I cant stand it anymore...this is something that really bothers me. I am very envious of cis males. One of the main reasons being is because they have a fully functional penis...something I'll never have. The envy is quickly turning into hatred and sometimes I get so envious and angry about my body and what I'll never have that  I start shedding tears of rage. I know I probably shouldn't be so hung up over a body part....but I've wanted a penis ever since I was 6 years old,when I asked my mom if God would turn me into a boy....followed by years of stuffing my underwear so I would feel like I had the right equitment....and what really eats away at me is when I hear cis males talking about their junk...like its the best thing in the world and knowing I will never have a normal cis penis. Even when I go to Yahoo Answers and go to the Mens Health section [which I try to avoid] I cant stay there long because I get so envious of the men there...


I hope this doesn't sound too weird...it sounds weird to me typing all this out...but I'm just upset ...I cant produce my own sperm...I cant father children like a cis male...all those things I am envious of to the point I cant stop thinking about it.  My biggest point of dysphoria is my lack of a penis. I hate what I have so much....it feels like a big aching void of nothingness. It feels like something should be there. I dont like being envious of cis males...I dont like all this hatred I feel inside because of my issues.

I feel embarrassed to talk to anyone else about this so I am posting it here....I cant keep it inside anymore...I just needed to get this out.


How do I get over this? Any tips on dealing with this extreme envy?

Well, you do actually have the exact same tissue that comprises a cis male's penis--it's just smaller.  But it's formed exactly the same, right down to the glans, foreskin, and erectile bodies.  The only thing it is missing is a urethra--and size.  Even on T, having a penis in the 'normal' range for cis males (about 3-4" flaccid is average) is unlikely, but not unheard of.  That said, there are cis males who have small penises.  There's a great site that shows photos of penises of all sizes, flaccid and hard (probably shouldn't link it).  There are 2", 1.5", and even a couple 1-inchers (flaccid).  It happens.  Go look up the condition called 'micropenis.'  Tiny penises.  They happen.  To us and to cis males, too.

Prior to T, I did my best to ignore that area because mine was small to the point of seeming non-existent.  But it wasn't, and it grew on T, and... now I'm really quite happy with it.  No, it's not "normal" adult size, but like I said--there are adult cis males who don't have that, either.  It helps me a lot to just think of it like that.

As for producing sperm and ejaculating... yeah, you've got me there.  No solution to that one.  Personally, it doesn't bother me a whole lot at this point...  I don't care much about producing sperm because even if I could, I'm not sure that I want kids.  Even if I could produce sperm and have my own biological kids, I would lean towards adoption (just... why bring another person into a crowding world when there are already so many kids who need a family?).

And there is a bonus for not ejaculating: no cleanup.

Anyways, that's just how I deal.  Hopefully you can find something that works for you.

I really feel this, but I'm on the other side of the spectrum... I really wish there was some way I could have a uterus in the future, but that's just not possible.  I get oddly jealous when cis-females talk about their periods because it just feels like I'll always be missing some essential part of my femininity.  So I definitely understand! If only we could trade! (well I would've already traded with one of my transman friends  )

Ever watch the Howard Stern small penis contest?

I really feel you. I have the same kind of envy, really intensely. And sometimes I just get so pissed off about it I don't even want to get out of bed.
Especially when I dream every night and it's there, and when I wake up it's like phantom limb syndrome, it's extremely upsetting. I mean, I've woken up and gone to the bathroom and freaked out before going WTF DID IT GO for a few minutes before remembering the unfortunate current status of my genitals.

Learning about, and seeing pictures of (check out transbodypride.tumblr.com some guys post photos there that might help you feel better), guys growing so much on T, and reading up on metoidioplasty really helped calm me some. You may not be able to ejaculate, but you can get hard, and some guys can penetrate with it as well depending. Like Ender said, the tissue is exactly the same. Everyone starts out the same, and at least us guys are lucky in the sense that we can grow something resembling the part we want, even if it needs some surgical help to get as close as it can.

Quote from: EmilyElizabeth on April 11, 2011, 11:44:25 PMIf only we could trade! (well I would've already traded with one of my transman friends  )

I wish this too all the time XD My friend Aggi is transitioning with me, I would trade parts with her at the drop of a hat.

Quote from: asher on April 12, 2011, 12:56:50 AM
I really feel you. I have the same kind of envy, really intensely. And sometimes I just get so pissed off about it I don't even want to get out of bed.
Especially when I dream every night and it's there, and when I wake up it's like phantom limb syndrome, it's extremely upsetting. I mean, I've woken up and gone to the bathroom and freaked out before going WTF DID IT GO for a few minutes before remembering the unfortunate current status of my genitals.

Learning about, and seeing pictures of (check out transbodypride.tumblr.com some guys post photos there that might help you feel better), guys growing so much on T, and reading up on metoidioplasty really helped calm me some. You may not be able to ejaculate, but you can get hard, and some guys can penetrate with it as well depending. Like Ender said, the tissue is exactly the same. Everyone starts out the same, and at least us guys are lucky in the sense that we can grow something resembling the part we want, even if it needs some surgical help to get as close as it can.
I wish this too all the time XD My friend Aggi is transitioning with me, I would trade parts with her at the drop of a hat.

http://transbodypride.tumblr.com/post/4073003910/2-cocks-are-better-than-1-submitted-by-anon
Damn, that's impressive!

That's a pretty cool site. I think it helps.

Quote from: Sharky on April 12, 2011, 01:39:32 AM
http://transbodypride.tumblr.com/post/4073003910/2-cocks-are-better-than-1-submitted-by-anon [NSFW]
Damn, that's impressive!

That's a pretty cool site. I think it helps.

Agreed!

But you might want to mark that link NSFW, eh?

Sorry guys,

I think one of the hardest things about "TG" is knowing we can never have what we want. I use to cry because I couldn't conceive. Friends would be astonished (if I ever let them get that close to me ), why would a 'man' want to have a baby? Geez that the best part of being male, I watched my wife give birth. No way. And each comment would hurt me like an arrow in my soul.

Sorry, I'm interrupting. but I'm willing to swap.

One,  six inch, hardly used, circumcised and totally useless bodily appendage. Can be prompted to orgasms, but owner very rarely uses the feature. Comes attached to two equally useless organs. Are to be taken as a package, will swap for female organs in working order.  Willing to negotiate reasonable price.  After suitable recovery time, willing to test that  reciprocal organs are in working condition.  Owner of male appendage to be dominant, loving and caring. Owner of female appendage promises to flirt, be provocative and drive male crazy, at any time, particularly in public. Willing to satisfy male partner in retribution. .

Sorry Guys
Joking (?)

Hugs
Cindy

Always filled with rage, jealousy, hatred for them. Then angry at myself cause I catch myself thinking of them, of that I'm not normal. Big cycle. I don't know how to end it either, and I don't think I'll ever quit, or at least not let up until top surgery.

I don't direct my hostile feelings at cis-males, I just get angry at the events during my conception.

I understand where these emotions come from, but I personally can't hate an individual just because they have features I so desperately need

Sorry i wasn't being to be insensitive in any way.

Have the same feelings in reverse

Sorry
Cindy

Quote from: CindyJames on April 12, 2011, 06:51:09 AM
Sorry i wasn't being to be insensitive in any way.

Have the same feelings in reverse

Sorry
Cindy

I don't think anyone took it as being insensitive Cindy, I know I didn't. I think we all wish we could have a genital trading day

Quote from: FebruaryFalls on April 12, 2011, 06:58:17 AM
I don't think anyone took it as being insensitive Cindy, I know I didn't. I think we all wish we could have a genital trading day

Yeah I'd trade with you Cindy. 

And transbodypride.tumblr.com is awesome.  Thanks for the link!

Quote from: Alex201 on April 11, 2011, 10:48:11 PM
How do I get over this? Any tips on dealing with this extreme envy?

In the beginning of transition these kinds of feelings can be magnified. Some of this may lessen as you get more comfortable in your body. But for most of us, the penis issue never fully goes away. It's always going to be a compromise where options and feelings are concerned. Some guys find some relief with surgical options or T growth. Looking into your options and figuring out what you'd want surgical wise can help sometimes. Once I made a decision not to have bottom surgery, it was easier for me to accept. Having some surgical options (however satisfactory or unsatisfactory to the individual) can give a sense of control. With some decision power (even between the lesser of two evils), we're not just stuck completely with what nature gave us. A weak choice is better than no choice at all.

Other than that, when these feelings come up, I just don't let myself go there. Envy is only constructive if what the other guy has is attainable. If it's not, let it die.

Quote from: Sharky on April 12, 2011, 01:39:32 AM
http://transbodypride.tumblr.com/post/4073003910/2-cocks-are-better-than-1-submitted-by-anon
Damn, that's impressive!

That's a pretty cool site. I think it helps.

ha - that is what I was talking about in another thread - it an extension basically. If you've got enough girth you can use one.

Anyway that's a good site because it depicts all sorts of body types, etc and people "owning" them (just being comfortable with what they got or what stage they're in).

I got the dick part covered but yeah it doesn't shoot off like "normal" dicks which is a bit of a bummer but I try to look at it like "no clean up" as well. The thing that really bums me out is the tits. I really hate having tits.

As for what you can do - you can invest in a very realistic prosthetic. I saw one the other day in the gear thread that definitely could pass a visual test! I know it's not the same as something you grew but it can "fill the void" so to speak. I think they even make ejaculating dildos if I'm not mistaken!

Quote from: insideontheoutside on April 12, 2011, 12:49:27 PM
I think they even make ejaculating dildos if I'm not mistaken!

Indeed they do, I've had my eye on edenfantasies 'squirt' for a while now hahaha.

And hey glad the site could help guys!
There are a few really great sites on tumblr supportive of trans individuals, where you can posts pictures, video, meet people and ask advice. There's ->-bleeped-<-yeahftms.tumblr, transpride.tumblr, stophatingyourbody.tumblr (which isn't specifically trans but transgender people do post there, and generally inspirational and helpful), and for the ladies there's ->-bleeped-<-yeahcutetranschicks.tumblr
Following them on there has been really helpful to me dealing with my own envy/anger on the subject, so it might help you guys too, I'd recommend checking them out. If you do a search on tumblr for transgender or anything else I'm sure you would likely find more too. Maybe you could even find one for penis envy hahaha.

Uhh, that picture..    Well, from both sides, and I have thought about this. In my life, before realizing that I could identify myself as a male, I have been quite the size queen.  And I have seen the Howard Stern Small Penis Contest and wow, there's nothing to see on those men! Hah! Sorry for laughing. But now, from the other side of the spectrum, I'd feel terribly inadequate as a man to only have 2-3 inches. As odd as it may seem, I'd rather leave the downstairs as-is than to feel inadequate and embarrassed about being of small size down there. But maybe, if and when the day comes that the rest of my body has changed, maybe I'll feel bad about not having anything down there. But for now, I'm pretty far away from being able to afford transition.