This is tough for me to talk about, but has anyone dealt with depression after coming out as a transgendered woman? I can't transition at my workplace due to the type of work I do, I don't have the money to begin transition (my therapy is covered, but I can't afford a wig, clothes, etc.). More and more, I loathe going out as "Stephen". It's not who I am nor who I want to be.

I just recently moved to a larger city with one of my best friends. Since I work the night shift, I sleep all the time and have no life. My roommate has her friends, but they're all drag queens and always seem to have this judgmental attitude about them; that's the last thing I need right now. I feel as if I'm at the bottom of Katie's totem pole because I don't compare. I'm not outgoing, I don't do the club scene nearly every night, etc. I'm just laid back... why does that have to be a bad thing?

Ugh! I don't know what to do!

I believe we would be hard pressed to find any of us who havent dealt with depression because of coming out-at least at one time or another. As for me, I have good days and bad days but most days I just want to stay at home. Just be diplomatic about it (something I struggle with) and let them know that you do not live that way and you just like to chill at home sometimes.
I am not outgoing either.

Randi

I am not all that "outgoing".  I think it comes with the territory.  Some are very and some of us just stay home.  And the depression goes along with that.  Just be yourself and don't let them get to you.

It is tough some times to keep going, especially in the "male" mode.  But make plans to go full time and work towards that.  Therapy, HRT, Clothing, makeup  all count.  And when at home, just be Danielle.  Go where ever you want to.

The heck with their attitudes.

I've been there.... and it's not fun in the least.

For what it's worth I've never been the most social person and the bar/club scene doesn't do a whole lot for me either.

I spend most of my nights at home and 'Tiffany' has yet to come out in Joplin, and that's largely due to fear on my part.

I would be lying if I said I didn't get depressed at times having to play this male role, I've almost broken down at work a few times recently because it's hard... very hard having to play a role more or less day after day and night after night.

I'm still not sure how work's going to respond to my situation, I hope favorably.. because it would be nice to have the option of a transfer once I move to Portland.

Having said that, I simply don't know if that's going to be the case.

Wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, just please know that you aren't alone.. all of us can relate to what your feeling and while it's not pleasant..... we can indeed all relate.

Things will get better with time, I know it sounds cliched... but I honestly think that to be the truth.

Hang in there my friend, don't hesitate to contact me on here or facebook if you need someone to talk to.

I've certainly been depressed. Very, very depressed even for years because I felt I couldn't ever transition with a marriage and son to consider. Just remember, you are Danielle whether you are wearing a dress or slacks and a button down. Nothing can take that away from you.

I would suggest you find your local GLBT center and see if they have meetings for trans people and then try to attend. It will do you a world of good to meet people like you to compare experiences and find and share resources.

Thanks, ladies. Although I get amazing health insurance at my current job, I really think I need to find a new job where I can work during the day. Working the night shift has really played a toll on my emotional and physical well being. I know I need to get out and make a life for myself, but I just simply don't want to. It sucks a lot.

Thanks for your support.

I haven't come out yet as a transgender woman (well except to a small minority of friends), but I can certainly emphasize with the depression...  Definitely it is a struggle to get through everyday with the depression looming overhead, hang in their honey!

I can see where it's culturally popular to equate 'going out' and 'being out and social' with the bar/club scene, but that's a media image more than a real one.  There are a lot of ways to go out and be out and meet people without doing that.  Do good works, volunteer, hike, bike, join groups, do meetings (and there are piles and piles and piles of meetings in this day and age, and considering how many people want me to go to one I only have to assume that there is a lot of room at these meetings) hang out at bookstores and libraries, or coffee houses.

And come on, working the night shift (yes, I have) gives you no more, or less time than any other shift.  You just have to learn to rearrange it, and sometimes it turns out to be even better.

Quote from: tekla on March 24, 2011, 12:45:06 PM
And come on, working the night shift (yes, I have) gives you no more, or less time than any other shift.  You just have to learn to rearrange it, and sometimes it turns out to be even better.

No, I still work an eight hour shift; however, it's not uncommon for some people to become more depressed and neglect their physical well being when working night shift. I've talked to my doctor about it and she advised me to discuss transferring to the day or evening shift. Unfortunately, there are no day or evening positions. Some people work the night shift and thrive while others, including myself, tend to shut down and sleep the day away; sleeping and working is my life right now. It doesn't help having sleep apnea (of which is untreated at this time) and having chronic fatigue.

Sleep apnea is not a good thing.  You can't get a good night's sleep without help.  I would start looking for a new one ( with I imagine you have already tried. ) that is day or evening shift.

Also see if there is a low cost clinic for the apnea.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on March 24, 2011, 01:08:48 PM
Sleep apnea is not a good thing.  You can't get a good night's sleep without help.  I would start looking for a new one ( with I imagine you have already tried. ) that is day or evening shift.

Also see if there is a low cost clinic for the apnea.

I just applied for a position with Crossmark as an Events Specialist. I'm hoping I get it! I have insurance now that will cover everything for sleep apnea. I'm just waiting for my appointment.

Depression is bad enough for most people, it's extra-bad for transgendered people.  Working the night shift is not likely your largest problem.  It's the depression keeping you in bed too long, and not wanting to get out in the sunshine and fresh air.  Ask me how I know.  I lived with clinical depression for years without benefit of medication.  Prozac hadn't been invented/marketed yet.  I'd sleep entire weekends away.  I'd work in an office building all day, and cook in the bar/restaurant across the street into the late evening.  It was a vicious cycle.

If you're not already on medication for your depression, please see your doctor and get started.  It takes two-to-three weeks for most SSRIs to begin having a positive effect.  While waiting for the meds to kick in, force yourself to get outside during the daylight hours, even if it's just to take a walk.  And especially if it's to be out as Danielle enjoying a walk.  Seriously, daylight and fresh air and light exercise helps battle depression, immensely.

I got pretty depressed right before I went 24/7. I was forced to work "in guy mode" which admittedly was still pretty feminine for a guy but wasn't the way I wanted to live. I guess I just finally couldn't deal with doing that anymore, quit that job, started living 24/7 and got a new job.  Yes I make a LOT less money but am SOOO much happier. I know exactly how you feel hun.

Well I know I can't transition at work. Period. I'm not at the point yet where I can quit that job and look for a new one as Danielle (no wardrobe, shoes, etc.). I am, however, looking for a new job where I can work during the day.

That's a good first step, finding a second job as "her"  + will give you more $$ too