Quote from: japple on March 10, 2011, 08:14:01 PM
I started HRT and feel GREAT about it.  My therapist and doctor are super supportive.  My therapist said today that she thinks the SOC is bull->-bleeped-<- and is happy that we live in a time when I can do what I'm doing.

I have been taking better care of myself, dressing better, taking vitamins, eating well.

I think of it this way.  I have girl blood.  Which is all over inside my body. Pretty soon I'll have female skin.  There is something about being this much female that comforts me a lot.  I feel like I don't have to work at being female, I just am..all over.

If HRT makes me more like a girl, I'll cross that road when I come to it. For now I'm very happy being on a good path.

Cool about the HRT, but your therapist thinks the SOC is BS?  What leads her to believe that?

Quote from: interalia on March 11, 2011, 12:03:08 AM
Cool about the HRT, but your therapist thinks the SOC is BS?  What leads her to believe that?

I guess she was talking about SOC and doctor's interpretations when she started where they made you live/present as female before HRT.

My SydneyTinker channel on YouTube may be of some interest.

I'll have been on HRT for a year this coming week, but I'm genderqueer (bigender-identified). I present as male or female, genderf**k, whatever suits me.

That's inspirational, Randi! I think it's a testament too, to the people who think transgendered people are deluded crossdressers or something. It goes beyond many gender role-associated things, and more how you feel within your own body.

I'm comfortable to presenting myself as I am, even if many people see me as male. As long as I know, within, that my body is closer to female, I'll be happy.

This thread has really helped me. It's nice to see people in the same boat.

I originally wanted to find stories or videos of people like me...I guess now I'm deep into writing the story.

This is a great topic and something I have been thinking about since I really started establishing myself career-wise. I honestly didn't think there was anyone out there with the same feelings on the matter.

I plan on starting HRT this fall and was planning on documenting the experience. Not sure how yet. I'd love to do YouTube, but I'm still a little worried about privacy and people at my work finding out, though I admit my feelings may change by then.

Quote from: Nobuko on March 12, 2011, 08:40:47 PM
That's inspirational, Randi! I think it's a testament too, to the people who think transgendered people are deluded crossdressers or something. It goes beyond many gender role-associated things, and more how you feel within your own body.

I'm comfortable to presenting myself as I am, even if many people see me as male. As long as I know, within, that my body is closer to female, I'll be happy.

Same here I am comfortable presenting as male but I will tell you the more I work through bad memories and awkward feelings my perspective changes. Its interesting what almost 6mo on HRT will do to you the more I find my self wanting to be more female. For me dressing the part and passing did not used to be important but I find myself wanting some of that external validation. And I know that in my head I am pretty much a girl there is no argument, maybe in time the more my body changes the more I will be able to see it. Its tough and I know that you guys understand its just rough when your still lost in figuring out what you are.

But I do know the following:
- I know I am not male and testosterone is not for me.
- I am for sure genderqueer and trending more towards female

I suspect in the end I will settle in to an identity that's between genderqueer and female.

There's no doubt here that I'm all girl. I think about how I would look in outfits, how others do their makeup, color choices for mixing and matching, layering tops, purses, shoes. That's not guy stuff. Yeah I agree about wanting validation but that desire can lead to trouble with others so be careful. It has for me when I wasn't careful.

The other day I was asked why I couldn't just take Testosterone and 'man up'. OKAY! That conversation ended rather abruptly if I recall correctly. At my house there are good days and then bad days so I just roll with it. I could have gotten angry and defensive but I just tuned it out.

I'm still finding out who I am too but there is no doubt that upstairs I am female.
Randi

Quote from: Randi on March 30, 2011, 06:59:26 AMThe other day I was asked why I couldn't just take Testosterone and 'man up'.

Someone said something similar to me a couple of weeks ago and you should have seen the look I gave this person.

What I said back to them was "nah that's not really going to work, thanks though" but what I wanted to say "F$#k no, do you even have a clue as to what I am going through". But I guess to be fair I am not out to everyone as of yet so I can't expect everybody to know how to interact with me.

But that is for sure a component of that external validation, I don't think I am obsessed by it but I will tell you I think I need some of it to continue healing. Even as gender-queer making the outside match the inside and having people recognize and respect that is a tough one.

;P

same here 

Bigender unicorn here-
Presenting as BOTH genders is the only balance where I can find peace. I live dual lives, spend 1-2 days a week as a girl and the rest as a guy. It is extremely important to my sense of self that the people in my life only know me as a cisgender guy or girl and no one except for my wife, son, Mother and medical professionals are even aware of my bigender nature.  I've been on a full transition HRT regimen closing in on two years; go topless in the summer in guy mode, wear a bikini in girl. With a shag under a thousand hours presenting as female, I'm extremely fortunate to be able to pass very well either way.

It is possible if it is right for you.

I've been on HRT for nearly 3 months now, and I'm out to everyone I know as transitioning. Like you, japple, it's the physical body that's important to me, so my main goal is SRS. In all other respects, I'm what I've come to think of as womandrogyne - I should have a body that's female, and I'm resolving that, but in terms of gender I don't feel like I'm either feminine or masculine. I don't consider myself to be "presenting as male" but am aware that I look male to people, because I'm 6'3", and because though all my clothes now are women's clothes, they're all at the "masculine" end of the spectrum.

In trying to explain myself to the people at the gender clinic, I've clarified for myself that the people I've always most wanted to be like and look like have been my dyke friends. So essentially what I want to be is a woman who looks androgynous, a tall dyke, Amazonian . And I expect I won't end up looking female enough to get "gendered" by people as female, but I don't care very much. I just want my female body back.

And I also feel under some pressure to confirm to people's idea of what a "normal trans woman" looks like and dresses like, it's as though the general public expect us to wear a uniform. Shan't. Won't. There are billions of women on the planet, looking billions of different ways, and one of them looks like me. End of story.