Hi

I am currently non hormones/non op but want to get on with this.

I am 21 (will be 22 in may) and am worried that I will be disowned and thrown out because of coming out as TG (MtF). My Mum is old fashioned in the mind and my dads the short fused type that no one really wants to cross. Sometimes I can see myself saying something along the lines of if you don't like me or don't want me for disclosing then I proudly say the feelings mutual. Similar thoughts and feelings would most likely be directed at freinds that can't handle it but I'm not dependant on those.

I came out to a close freind but he seems more interested in his dog and his daily schedule of what he has to do etc. Honestly like I am bothered with this stuff.

I badly want to get on with it as I have had a late puberty which is a physical sign that you're body knows its that of a transsexual. I wan't to use this as an excuse to visit the doctor (and tell them about my gender dysphoria) so I can get referred to a gender specialist but I'm forever questioned as to where I'm going and what I'm doing etc. In effect nothings private. The earlier I get on with it the better chances I have of passing.

I'm living near Brighton UK at the moment.

Much love

Samantha

Hi Samantha

Welcome to Susan's and this is the place where you can find the answers to questions you may have in regards to you being Transgendered.

You said that you are worried about what your parents might think.  The only way is ask to them certain questions in relation to you (without telling them about you) so that you can actually find out where they really stand.  However, it is always hard to gauge what they are going to say or do unless you tell them.

At this stage I would not say anything (because it appears that you would like to remain private and this is all right)  It is up to you to actively seek out the help you need, since you are legally an adult, you do not need your parents permission.

So if your parents ask you where you are going out for the day, just say somehthing that will put them at ease and go to the specialists and doctors that you need to go to, so that you will be able to achieve what you want.  Better still, move out and find your own place to live where you will be able to come and go as you please.

Go and see a doctor now (and not necessarily your family doctor) and let them know about your conditon, until you do this nothing will happen.  You are right the earlier you do this the better your chances of being a beautiful young lady and having a wonderful life.

Take care and I wish you all the best.

Warm regards
Sarah B

Sarah

Can the family doctor hand over this information if asked by my family then.

I have recently got a job but it will end by the year (entire company moving abroad) so sadly I can't see moving out happening allthough never say never and I have definately considered it and am keeping it in mind.

If I manage to get as far as getting persription hormones I will have to come out in the end (assuming I'm still at home)  as not only will I need to see an endocrinologist but I will also devolop breasts a year on from starting HRT and thats going to raise a ton of questions

Samantha

Hi Samantha

If patients are under eighteen your appointment with a doctor can be kept confidential at all times as long as the minor shows a certain level of competency and maturity.

In the UK there are laws and guidelines which apply to this kind of situation one is called the Gillick competency and the second is called the Frazer competency.  A patient that is under eighteen can inform the doctor that they don't want them to speak to their parents about what they are telling them.

However, if the medical condition is serious then in the doctor can in some circumstances inform the parents and sometimes is required by law to report, for instance child sexual abuse.

However since you are over eighteen, you are a legal adult and the doctor, even if it is your family doctor cannot inform your parents of any medical condition that you have, unless you give that doctor permission to do so.  If that doctor did reveal your private medical history then they would  be in serious trouble.

If you do see your family doctor, then inform them that what you are about to discuss with them must remain confidential and your parents must not be told under any circumstances.

Here is a link to general information, it tells you about getting a doctor within the NHS.

You can go the private route it will cost a bit of money but you will get what you want a lot more quickly and at the same time make sure you are still listed to see the doctors under the NHS so that when the time comes to have any surgery the NHS will pay for it.  There is a thread on this particular issue.  I will try and find it and post a link when I do.

I hope this helps

Warm regards
Sarah B

Hi Samantha

I found the thread that I mentioned above and it is informative to say the least.  In this post members discuss how to use a combination of the NHS and private systems. To obtain the treatment that they need.  The thread that discusses this, is called "The NHS route UK".  There are other members around that are more knowledgeable in this area than I and hopefully they will be along shortly to provide additional help.

If your job is going to come to an end at the end of the year, then start looking for another job now.  So when the job you are in comes to an end, you will be working somewhere else and hopefully you have found a place that you can move into and then you can come and go as you please.

You decide if and when to tell your parents and at the same time, if you are on hormones, the changes will be very gradually and they will not notice and other treatments that need to be done, do them without letting them know what you are up to.  It is up to you to find a way around their inquisitiveness.

Take care and let us know what happens.

Warm regards
Sarah B

Hi Sarah

Thanks for the info

I was wondering if you have to dress en femme to see the gender specialist. I would suspect that if you don't you won't be taken very seriously.

As for work I have another interview up and coming but the role involves instructing college students. I attended this college for 3 years. The thing is that if I come out about wanting to medically transition even if its done through HR first (the proper way of letting work know your plans) I would suspect to be fired shorty after. Being midway TS in a public facing role is asking to be fired. Even if I didn't get fired (highly unlikely) the fact that I entered as male and now will be transitioning and wish to be publically known as Samantha would get me laughed at badly. Childeren and teenagers have no social inhibitions. I will keep an eye out for other vacancies and appply etc to make sure I have a job to go to and enough money to get out.

Samantha

Hi Samantha

You are most welcome.

Your choice of clothing is a very personal one and wearing what you want, will not change who you really are.  However long ago in the dark ages.  I contemplated the same thoughts you are having now.  Do I go dressed or just some plain clothes?  I remember reading something about dressing up and going to see a psychiatrist  and the expectations that the pyschiatrist would have, that is, if you were not dressed, then you were not serious, so to speak.

When my time came for my first visit.  I was casually dressed, skirt, blouse, a little makeup and my hair in a plait.  The main reason I chose this way was, one, I was able to present as a female with no problems and two, to make sure that the psychiatrist realise that I was deadly serious and I was not playing games.  My second visit I was dressed in a semi formal suit because that was the way I went to work and that was how I wanted to present myself at the time.  After that I do not really remember how I was dressed, except to say, I just went in as me, regardless of what I wore.

So how you present is going to depend on how you go about your change and how well you can present now.  It's hard to speculate on what will happen in the future when you mention that you are pre everything in a sense.  I would not say anything to HR about what you intend to do at this stage as you have only just started out and as you have mentioned this job will be gone by the end of the year, you can reassess about discussing this issue with HR if circumstances change in the future.

What are you plans at the moment?  Can you present as female now and what have you done to help you achieve what you want in life?  These are just some questions that will help you decide how you go about achieving what you want.  Ultimately it is up to you how you go about achieving things, we can give you advice and opinions, but you have to make the final decision on what you want.

However most important thing you can do at the moment is to, 'do the things that will make you happy' and know that there are a lot of people around here who will help and support you.

Warm regards
Sarah B

Hi Sarah

I have researched the matter. I have only minorly crossdressed (sorta wrong word since its being who we are but I guess thats the best way of descibing it) if I can find a female freind that will stay quiet then I could get some hints and tips from her as well.

To present as female in full I would either need to come out to make it acceptable or do it elsewhere then go out to the specialist from wherever else.

I am mosly pre everything becuase not only am I still closeted but I was also in denial for years. I only worked it out in the late end of Febuary this year. What bugs me to no end is that I identified as female for all these years but I thought I was wierd for doing so (but secretly liked it). All the life signs of being TS were there since childhood (including the arkward moment when I told one of mums freinds that I was not handsome but infact pretty while waiting to go to school) but somehow I knew it was all there but never really worked it all out. I knew people did transition but never really put two and two together and worked out that I was actually not wierd and that I would not be the first or last that feels this way (or transitions) . The amount of regret I have for this is a lot

Best wishes

Samantha

Hello Sarah

I have come out to some girlfriends and there is allready talk of girly nights out. High heels allso. Just what I wan't to be doing. Infact I even made one of them jealous a touch. She was jealous/envious of the fact that I am a Samantha (a name she'd secretly wished for), that theres an off chance that I could have bigger boobs then her and the fact that in mid transtion I can use wigs (maybe even different styles until my naturual hair grows long enough to not need wigs.

I have made the choice to come out no later then the end of July. I would love to get on with it sooner but my birthdays in a short space of time and I don't want to be responsible for a huge family feud. Allso coming out at such a time would raise the chances of being shown the door.

Regards

Samantha

Hi Samantha

It good to hear that you are doing well and it is also nice to know that you have support from some girlfriends as well.  Having long hair will help you no end, I know, because I had hair down to my waist at the time I changed.  However, it is important to get on hormones as soon as possible and to do that you need to see a therapist and of course remove unwanted hair.  Did you manage to see a doctor?  These are the things that can help you along, the family more than likely will not notice, except for your hair if you are growing it out.

If you decide to tell your family at the end of July, then have some back up plan just in case things do not go well.  Take care and remember to have a nice birthday

Warm regards
Sarah B

Hi Sarah

A freind said he'd put me up for a while if all wen't to hell. Allso one of my girlfreind's pities me a bit and has allready asked if I can be her non blood tie daughter. She's in her 40's so she can help me out dressing en femme and maybe I can spend some time at hers only if she's happy and all that. She's already said that she would love to see me in a pair of heels. I said "please do, it will be an improvement. You never know where that could lead.

Ahh body hair. Yuck. I have recently noticed it sprouting on my hands. Every time I see it coming I'm like right that's it you have an appointment with a razor in the morning.

Much Love

Samantha

Hi Samantha

Good to hear that you have some backup plans.  If you are getting hairs on hands then you need to get on to hormones as soon as you can and the only way that you can do that is to see therapist.  Did you manage to sort out the doctor issues you mentioned in your earlier posts?

Remember you do not have to tell your family and at the end of the year hopefully you will have saved up a lot of money or spent the money on achieving what you want.

Warm regards
Sarah B

Hi Sarah

I haven't yet had the time and I need to think of some false story about where I'm going but I am going to try and get on with it next week when I don't have work and have some time to figure out some plans and fix up an appointment. Its getting to that time now where enough is enough.

Last week I had the bad emotions for 3 days straight and even silently shed some tears while no-one was looking at work. Allso my appetite was at an all time low for this period.

Best Wishes

Samantha