So, a premise for this odd title; it's always been known that it can be dangerous for women to be out alone a night. It's very sad, but it's true. They have a movement for it called "Take Back the Night". But that's not the point of this. The point is to ask the opinion of the other pre-op FTMs (mostly those who do not pass almost constantly), and FTMs in general, what your thoughts are on how this affects us.

I myself love the nighttime, but I am a little bit afraid to go out by myself (maybe a baseless fear, as I live in a small town...), simply because I was born female. As I'm a teen still, I seem to be getting more feminine looking by the day, and I can no longer pass most of the time. This makes me a little afraid to, say, go on a walk through the nearby park at night, even though it's something I've wanted to do for a long time. I know this is partly me just being paranoid, but I was wondering if anyone else feels the same?

Thoughts? Opinions? Any comments are welcome. 

i've actually thought about this some, mostly while watching law & order: svu, and i'd say your fear is not unfounded. since you live in a small town and everything you probably have nothing to worry about, and even women can go out alone at night and not get attacked. on the other hand, there are men who go out alone at night and do get attacked. so while it's not totally safe for anyone, it's also not inherently completely unsafe for anyone either.

anyway, i see what you're saying, and if you lived in a particularly frightening neighborhood i would probably advise against going out alone at night, because unfortunately, psychos don't tend to care about gender identity when they choose their victims.

I tend to not worry about it.  I grew up in a very safe town, and now I live in a nicer neighborhood where things are fairly safe after dark.  However, there are areas nearby with a fair amount of gang violence, and I wouldn't walk alone at night as either a man or a woman.  I can see that being cis/trans or male/female could expose you to different types of violence, but I don't think I'd feel any safer being seen as a wimpy guy walking alone than as a girl.

I feel safer when I'm wearing big baggy clothes at night.  It's dark so nobody's going to be able to see you that well, so if you wear a big hoodie or something they'll probably leave you alone.

Quote from: Matt Chase on April 04, 2011, 02:07:39 AM
i've actually thought about this some, mostly while watching law & order: svu, and i'd say your fear is not unfounded. since you live in a small town and everything you probably have nothing to worry about, and even women can go out alone at night and not get attacked. on the other hand, there are men who go out alone at night and do get attacked. so while it's not totally safe for anyone, it's also not inherently completely unsafe for anyone either.

anyway, i see what you're saying, and if you lived in a particularly frightening neighborhood i would probably advise against going out alone at night, because unfortunately, psychos don't tend to care about gender identity when they choose their victims.

No, small towns are even worse in my opinion because everyone knows everything about you.  I live in a small town and believe me people I don't even know, know my trans status because of word of mouth and the gossip of a small town.

Just be aware of your surroundings and keep an eye on local news so you will know problem spots.  Don't put yourself in them.  Keep your cell in close reach. 

I live in a pretty rough area in the UK (the streets either side of mine have been police taped off a few times last year) and I tend to just forget sometimes since I am awake most of the night, but I do wear a hoodie just to be safe cuz they tend to say 'leave me alone' when I go out at like 3am to the shop. It's funny though because other places less dangerous than where I live I have been caught at at around 11pm when buses stop running and I start getting sh*t scared like all the chavs and hoodies and wannabe gangsters are all looking at me like hungry animals waiting to mug me. IT helps that I have a really old phone and like no valuables you can see, and I don't really dress 'rich' so maybe they think it's not worth it... But that being said, I have known plenty of my friends to be mugged near bus stops and such at around 10pm~ but also in broad daylight.

Long story short: Don't come to London to walk about at night. Don't 'look' like a target or flash any valuables and wear baggy clothes - don't appear 'small' and make sure somebody knows where you are. Also try to keep wary of your surroundings, if you see people try to avoid them but not obviously- if you run, and they had malicious intentions, they will probably start chasing you because they know you're spooked (conversely if you are confronted, then DO run- drop whatever you have so they stall to pick it up, to give you more time to get away). Just keep your head about you and the night can be a stroll in the park.. haha... Oh and make sure you know your surroundings, don't go anywhere you've never been before just in case you need to get away, you don't want to end up lost and knowing shortcuts can help.

I live in a bit of a large city (1.5mil), and I walk around after 9pm A LOT more than I did when I lived in a really small town. Like Andy said, small towns can be worse because everyone knows you/is just really bored. I would walk around my town at 2AM and consistently have drunk kids from my old high school try and start fights and et cetera. In the city all I've gotten asked for is directions.

Quote from: DevinJW on April 04, 2011, 12:24:02 PM
Don't 'look' like a target or flash any valuables and wear baggy clothes - don't appear 'small' and make sure somebody knows where you are. Oh and make sure you know your surroundings, don't go anywhere you've never been before just in case you need to get away, you don't want to end up lost and knowing shortcuts can help.

^Also, this. Always walk like you know where you're going and you belong where you are.

Interesting opinions. My dad always gave me the same advice about looking like you know where you're going even if you don't, but that's mostly just for being in San Francisco by myself. My town isn't really small, but rather moderately sized; there's not a lot of "gossip", so most people won't know who you are, but it's still not a very large place either.

I wouldn't consider it being unsafe really, but I still have some nagging fear. I've been downtown at night around 11 before, and there's a lot of annoying or troublesome teenagers out around that time, but they don't really seem to bother you if you just walk past them. I don't know what kind of people hang out at the park at night, but I suppose I could go for a walk tonight and see what it's like over there. I don't think there's any real grounds for fear as long as you keep your wits about you while you're out.

I know I'm a typical American, but I'd say pack more than just your penis.  Like maybe some heat.  Although you do have to wait until you're 18 for it to be legal (assuming you're in the US).

I posted something in another thread where people were talking about safety that it's not just because of how you look but because of how you act too. There's been studies with criminals about how they select "targets" and they are looking for easy prey ... people who look out of place, nervous or anxious (can be looking scared, looking around nervously, walking too fast, etc. etc.), people who aren't paying attention or do not seem to be aware of their surroundings (people who walk looking down to the ground, etc.). Most criminals do not want a battle with someone - they want it easy whether they're just going to rob you or try to do worse. This goes for women as well as men.

I imagine it would be hard to be stealth in a small town where you had a previous identity. In a large city it's easy to blend in. There are plenty of small/short guys out there. I still believe a large percentage of whether you're going to get messed with or not has to do with your awareness level, confidence level and how you generally act walking down the street.

As far as carrying weapons. I'd be very careful with that. For one, if you don't know what you're doing with a gun or a knife a criminal can easily take it from you and use it against you. Two, you could get busted for carrying a weapon - especially a gun because in many states it's straight up illegal to carry one concealed. In the states where it is legal, you need a concealed carry permit and to get one you have to take gun courses. I think with many states it's illegal to carry around a knife over 3" or any type of switch blade.

Quote from: Devin87 on April 04, 2011, 07:12:30 PM
I know I'm a typical American, but I'd say pack more than just your penis.  Like maybe some heat.  Although you do have to wait until you're 18 for it to be legal (assuming you're in the US).

You have to be 21 to carry a handgun and you usually need a permit.

I just went ahead and went out. I stayed aware of my surroundings, of course. I suppose lots of people saw me as a guy at night; I had short hair, male clothes and shoes, baggy shirts, and a very confident, no-nonsense masculine walk.

Plus, I often carried a big hulking briefcase and the will to use it if necessary.

I've always been paranoid about being out alone, night or otherwise. In the past 5-6 years crime has gotten bad here, there was a shooting right in front of my house a few years ago (I didn't see it happen, but I saw the man who'd been shot stumble into the street bleeding everywhere) and about a year later there was one nearby my girlfriend's house. Now, they're usually drug-related or something (not entirely random drive-bys or something) but still.

If I AM out at night, I make absolutely sure I'm with at least one of my other massive male friends, and carrying at least two knives. Realistically, as long as the person doesn't have a gun and they're not trained, I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I've been in a lot of fights in my life, at one point fighting off one of my own cousins who was swinging an axe at me. Especially if it's indoors. If it's indoors, in a small enclosed space? I'm set. I know, I know, it sounds like typical male over-confidence but I've done some awful things to people in the past, and I'm 100% aware that that specific part of me is a VERY big part of me.

I don't instigate, though. I mind my own damn business, don't take side streets, and cannot stress enough how anal I am about having someone else with me at all times. And the confidence thing...the confidence thing is so huge. I spent the first 3 years of living in this town getting the crap beat out of me on a daily basis, and I'm not exaggerating. I learned damn quick that with most people, if you make it obvious that you've got no qualms with curbstombing them, they'll piss of without much incident. But, then again that's me, and I have a serious tendency to gravitate towards violence in general.

Quote from: Andy8715 on April 04, 2011, 10:31:56 PM
You have to be 21 to carry a handgun and you usually need a permit.

Depends on the state.  There are like two or three states where you don't even need a permit (I know Alaska and Vermont) and you're right-- it is 21 for a handgun.  18 for a rifle or shootgun, but those aren't really fun to carry around.