I know its not a big deal but Last night I went outside for the first time as me in 16 years! It felt so good to simply walk outside feel the air on my face and have people just walk by me! I don't know what made me do it,, I came home from work and changed into me like usual and I just said screw it and walked out the door! I dunno, I know its not that big of a deal, but I just feel like I could burst into happy tears just because I was me outside and real! I mean I felt like I actually existed!   
Sorry if this sounds insignificant or even weird to any of you, but it has been so long for me, and now I am more accepting of myself ( I no longer think I'm nuts) LOL
So anyhow,, just me yelling from a mountain top
Stac

While it may seem insignificant to most, every one of us has had this freedom moment.  There is noting like the feeling of being yourself, Finally.

Good for you Staci

Good on ya Staci  I don't find that weird or insignificant at all... actually you brought some fond memories to mind

Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 13, 2011, 09:24:53 PM
While it may seem insignificant to most, every one of us has had this freedom moment.  There is noting like the feeling of being yourself, Finally.

Good for you Staci

Staci:

Hon, you are not nuts ... no way!  You are trans ... like us!   Good for you!

See that quotation just above?  Janet Lynn is SOOO right about this Freedom Moment for each of us.  Janet Lynn was with me for mine, and I'll be forever grateful to her for that.  My first time EVER out in the world as truly me was at our local mall with Janet Lynn. 

When she and I left the mall that day, she drove home after we said our goodbyes.  I was still SOOO high on the experience that I walked down to Barnes & Noble and browsed in there for a while and then checked out The World Market on the way back!  I just didn't want it to end. 

None of my business, Staci, but have you seen a gender therapist yet?  If not, you might want to, because that's your next step to HRT if you are not arleady on it.  Hey, it's your choice ... I'm just saying. 

Hugs       Lacey

Hi Staci,

That is a BIG DEAL and it is significant and it brought back some happy memories (and maybe some happy tears too)!
Thank you for sharing.

Jennifer

Hi Staci

It's not weird being yourself.
You can see it as a prison where you've been for years.
And now you're free.
Enjoy your freedom honey.

hugs
Annette

Staci,

Go girl go. It is not a small step it is a biggy. And once you taste the freedom of being you it allows you to move forward again. Geez if you where in Adelaide I'd be around to take you shopping or to dinner. 

Congratulations

Cindy

I remember that feeling, though somewhat vaguely now after all these years 

I was about 15 and had been living rather andro and felt like just some kind of freak (it was the 1960s!) when some TS friends persuaded me to go full girl mode and go with them to a (straight) club. Being rather shy by nature, I wasn't very out-going but seemed to attract more than my fair share of attention from the boys which did wonders for my sense of self and annoyed the heck out of my friends! That was the beginning of learning just how easy and natural it was to be ME and for the first time in ages I didn't feel like a freak.

Congratulations on Day 1 of a whole new life.

Karen.

What a HUGE step staci. Congratulations. It gets easier. Enjoy evry step you take and never think that they are insignificant. We've all been there and they are big. don't understate them
Hugs
Beth

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement

QuoteNone of my business, Staci, but have you seen a gender therapist yet?  If not, you might want to, because that's your next step to HRT if you are not arleady on it.  Hey, it's your choice ... I'm must saying.

I have been thinking about revisiting the therapist option,, I went to therapy when I was in my 20s, mostly to help accept who I was, I actually started transition, electrolsis, hormones, the whole bit, I was kind of going the andro route and didn't really try to be the full me when I was out. Back then I felt a great deal of guilt dressing. When I came out to close friends and family everything accerlerated to a point I was not ready for,, so back in the closet. At this point I just want to find a balance somehow. Don't get me wrong the one thing I would want most is to transition to Full Time  "Priceless" , but I'm not sure thats in the cards for me both socially and mentally ( I know me now, and I know my weaknesses) So maybe it's ok if I try just a little ,,hmmmm...  sounds like an alchoholic falling off the wagon taking just a little sip of wine won't hurt...

Nothing insignificant is that at all.

Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I can't bgin to say how good I feel for you.

Love this bit:

Quote from: Staci3336 on April 13, 2011, 08:48:37 PM
I came home from work and changed into me like usual and I just said screw it and walked out the door!

Insignificant?

It's a biggie 

What are you kidding? - THAT'S A HUGE DEAL!!!

Congratulations, you just took the first step (literally) to being yourself in public.  I won't pretend it's easy, but it gets easier, I don't even remotely pass yet (I'll post some photos up here soon).  But I go out as me all the time now, and this is from someone who always wanted to fade into the background so much that he wouldn't cross the road at a zebra crossing as all the traffic stops and watches you cross.  I say 'he' here because this is how I've always been, long before I started transitioning.

Just carry on being yourself, and enjoy it.

Siobhan.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement!  Actually I have a really big step coming in two weeks (big for me) Im going to my first ever Gender conference in Albany (Empire Conference) . I am sooooooooo nervous but, I really need to do this..

Congrats staci,  I agree with the others in that it is "A Big Deal!" 

Staci, this is just wonderful!  And yes, it is huge!  The moment we realize that the whole world does not revolve around us, and that no one is standing there waiting to see what gender we are presenting as, we have truly reached a turning point in what we will be able to do. 

Huge congrats, girl!



Kristi

congrats Staci, it is a big step it just seems smaller in heels   you've just reminded me that it's just 2 weeks to go to the 1st anniversary of my 1st full day out in public as my real self   I was quite plain and boring back then, took me weeks to build up the confidence to wear skirts and then dresses in public at night when no-one was about, anyway enough wandering down memory lane for me, this is just the first day of the rest of your life Staci, enjoy the journey, there will be highs and lows, you will have great days and bad days but everyone has them you're not doing anything wrong if you have a bad day, in many ways it means you're doing something right if you're going through life just like everyone else.  So to sum up, good for you, now be fabulous