another family gathering is going to come up, easter. my god, that came too fast. i'm really into my transition now. my immediate family has been calling me my new female name along with the female pronouns, and i've been more comfortable to go out and do things like wearing the amount of makeup i want to wear, and wearing more feminine clothes. i've also grew my hair, and i must have definite breast development by now. i have a mostly hourglass looking shape, but the problem is, with having to go to a family gathering at my aunt's house, and now being what i consider full time. i don't go out wearing tons of makeup, jewelry, and these flashy outfits, because it's just not me. i do wear women's clothes, but they are more conservative looking. the problem is, i feel like i have to be wearing makeup, obviously female clothes, etc etc... if i can convince these people who knew me before that i really am changing sex/gender. thing is, i don't feel like i'm changing my gender, but i feel like i'm living it out. instead of wearing short hair, no makeup, and neutral men's tshirts and pants. since i have such a feminine appearance, it seems like me growing my hair out and the estrogen that's feminizing me even more is about the last straw that brings me into looking like a female. i really want to be agknowledged for my gender identity, and how i feel. getting called he and a male name is dangerous, and it doesn't feel right to me. at the same time, i don't want to have to be a glammed barbie doll to be taken as a serious female. has anyone else had these kinds of thoughts? it would be so much easier if people got to know someone as an individual, and not crystallize a whole foundation of everything they are by this thing called gender.

Completely empathise with you Spacey.  It's time to be you, go for it, don't even let any thoughts of needing to conform hold you back

About the glam, not glam issue I love both, it will be up to me how I dress and how much makeup etc I choose to wear at any given time

Just be yourself - and don't make this so complicated. If you are simply true to yourself people around you will get it soon enough.

I never wear makeup, I seldom wear skirts and when newly postop I wore my hair in a buzz cut for a while just to make a point.

I am a human being first, and a female human being second. These days I have become largely gender blind too. It's simply not something that I register. Do I get misgendered? No!

If I can do it - so can you.

No gender is actually really simple...don't over analyse things.

Just think of it like this, anything you do is automatically feminine, because you female and your doing it.

i do like to wear some makeup. there's plenty of women who don't. there's women who wear tshirts, jeans, and no makeup all the time. the only thing they might adorn is their hair. i consider myself a girly girl. i do like makeup. the most i ever really wear is some mascara on the top lashes and then a little pink eyeshadow, then lipgloss. i just figure screw it after a while. am i still a woman when i'm naked and in the shower? there's too many times and places that it's impossible. i feel like i'm much happier when i'm not slave to my gender. i should still have the right to be called my new name and female pronouns. i have control over that, and it's not like i'm asking for someone's soul.

I am just as comfortable in jeans and a tee, as my LBD.  I do wear makeup most days, but that is for me.  Most days I am in a dress, because I like them.  No Makeup.

You are no different then alot of woman.

I too am fairly fine with how I currently look, if I was to go full time I would tweak a couple of things but it wouldn't be too drastic.

I understand how you feel. I think if I did come out people would expect me to do the ultra feminine look. Even now if I mention to other trans I'm not big on dresses and makeup I'm considered a tomboy.

Even though I am ok with my current look I, in no way want to be androgynous, I want to be considered female and female only.

Shelly

Quote from: SpaceyGirl on March 28, 2011, 05:40:31 PMi feel like i'm much happier when i'm not slave to my gender. i should still have the right to be called my new name and female pronouns. i have control over that, and it's not like i'm asking for someone's soul.

Read the book "Gender Outlaw" by Kate Bornstein - it'll rock your world.  I'm reading it now - it's fantastic!  And... just be you.  But make some allowances for the folks around you - there's a lot for them to get used to.  Don't be too upset when people use the wrong name or pronouns... just smile and gently correct them.  They'll catch on soon enough.  The main thing is to be comfortable with who YOU are.  That will be reflected in the people around you.

One more thought... for an Easter gathering, would you not normally dress up a little?  Not prodding, just wondering.  I would, but that's me.

Everyone (for the most part) has to deal with awkward or strange expectations and limitations on their behaviour at family gatherings for special occasions. Cis girls who normally dress like you do also tend to fem it up quite a bit just to keep their aunts and grandmothers quiet. (I've seen pics of the butchest lesbian I know in makeup, heels, and an Easter dress. Was a little disconcerting, but these are the things we do for the sake of family harmony...)

Could be worse. You could be feeling like you had to go in boy drag for yet another year.

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on March 28, 2011, 09:54:26 PM
Read the book "Gender Outlaw" by Kate Bornstein - it'll rock your world.  I'm reading it now - it's fantastic!  And... just be you.  But make some allowances for the folks around you - there's a lot for them to get used to.  Don't be too upset when people use the wrong name or pronouns... just smile and gently correct them.  They'll catch on soon enough.  The main thing is to be comfortable with who YOU are.  That will be reflected in the people around you.

One more thought... for an Easter gathering, would you not normally dress up a little?  Not prodding, just wondering.  I would, but that's me.

I really like what she's saying here. Family tends to be more judgmental than other people because they think they know what's best for you based on how they were raised. You likely will get disapproving looks and maybe even some comments, but don't panic. Smile and just try to feel comfortable being you. This family thing may last for an afternoon, but you'll have plenty of time to unwind afterwards. So if worst comes to worst, just grin and bear it for the afternoon. However, it'll probably go better than you think it will. Good luck, hon!

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on March 28, 2011, 09:54:26 PM
Read the book "Gender Outlaw" by Kate Bornstein - it'll rock your world.  I'm reading it now - it's fantastic!  And... just be you.  But make some allowances for the folks around you - there's a lot for them to get used to.  Don't be too upset when people use the wrong name or pronouns... just smile and gently correct them.  They'll catch on soon enough.  The main thing is to be comfortable with who YOU are.  That will be reflected in the people around you.

One more thought... for an Easter gathering, would you not normally dress up a little?  Not prodding, just wondering.  I would, but that's me.

i've heard that book. i have the gender workbook by kate bornstein. i haven't really "dressed up" in years. i was so depressed and disgusted years ago when i had to be male, so i didn't even try. i do like female clothes, because they have much more choices, but i don't really believe in "dressing up" too much. that's just something that leaves me with resentment of what i went through in the pre female life.

I have been in the same situation as you, in fact have another coming up as well. I just went as me! I toned it down, but still wore foundation.

Phone your sisters, and sister in law and ask what they are wearing. I do. So I normally go in a nice skirt and top with low heels and enough makeup, or as little makeup to enhance my features.

I think you my find that sisters, cousins, sister in laws etc in 'happy' families have been talking about this since Eve had to go to a family function. What leaf are you going to wear? Do you think  the  oak is OK, I've seen a really cute sycamore in Trees Secrets.

Relax and enjoy.

Cindy

This

Quote from: rejennyrated on March 28, 2011, 05:23:56 PM
Just be yourself - and don't make this so complicated. If you are simply true to yourself people around you will get it soon enough.

and definitely this

Quote from: Helena on March 28, 2011, 05:33:38 PM
Just think of it like this, anything you do is automatically feminine, because you female and your doing it.

In regards to names and pronouns for those who do not know, simple say politely my name is "current name" and I don't answer to "previous name" anymore and give a reason if you feel it needs to be done.

Take care and remember you will be all right and most importantly have fun.

Kind regards
Sarah B.

Quote from: CindyJames on March 29, 2011, 05:15:28 AM

I think you my find that sisters, cousins, sister in laws etc in 'happy' families have been talking about this since Eve had to go to a family function. What leaf are you going to wear? Do you think  the  oak is OK, I've seen a really cute sycamore in Trees Secrets.

How true!! 

As for Kate Bornstein, the line of hers that I've always remembered was her reply to the all-important question: can you still have an orgasm after SRS?

To which she said, 'Yes. The plumbing works ... and so does the electricity' ... Love it!