My FTM partner and I have been together 13 years; married for 5; have a son. I am cis-female; we were 'lesbians,' sort of, until the transition, which is only just now underway (top surgery Dec, T Jan 14). The hardest part of this transition for me is not the gender part, but the sexuality part. As my partner is transitioning to male he is getting in touch with a gay male self that has always been there, but dormant for obvious reasons. So now he wants to go out and have gay male sex, via casual encounters. We are having sex, btw, and it's OK--not as romantic or impassioned as it once was, but we have been together for 13 years. So i suppose that makes us both bi, more or less, though we prefer the term 'queer.' I guess what I am interested in is: have you all encountered something similar as part of your transitions, and if so, how have you dealt with it? I don't want this issue to break us up, but I am very worried, for both reasons of jealousy and of health (stds, etc).

helios

I'm sorry, I can't advise. Hopefully some others here with direct experience will.

dear helios502,

I am a M-F, and my straight sexuality has emerged after about month and a half on the HRT meaning I discovered guys. I am married to a woman and to me I was always in a lesbian relationship. My situation differs from yours as my wife is not into me as she is straight. But from my perspective I can tell you I probably wouldn't be so crazy about men if she were into me as a woman. Naturally I first wanted to be desired by my partner with my developing body and new sets of needs but since that did not happen my focus did shift towards the future. And I do see myself more and more clearly needing to be with a man together.
It sounds like you and your partner need to work out rules for an open relationship (if that is an option at all). I think no one can give you definitive answer as only your partner can tell you how he feels. But he might be just getting used to the T and is just a bit too euphoric to give you an accurate answer for the future.
best of luck

Hey, I like your thread here.  Very interesting reading.  Thanks for posting it.

While I'd like to say something useful to you, I'm afraid I cannot.  Why not?  Well, I've neither hugged, kissed nor "done the deed" with anybody for 11+ years now.  How's THAT for pathetic?  Believe me, it IS pathetic. 

All I can tell you that although what you have is different than what you either had and/or want, be glad you have something in the intimacy department.  There are those of us who do not and who wish we did. 

Hope this all works out for you.  Have an open mind and a good heart.  It'll all work out, really.

Peace

   Lacey Lynne

Quote from: helios502 on March 22, 2011, 08:33:23 PM
So i suppose that makes us both bi, more or less, though we prefer the term 'queer.'

Eventually we're all going to run out of labels and just realize that sexuality is complicated!

Quote
I don't want this issue to break us up, but I am very worried, for both reasons of jealousy and of health (stds, etc).

It's one thing for someone to be trans or to transition - that's their right, and I don't believe anyone has a right to impose their will over someone's own will on that.

It's quite another to want another sex partner.  You have the right to say "no" if you don't want that in your relationship, which, I'm assuming, was started as a typical one-to-one intimate relationship, not a one-to-one-to-many relationship.  It might end the relationship, but it's still something you have the right to do.  Please don't get trapped into feeling you have to do something that you have problems with.

That said, I don't think I can offer you particularly good advice either, as I've not walked your path, and don't know your experiences or your partner's.  So all I can really say is that my thoughts are with you.