been following my own advice on that much recently.   It's really hard when you don't pass well and you're already down on yourself, getting called 'miss' or 'm'am' can really get you down even more, so I've been avoiding going out too much, and I don't recommend it. ><

I strongly agree with Jake. When I was chronically depressed, the only thing that would keep my mind off of depressing things in my life was exercise. It at least made me forget everything around me while I exercised, and exercising releases endorphins in your body that make you happy and feel better overall. I made a change in my diet this recent year along with my exercise and I'm the happiest and healthiest I've ever felt. It gives you a different perspective on life, at least it did for me. I also like Skys' suggestion of making a list and keeping it around, I'll have to try that sometime when I'm down in the dumps. Optimism and just treating your mind and body better is key IMO 

I have been doing simple little things... but still get no joy. Nothing in life makes me happy right now so making that list will be difficult.

I have enough anger in me to blow up a continent, but lately I could care less if I win, lose or prove anyone wrong. I just don't care. I also have zero optimism about anything. I have started exercising so I'll keep that up.

Life is such a joke. We never deserved this.

The only thing that seems to help me when I'm feeling depressed is meditation. It doesn't have to be any particular kind of meditation, just whatever works for you. It's seriously the only way I can relax, and stop stressing about things I can't change. Oh, and sometimes being creative helps, too, whether I'm painting or drawing or whatever else it lets me vent a little Hope that helps.

Quote from: quinn on March 23, 2011, 04:07:50 PM
The only thing that seems to help me when I'm feeling depressed is meditation. It doesn't have to be any particular kind of meditation, just whatever works for you. It's seriously the only way I can relax, and stop stressing about things I can't change. Oh, and sometimes being creative helps, too, whether I'm painting or drawing or whatever else it lets me vent a little Hope that helps.

I had a professor who was a meditation instructor, and he often warned us about being careful with meditation. Sometimes going that deep into yourself can surface worse problems if you're not currently emotionally stable. So just be careful if you decide to do this, maybe doing it with an instructor could benefit you and prevent problems

I second the creativity thing though. Finding a way to work out your problems creatively can be extremely beneficial. When I'm having problems I unconsciously create characters with comparable dilemmas and weave a story for them in which they resolve these problems. I don't usually even realize I'm doing it until I'm finished, and can examine the situations I created.
Everyone has something different though, and there are a lot of forms to siphon creativity into. If you're angry, you might feel more satisfied with something more physical, like sculpture or building. Just don't worry about whether or not it's 'good', just DO. When you're this down, sometimes it can feel like a chore, but in the end I always come out feeling loads better.

And I know you said you don't care enough about anything to bother, but that for me has always been the time when it's MOST important to force yourself to do something about it. It may be frustrating at first, but eventually you'll work through it. Just hang in there.

I second what Asher said about meditation - often when we're having a difficult time, our mind wants to be protected from it, and meditation can force us into a present we're trying to take in more manageable doses.

Alongside the creativity thing (which I think is a really good idea, and which I tend to think of as "more output, less input!") I can recommend physical activity: like yoga, tai chi, long walks, and especially getting on your own, lowering the lights, putting on some music, and having a damn good dance .

For me, dealing with the hardest things -- historically it was my mom's murder in 1992 -- I found doing "roundabouts" helpful. Roudabouts were just walking around, listening to music. When I got older, the roudabouts became long-distance bicycle tours. Being so focused on those things allowed me to focus on things other than the bleak and scary. As cliche as it sounds, time does change things. Today things are far better of outlook than where I was 5-10 years ago, let alone 20.

There are no easy answers but little things that you can do to help. Some include meditation, journaling (blogging about what bugs you, even rant if need be), exercise and even -- as corny as it sounds -- self-help books.

Well, my career is to be creative. I admit it's been harder lately to be creative and come up with ideas. When I get home I don't feel like being very creative since I had to all day. Even during quiet time, exercising, walking, listening to music, anything, I still just think about my problems and my life. I just can't turn my brain off!

Whenever I talk about my problems or journal them it just gets me even more worked up and ends up depressing others. I think this is a losing battle.

I'm the same way in the most of the time I can't talk about my problems, and I certainly can never journal them, it causes me to focus too much on my problems, and then they get worse.

Now I don't know what works for you, but I know what has helped me.  I used to be in a really bad place and was pretty suicidal feeling.  I had decided that my life, current and future, was totally pointless/hopeless.  So somehow I decided to not care about my life and just use my life to help other people be happy, because I couldn't.  Sometimes even just dreaming of it helps me.  I have a dream to adopt kids and foster kids, older kids that is.  So I can (try to) help any kids who may be in a bad place just like I was. 
Some people I know like to volunteer at homeless shelters or children's hospitals.  Just something that helps them to focus on trying to make someone else's life better.  Someone else who is in a bad place. 

Generally, when we help other people it makes us feel better about ourselves.  like we are worth something to someone after all.  And for me, that has helped me immensely. 

I've been told volunteering is helpful. I'm thinking of volunteering to help animals- because I hate people.

One question though. If you volunteer do they insist on having an ID on file? My DL gender isn't changed yet. My lawyer recommended for me to not change the gender yet until the divorce is approved and through the court. That way the judge wouldn't get confused and the divorce wouldn't get held up. It sucks, but it makes sense. I REFUSE to do anything new unless I can be completely stealth. I have a hard enough time with people in my life not seeing me as truly male- I'm not adding more people to that list.

Well, the total bummer thing is that you're going to have to find the motivation within yourself. We've all got suggestions for what has helped us personally, but each of those things is individualized. I'm one of those people who, when depressed, can think about something I do like, or remember an instance of my life where I was truly happy, or look at beautiful pictures, or get lost in a cheesy adventure novel ... or any number of things that I've learned over the years can help put me in a better mood.

Medication doesn't always work. I was on xanax and it nearly killed me. What happened to work for me was totally getting any drugs out of my system, exercising, cutting sugar out of my diet (sugar can actually make you more depressed or anxious), and generally eating healthier. I was seriously amazed at what a difference diet change and cutting out some things all together did for me. It was that "first step" type of thing that allowed me to even see the rest of the staircase to walk up out of my depression and anxiety-ridden hole I'd made for myself.

I know it probably doesn't help when you're in this mindset to think of the fact that you're still better off than a lot of people in the world. But it's true. There's people dying of horrible diseases or suffering massive physical abuse at the hands of someone else, or any number of awful things right at this very moment in the world. It may seem like a dumb comparison but it's true. Being trans is not the worst thing in the world.

You've got a ton of people right here that care enough to post in this thread. You've probably got people in your life that care about you. And a lot of us have "been there, done that" and made it out to a better place. So it's not an impossibility unless you convince yourself it is. The mind is one of the most powerful things. If you've set your mind to "there's no use in going on" then you'll convince both your conscious and your sub conscious of that and will find a way to "make yourself right". People like to be right after all - even in situations like that. The first step is actually admitting you're wrong. There IS reason to live, but you have to accept it and want it and change your outlook on it.

What to do when you have no hopes left? If my experience means anything, I'd say there is little to do, if not to stay strong in your belief that this is a temporary state. At times, I feel like a bag of meat with absolutely no purpose. I look at myself in a mirror and I simply can't believe that the person staring at me is supposed to be me, just like a complete sense of disconnection. Of course, gender dysphoria doesn't help with this part.

Eventually, what I have come to realize is that my mental state as got a lot to do with my physical state. For example, I know that a bad night of sleep will have me depressed for the next day. So I have to think in advance, when it goes well, and remember that I am fragile with this and that I need my sleep. Once the crisis is there, if it is strong enough, I believe that there is little that you can do but hold on until the storm has passed. But once the sunshine is back, and it will be back, use what happened during the storm to know yourself better in order to prevent an other one from happening. Of course, you can't always control what's happening to you, but there are certainly a couple of things you can do to help yourself. Some people (like me...) deliberately do the things that makes them depressed. Why? Maybe that is something to dig for. When you realize that you are punishing yourself by getting into these situations where you feel depressed, be it trough lack of sleep, alcohol abuse, voluntary isolation, by hurting the people around you or by going around with people who hurt you (I don't say that you do any of these things, just that this is a pattern that tends to be common) it is time for you to see your worth.

Of course we are nothing but meat bags, we Are biological machines. But we also have to capacity to feel and love and reason and dream. This should be more then enough to realize that we deserve to be happy. Feeling bad? Yeah, that happens a lot. But as long as you have hopes that happiness will come back and as long as you learn from your mistakes, even if it takes time, you can make the life you want for yourself.

Radar, if you're already creatively inclined, try to get into painting. Don't worry about it looking good, don't worry about anything. Get a board, a canvas, a piece of cardboard or scrap wood even and just attack it with paint. Something good might come out of it, or it might look like ass. Either way though, it'll most likely feel amazing. At least, it does for me.

I also work full time creatively, I'm an illustrator. I literally spend at least 12-18 hours a day working, 7 days a week.

But there's some huge differences between doing creative 'WORK' work, and doing creative PERSONAL work, and I've always been told by other more seasoned professionals the worst thing you could do is stop doing personal work. It is severely depressing in it's own right when a passion merely becomes work.
So maybe you should give it a go on a more personal level. Or try a different creative outlet from the one you spend all day on. Like yoxi said, if you think of creative outlet as more OUTPUT less INPUT then there are tons of avenues this could go down. When my creative juices are depleted from work the only way I feel better is to do the personal stuff.

However sounds like the volunteer work has sparked your interest most of all these suggestions, so I hope it helps!

When marathon runners hit the 'wall' they keep on running.

You're in a marathon.