Generally I'm not particularly the sensitive type when it comes to being offended, but this particular phrase makes me want to kill someone every time I hear it. The phrase No Homo was made famous on an episode of the show The Boondocks, in which a young boy explains to his family that if you say something that be construed as "being gay", you have to use the disclaimer No Homo or else it means you are gay. Throughout high school and even still, I hear the phrase from some of my male friends. I find it to be terribly offensive, but they don't.
A friend of mine made a photo comment on someone's facebook and used the disclaimer No Homo after the comment, and my sister and I mentioned how much we disliked the phrase. My significant other was in the next room and said that he didn't understand what we found so offensive about it. I'm pansexual, my sister is bisexual, and my significant other is heteroflexible (or maybe just on the straighter side of bisexual). I explained to him that the phrase is homophobic and implies that you can't even compliment other member of the same sex without "being gay", that it implies being gay is a bad thing (requiring constant disclaimers to insist you are not gay), and that the word "homo" is offensive in itself. He still didn't get it. So I tried telling him that it was a matter of context, some words are offensive if used in the wrong way (queer, ->-bleeped-<-, etc.) and that the context of which Homo is used is offensive. My significant other insisted that it shouldn't be offensive because Homo is just short for homosexual, and that No Homo basically just means "I mean this in a totally platonic way". My sister then told him about how even though Negro and N-word are different words, they are derived from the same thing, one being far more offensive than the other. At this point my significant other gave up and said, "Whatever. I'm still going to say it, don't try to censor me."
I couldn't tell if he told me he would say it no matter what just to spite me or just because he was frustrated with the argument. My significant other is a very strong advocate for gay rights, he is the most supportive person I know when it comes to my transitioning, and he despises bigotry in any form. I think he was angered by the argument because he did not want to be made out to be homophobic for using a phrase he did not find offensive. It just felt like one of those You Just Don't Get It arguments. Granted, he isn't particularly straight he was the "straightest" person involved in the argument. I'm very grateful for having never been a victim of hate in regard of my gender identity or sexuality, it still stings every time I hear an offensive term regarding gays. He is not gay, and will never understand what it is like to be hated just because of the people you love (unless we are still together after my transition, where he will then run a considerable risk).
The whole argument just made me sad that he felt okay with saying something like No Homo, knowing that I found it to be incredibly hurtful. I know that he is not in the least homophobic, so I know he does not mean to say anything offensive. I just don't know what to say to convince him exactly what is so hurtful without him getting defensive. It reminds me of an episode of South Park in which one of the main character's father accidentally says the N-word on television. The character approaches an african american friend from school and asks him not to be mad because it wasn't a big deal, and the african american child says. "It is a big deal. You just don't get it, do you?". At the end of the episode, the character realizes exactly why he was wrong by saying, "You're right. I don't get it. I never will get it because there is no way for me to understand what it feels like when someone says a word like that". I just want my SO to have that realization!
Has anyone else heard this phrase before? Do you find it as offensive as I do? Or am I just being overly sensitive?
