Hi every one, I wanted to know what are some of the negitive things  or the difcult things that you go throught in transition,  I want to know so that I and others like me might be able to avoid or lessen some of the neg. and embrace and amplify the positive.  I know too that I will have things unique to myself to deal with like everyone does but I know there are some of the same things too.
Emma you mentioned in one of my posts "Brace yourself for difficulty ahead"
I know your not trying to rain on my parade or anything like that but I would like you to expand on that and any others that would like to tell of there dificulties and also at the same time to keep it on the bright side tell me of some of the wonderfull things too.
I like to know these things, i like to learn from others so dont be shame, lets talk story a bit 
Aloha.

Jennie

You can't avoid it.

-: You will be discriminated against transphobic or sexist. You will be the princess of 1000 enemies
-: Electrolysis is like a BBQ where everyone is invited at your expense and your face is the main course.
-: The transformation is pretty painful boobs growing on your body hurt alot.
-: You feel like an unlovable freak at times (Least I do)
-: Your sterile
-: Retraining your voice it hard but you can do it without spending any money it's just HARD.
-: Your whole family might abandon you leaving you alone and without any support network.
-: when your androgynous Expect ridicule.
-: It gets in the way of the other things you want to do in life.
-: doctors might neglect or dismiss you for begin what you are impairing your transition.
-: it hurts missing all those years of your past you should have grown up as your actual acquired gender.
-: You might become rather selfish be careful around others.

+: Your gender dysphoria is greatly reduced.
+: Some bits are funny as hell.
+: Passing and living as your desired gender is a dream come true. Except more gritty and real.

I think that the positives and negatives in transition are as unique as the person experiencing it.  Something that really bothers one person may not phase another, and some people may be in more accepting environments than other people.

The good stuff is generally:
-Looking in the mirror and seeing yourself
-Lessened anxiety
-Feeling the correct hormone balance in your body

The bad stuff is generally:
-People being bigoted towards you
-Surgical complications and taking time off of work
-Growing pains
-Lots of paperwork

My negatives:

- People always say they can't possibly understand, like they have to, but tell me they're supportive.
- The people who care about you will view you as someone who is dying, and you're taking their place. (this is especially true if you had some success beforehand).
- Society, by and large, will take a while to accept you. And even then, it may only be a minimal tolerance (as if you inconvenience them!).
- You will be viewed as selfish.
- You can very easily become selfish.
- You will be viewed as vain.
- You will become vain, (just like everyone else  )
- This takes serious time and effort if you've obviously masculinized, and is a considerable financial burden.
- People will shove you into a box and expect you to act and look a certain way- and if you don't, for some ungodly reason you won't pass, violence will be an issue, you won't be given the medical treatment you need, and you will be called many terrible things.
- If you act normal during transition they will see a feminine man, if you act ultra feminine they will see someone trying to over compensate.
- Your mentality will solidify long before your body changes enough.
- Changing your voice is really very hard work, (though, you will eventually come to the god sent realization that each feminine voice is different) and it helps if you already use feminine speech.

Neutrals

o- As you androgynize people will become confused about your gender and avoid talking to you.
o- People are fascinated by me and want to become my friend just because I'm different.
o- People want me to be different, but I don't want to be different. Just a quirky girl.
o- This is a fluid process, and you can very easily be perceived as confused as it works itself out.
o- This takes time, this takes steps.

Positives

+ You're not keeping a secret that eats you alive every second of every day.
+ You will be happy when you look into the mirror, and you will be able to walk by one without looking into it trying to find ANYTHING feminine to ease your brain.
+ You will be rid of that god awful testosterone driven sex drive. (You'll still want sex, really, but you'll actually be able to enjoy it.)
+ You will be able to express yourself fully, without the need for constraint (within reason).
+ You will become a happier person.
+ You will generally become a better person to hang around with.



As you can see, transition is not overall a positive thing. It is what it is- transition. You go in one way and come out another, all of the in between time is awkward and surreal, if it takes you much time at all. When I'm done with it I will just think of myself as the woman I've identified as since forever, I will be a tolerable (very happy!) person, and life will move on.

Hi, Jeannie,

I am glad you brought up this thread. When we talk about transition we always "glaze" over the impact in our children. The common theme is that if you are trustful with the children and they will grow OK. Maybe at home, but we never "talk" about the humiliation and bullying our children have to endure and face at school, mall, or neighborhood. People and classmates had come to my kids and tell them: "I heard your dad is a ->-bleeped-<-," this type of remark does affects the children even when they have been prepared for.

I get so full of guilty and shame for causing pain to my kids. I wish the school systems will teach sensitivity towards the children of transgendered parents. I wish the good Christians will preach love and not hate in their churches for their fellow  transgendered humans

Kate D

I fudged, the positives, though fewer in number, far outweigh all else. And, yes it's hard for our children, even when everyone's prepared.

Certainly there are hardships involved, as there are in anything worth achieving.  (As the old saying goes, if it were easy everyone would do it.) But positive and negative are relative terms. I'm reminded of the old "Hee Haw" television show routine,

(watch it for a good laugh)

In the big scheme of things, as Emma said the positives far outweigh the negatives. I had to admit that the person I was without transition, had that person even survived, would have been pitiful, sad, and a worthless burden to everyone. No one likes to be around people like that in any case. At least now there is hope and promise for a future in a life well worth living, for myself and everyone around me.

It may also help to know that there are plateaus and breakthroughs. Transition is a difficult thing to do, and there will be times when you feel like quitting and lying down somewhere to just shrivel away. You MUST enable your friends to be able to help you through.

You will get in your own way often, and I find that forcing it one way or another too hard will just aggravate everything. Rarely does one go into transition knowing EXACTLY how it will turn out and in what ways it will be of the greatest benefit.

Like today, for example: I spent all of yesterday and this morning trying not to address my GID, I was trying to take it easy and just pop the pills- live day to day. My S.O. was loving it. Unfortunately, all the while I was suffering from a stress headache and bailed from a bbq early just so that I could go home and lay down. I woke up with the same headache and stomach pain that I had when I went to sleep. I checked my phone to find that our lovely Janet had offered some encouragement, that made me feel better- but not well.

I started cooking, I put on a "girly andro" shirt, I actually combed my hair to approximate a pixie cut and now I feel like I'm in a tolerable state. I coupled this with the twinkling of the beginning of an understanding that I'm sort of a run of the mill bi- fem- woman who hates labels, and viola! I feel like I'm making mental progress for the first time in days.

I try to not thing in such black and white terms...transition is just transition, treat it as the journey it is. sometimes you have to walk in the rain, sometimes you get to walk in the sunshine. regardless of rain or shine, you're still moving forward.

Quote from: Helena on April 10, 2011, 06:07:19 PM
I try to not think in such black and white terms...

This is my sickness. I try. When I fail (which is not very often), I fail hard. 

I everyone, thanks so much for all the wonderful replies.  I know there will be bumps in the road as all of you point out but also as you all know it is well worth it, I too will be a better person at the end, I know it will be a long journey but I have all the time in the world, I have wasted too much time in the past.
Emma, I find if I do not address my GID that is when it runs away with me and I need to go through a lot to get it back under control, it is always with me so I try to give it it's own space.  Do you find your GID that way too?
My therapist told me that after I start HRT the dysphoria will start to lessen over time, have you folks found that to be true and if so how long did it take, how much of the dysphoria is gone and does it ever go away all together at some point in time when the transition is over and you are what you are supposed to be?

On a side note my daughter came over for dinner today so I got to see her and my granddaughter well I told my daughter about me and she is just the best daughter anyone could ask for, she is so understanding, she said it is great that I told her and she said that must be why your so wounderfully tallented and then she smiled real big and said women are smarter
after our talk she gave me the bigest hug she ever gave me, I can tell we are a lot closer now because of my coming out to her, so now only 3 people know, my wife and daughter and my doctor and of course all you folks

Thanks again for all the replies and feel free to keep them coming, aloha nui loa.

Jennie

Quote from: Jennie on April 11, 2011, 03:55:59 AM

Emma, I find if I do not address my GID that is when it runs away with me and I need to go through a lot to get it back under control, it is always with me so I try to give it it's own space.  Do you find your GID that way too?

I wish I could answer that question without upsetting certain people Please understand that I don't like to divulge much about my own particular case because I have found that it is quite extreme. I try so hard just to be supportive and struggle to go day to day. I am currently regretting making myself so public. You are more than welcome to PM me if you want to compare our personal matters.