Today was the big day. I told my girlfriend of nearly 7 years that I have been struggling with something my entire life. I told her that last year I had a major breakdown over it and buried it, only to have it come up yet again not long ago. And then I told her that I had made the decision to transition from male to female.

She went into a near catatonic state of almost crying and then crying and back to almost crying for the next three hours. The most I could do was remind her I still loved her. She said she didn't think this could be real and that she was waiting to wake up. Then she said she was going to stay with a friend tonight until she got her head straight. I told her I understood. And that was that.

No other questions, no chance to explain. Now I just have to wait.

Must be indescribably difficult for you both.  Wishing you both the best and hoping you can positively work through this.

I stand with you on this one, I still am in a very tensed situation with my girlfriend about that. Even today she brought the subject and kinda asked me if I was closer to "getting rid" of my GID. It is a hard situation to live with, but if you are doing this for yourself and you really need it, hardships with your relationships are sadly part of the deal.

I sincerely hope for you that everything turns all right Hun. This is some hard ->-bleeped-<-, but remember that you do this to be happier, to be yourself. You wouldn't have been better staying closeted and unhappy.

Hug.

Thanks.

Yeah, I went into it accepting that if this is the end of our relationship, then there was an expiration date either way. :-/

Still, doesn't take the ->-bleeped-<-tiness of the situation away. Just the shock.

Relationships work best when each person in the couple is seeking to bring the other happiness, and not themselves. In reality, most people are in it for what they receive, rather than what they are able to give. She isn't going to receive what she wants, and broke down.

When it comes down to a person's core gender identity, that isn't something that is negotiable. I'm sure she wouldn't transition out of love, if you asked.

She needs time to process this. She may also go through the stages of grief- expect it.

Good luck. Remember that you didn't "do this to her". You just are who you are at your core. No one is to blame. It took you some time now to come to the realization of who you are at that core.

You've known your girlfriend for 7 years. So she knows you as well as anyone, apart from your mother.

You tell her something she really needs to know. She goes into a catatonic state, weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then goes to sleep with a friend.

She knew already. (Face it, she did).

This performance is over the top. For anyone.

I suggest the best thing for you to do is carry on as if nothing has happened. You've told her, she had to be told. The rest was just a silly tantrum.

The only question is this friend. Is this friend the sort who will either let her talk it all out and help her get her thoughts in order? The sort to support 'you guys'? But ultimately, will support her, whatever she decides? Or the sort to use any opportunity to attack you and suggest she leaves you? (In other words,  a looser who doesn't want her friends to do well until she does, which will be never?).

I ask this point because your girlfriend will know what sort of person she is.

I suggest a number of points.

1. You had to tell her. She had to know.

2. Her behaviour is silly, childish, contrived and immature.

3. If she says she wants to end your relationship, then this is just an excuse. She intended to end it anyway, but was waiting for a point of maximum impact.

I may be completely wrong. This is the impression I get from what you have said.

This is her reaction to any bad news. It usually takes about 45 min before she calms down enough to talk. Our relationship borders on idyllic aside from the fact that I have to do all the heavy lifting during emotionally charged situations: moving, changing schools, this... It's just her "thing." She shuts down until I can drag out of her what she is thinking. She can't put her feelings into words because she does so much self-censorship when she's upset that nothing comes out; she's afraid of saying something she doesn't mean or that she doesn't really feel the way it comes out. So she just says nothing and I have to sit there asking "what are you thinking?" two dozen times.

In the past I've had to go A League Of Their Own "There's no crying in baseball!" on her because it was urgent that I get an answer from her.

Shock shuts her down. Completely. If the zombie apocalypse happened, I'd have to think for two for a while.

I rant, but the reason I rant is that it's seriously the one flaw in our relationship. It's the only thing about her I can complain about.

But today, that's the weak link in the chain that I am hoping holds long enough to sort this out, or breaks cleanly.