Hi Del.
Terms are a difficult area, because there isn't a lot of aggrement.
But Transgender is, I believe the preferred term because it signifies the problem. I don't have a problem with sex. I don't do it, so no problem, sort of thing. Transexual implies something personal. My sex life, or not, is not anyone's concern.
There shouldn't be an 'ed' tacked onto the end. If we take the word as an adjective, I am transgender. Not was. If we take it as a noun, I haven't been made transgender, ie I haven't been transgendered. I was born this way.
Another way to look at this is to think of another, similar word. Someone might be described as black. It is a current condition. Equally, they haven't been blacked, they were born that way.
Generally, unless someone is really insecure, I would hope they would respond positively to any address that is intended positively.
But in the case of gender pronouns. The accepted standard is to use that which is appropriate to presentation. On here, I am she. That is how I present. If you met me and I appeared to be, visually, female, then the correct and considerate adress would be she. If I appeared male, then the correct address would be he.
