Well I have noticed that I need to change. Wether it is my mind set to be happy with who I am or my body to match who I realy am I know now I need to change. I was thinking the main reason I need to change are these words from Briannna

Quote
You have been tortured for as long as I have known you. You have got to find some peace.

We all go arround this world having to live (earn a income) and somhow fit in other activities to be happy. For me it was triahtlons - as long as I was active and out ridding my bike I could mask my tortured soul. Well now that inner self (tortured self) is showing through so I need to change in order to find my peace.

So what do you guys want most from your changes. Is it inner peace that we all seek?

Alice

Hrm. "Inner peace" I suppose describes it.
Before I started this I had been haunted by a horrible nagging feeling of things dying, well, everything dying. I attributed it to entropy and perhaps being just slightly more aware than most. I find that most of that was not so much everything dying, although it still is of course, but myself is no longer whithering away.  Which is odd really, as I find I, ME, really haven't changed that much.  But whatever the case things are ever so much better now. Until, that is, something goes wrong.  Given what I believe I find this need to change both odd and perplexing but undeniable all the same.

Yes, "Inner peace" is a valid descriptive term, but it is only a part. The way I was, was chipping away at my sanity.

^*shrug*
It was a necessity to start.

An as it happens was severely (and is) hampering my ability to work.

^*hug* Hang in there Alice.

Yes Alice to find inter-peace.
To be me.
To no longer apologize to anyone for who i am in words or actions.
To no longer worry about what others think of me.
To accept all of my feeling instead of denying the ones I didn't think are right or I don't like.
To not fight with myself over everything that I do or think.
To be one person.
To be free in spirit and mind.
To be me.

Jillieann

Hmmmmmmmmm... Change...  I often think that it is quite impossible to "Change" for we are who we are.  I think that accepting who we are is the key to the inner peace that Kimberly spoke of, for if we can't accept who we are, or deny who we are, or devote all our energy masking who we are, then how can we hope to have inner peace, and happiness.

I don't think I changed, even through transition.  Transition allowed the real me to show through, to be, to live.  I accepted who I was and although it caused heart ache and upheaval of all kinds, in the end I am now happy and content with my life, who and what I am.

Just my thoughts.

Steph

I gained a life I enjoy .... simply that

Buffy

Quote from: Alice on January 31, 2007, 03:09:28 AM
So what do you guys want most from your changes...?

To be at peace with myself, to be whole and not fragmented, to find integration, to be in synch and in tune with who I am.

The physical changes are somewhat a means to that end, but they aren't the goal or point exactly. I DID once think that way though... that changing the physical would bring me peace.

But the surprise of this adventure has been how *I* have changed, my way of thinking, how I look at the world. I do agree with Steph that we're not exactly "changing" so much as growing or uncovering, and yet... I'm really not the same person I was back in March when I joined Susan's.

AND, if I had to choose between the physical changes and the emotional ones, I'd pick the emotional epiphanies in a heartbeat.

QuoteWell I have noticed that I need to change

One of my first journal entries which began this journey was, "I don't know where I'm headed, I only know that if I stay here like this, I'll die here like this."

I couldn't bear that thought any longer.

Kate

Quote from: Kate on January 31, 2007, 11:24:41 AM...
"I don't know where I'm headed, I only know that if I stay here like this, I'll die here like this."

I couldn't bear that thought any longer.

Kate

The catalyst for so much isn't it?

So very well put.

Well, commonly we call it change, but personally I don't think I have changed anything about myself either.  I see my transition and SRS as a corrective measure rather than a change.  Having said that, of course, the overall result is inner completion, for I am now what I always was.


tinkerbell

By correcting the incorrect parts of me, I hope to start living instead of dying. Every time I have to live as though I am a female, a little part of me dies.

I'm ready to live now.

What I have gained already: The ability to smile without forcing it, inner peace and the ability to just be myself and not put on a show for people.

What I hope to gain in the future: A body I'm 100% comfortable in.

Complicated:
For me the gains that i would want would have to be the perfect match for my female inside... Is that gain 100% ...
I am not assured by anything right now and fear worse than living unchanged the prospect of living changed and being even more unhappier.....
Ricki