What made you want to start a transition blog, or youtube vlog?

Were you ever scared of being outted, if you're trying to live stealth? Or of others stealing your pictures/videos?

How did you finally decide to put yourself out there, on the internet, for the whole world to see?

I've been wanting to make videos/document my life and changes...but im terrified of putting myself out there...especially because of that ONE blog, but not only that, there is just a ton of trans hate out there.
I want to help other guys, and gain an online support group, but the risks may outweigh that for me.
:/

IDK man, I say to hell with it and do it. I've come to realize a long time ago that no matter what, there are always gonna be ->-bleeped-<-s. You shouldn't let them determine your choices for you, I've done that for most of my life and came to hate myself for it. I don't have a blog or a trans-specific youtube, because I've got jack ->-bleeped-<- to say. I'm not on T, I won't have money for surgery in years, and really nobody needs to hear my constant ranting and hate. However, I DID decide to start putting up my transrelated songs on my youtube. I fought with it for months, because especially in my hometown, there are a LOT of people who hate me. I'd gotten serious death threats years ago, before I was even out as trans (Supposedly there was a hit out on me, but I'm still here typing this so lets all assume she really was just batwhacked crazy).

Honestly, what I would (and might do) is start up a mostly-anonymous blog. Make a different email, use only first names, don't post pictures. There's  probably thousands of trans blogs and channels out there as it is, I think a couple more would only make things better.

I was afraid for the same reasons. Mostly because I'm kind of semi-known on the internet, not FAMOUS or anything, but if you know my birth name you can google a good bit about me XD; Just because of my career and having to put myself out there on social networks and art sites. But having a blog in my male identity has been really awesome, even though I still post my work there, so I will likely be 'found out' by someone, but it's a big part of my coping mechanism and I need to share it.

Yes there is a lot of trans hate out there, and it is scary as hell, but fact of the matter is you are who you are, and you'll find there are a lot more supportive people out there than you'd think. Starting blogs and such where I can be my true self has really shown me that, so I'm sure it can for you, and for others too. But like N.Chaos said, if you want to be very careful, start out anonymously. Make sure you're careful about where you post, find networks within the blog site or video site before you post even. Befriend some other people there who you know will understand and be supportive, then you know you'll have some support around you from the start.

When I uploaded my pre-T video last week on Youtube, it was unlisted.  When I uploaded my 1 week on T video this week, I changed the security settings to public.  I don't know why,  I guess because I couldn't think of too many reasons not to.  Anyone I"m not out to is going to know really soon anyways, and I really don't see any haters taking the time to find me in real life.   About that particular hater, who cares what she thinks, anyways?  Just don't look at her blog, or look at it and laugh as there's someone who really needs a hobby.  When it comes to internet hate, I cosplay, I've felt 4chan's wrath before,  so haters to the left, I can take it.

Speaking of 4chan, have some Courage Wolf!

Quote from: Jake84 on April 12, 2011, 05:30:19 PM
Speaking of 4chan, have some Courage Wolf!

Haha awesome!^^

Quote from: asher on April 12, 2011, 05:27:49 PM
I was afraid for the same reasons. Mostly because I'm kind of semi-known on the internet, not FAMOUS or anything, but if you know my birth name you can google a good bit about me XD; Just because of my career and having to put myself out there on social networks and art sites.

This, exactly. I have some anonymous online outlets but they do not intersect at all with my professional career, etc. This is my choice. I'm not one of the "out and proud" types and I much prefer it that way and to live my life how I want to. I personally feel like it's a compromise but only in so far as I don't think it would help my life or career being "out". I don't feel it's a compromise personally because I'm completely ok with not putting myself out there in that capacity.

I think there is a generational divide to some extent.

As someone a little bit older, I'd be horrified if some of what I wrote when I was younger - or had been recorded of me - would be available NOW to anyone. It's not just about being stealth or whatnot. It's about having everything you say and do posted in a way that you can NEVER fully delete it or take it back. At some point, you might value your privacy more or just be embarrassed or whatever. This is a legitimate concern on top of the "what happens when my future employer googles my name."

The other question I encourage you to ask yourself is: what CONTENT do you have that is worth making public and sharing in vlogs and other online sourcse? It seems to me that much of the trans vlogs are about documenting changes in your appearance and sound. You can record yourself and take pictures and save it all & document your change, and there is no need for a public youtube channel to do that.

I think a lot of guys found vlogs and youtube stuff helpful to them when they were coming out or identifying as trans, so they think: well, it helped me, maybe I can help someone else. Except...do you really have new content that can help someone? How does putting up your experience, your thoughts, documenting your change, etc. actually ADD by providing something new or different? The reason some vlogs were helpful is that there weren't any others. Now, vlogs about ftms transitioning are pretty easy to come by, and the vast majority add absolutely nothing new.

I'm not saying that there isn't room for new and interesting content. But the documentation of your own personal transition is no more interesting to anyone else than watching a slide show of someone else's vacation to Hawaii or the videos of someone else's toddler. So if you ARE planning to "put yourself out there," I'd first ask yourself what you are contributing by putting yourself out there, as opposed to what already exist.

I decided no. I have a few videos that I've posted here on susans - but they have been uploaded via other sources such as facebook or photo bucket.

I decided not to because I don't want the publicity? I don't want people to be able to google my name and find that I am trans. You can google me and find lots of stuff about me.. but not the trans issue... I'd rather just move on and create a new identity and not have those links to link new name to old name. I'd rather live in stealth - and the whole youtube thing is ljust another way you could be outed in the future. You got to realized that potential emplyers and schools often use google and facebook now to see what they can find about you before hiring.. the less loose ends there are.. the better ya know? Anyhow.. I also don't want to be used by Dirt.. but then again she has had access to my pictures  multiple times as well as my email and info and never bothers including me in her blog. I guess I looked to manly for her to be like oh... lookit this girl that's destroying herself.. bahaha.

Quote from: Sean on April 12, 2011, 06:18:37 PM
I think there is a generational divide to some extent.

As someone a little bit older, I'd be horrified if some of what I wrote when I was younger - or had been recorded of me - would be available NOW to anyone. It's not just about being stealth or whatnot. It's about having everything you say and do posted in a way that you can NEVER fully delete it or take it back. At some point, you might value your privacy more or just be embarrassed or whatever. This is a legitimate concern on top of the "what happens when my future employer googles my name."

This is a very good point too! I think those of us that are older are lucky enough to have this hindsight and have experienced the world without the internet of today where yes, things can "go public" and never been taken back.

Sean's other point about content is also right on. I have watched some vlogs of guys and some of them seem so pointless, sorry to say. I think because of the surge in internet-stardom where people can put out videos and become popular is somewhat of a draw to the younger generation. They seem to want that attention and "fame" but they're really not thinking of how that so-called fame might effect their lives in the future.

And Tad brings up another good point that if you want to be stealth at any time, it's kind of hard to do that once you've put out a bunch of videos that are easily accessible on the internet.

  Ok, so I'm not FTM but I'll risk getting infected with yucky man cooties by posting here 

  I'd like to write for a moment about the director of the only Transgender advocacy organization in my state and the current facilitator of my support group. You'll never see him on youtube... If you googled his name you'd see only a little bit of the good he's done for our community. He's a bit younger (and shorter) than me but he's become like a big brother to me. He's introduced me to ways that I can really help other transgender people in my local community while showing strength and unique character. I consider him a dear, dear friend. He's truly inspired me to do things I never thought I would do... We stood together at our State House in support of a transgender hate crimes bill; we spoke at a local college together to educate faculty and students about what it's like to be Trans. He's the most accessible Transgender person in my state but also keeps a low profile.

  I guess what I'm trying to say is that posting videos online will get you noticed... but not by the people who really count. It's like throwing sand up on a windy day... You'll get your thoughts and feelings out but where will they really go? You have the ability to help other guys out there but posting videos is dangerous for you and might not effect anyone.

  Forget the online support group.... find a real-life one or start your own! My life changed dramatically after I joined mine; now I feel that I can truly make a difference in other Transfolk's lives because I got involved with real people, in person.

  Just my two cents.... 

Thanks for all the input guys!

I guess it really isn't worth it.
I just wanted a place to go to be openly trans, a place to talk about all my trans issues, changes, difficulties, concerns.
I would like to have a fellow ftm transguy to turn to. Its this brotherhood of understanding that we have for each other. Pre-t, post-op, whatever...
Its difficult to just hold all my trans thoughts, feelings, opinions inside.
No one I know, in real life, knows what its life to be raised socially as female, to be forced into that role, to feel like you were born in the wrong body, to not be able "pass".
Its the support I see on guys' channels, when they're are having a bad day, or feeling down, when they don't notice changes but others see how far they've come.
I've made videos, but they've just been sitting on my computer. I've taken photos, but again no one sees them but me.

A friend of mine who is trans but passes 100% pre-t, and has forever cause he really wasn't raised as female, wanted to start up a channel with me but I told him about people stealing your stuff and trying to stay stealth. He's pretty young, but I pretty much had talked him out of it. Even then I was hesitant, but I guess that's been a good thing.

Quote from: mic on April 14, 2011, 02:21:54 AM
Thanks for all the input guys!

I guess it really isn't worth it.
I just wanted a place to go to be openly trans, a place to talk about all my trans issues, changes, difficulties, concerns.
I would like to have a fellow ftm transguy to turn to. Its this brotherhood of understanding that we have for each other. Pre-t, post-op, whatever...
Its difficult to just hold all my trans thoughts, feelings, opinions inside.
No one I know, in real life, knows what its life to be raised socially as female, to be forced into that role, to feel like you were born in the wrong body, to not be able "pass".
Its the support I see on guys' channels, when they're are having a bad day, or feeling down, when they don't notice changes but others see how far they've come.
I've made videos, but they've just been sitting on my computer. I've taken photos, but again no one sees them but me.

A friend of mine who is trans but passes 100% pre-t, and has forever cause he really wasn't raised as female, wanted to start up a channel with me but I told him about people stealing your stuff and trying to stay stealth. He's pretty young, but I pretty much had talked him out of it. Even then I was hesitant, but I guess that's been a good thing.

Well, there's always this board! I think you can request your own "blog" here as well ... it's an outlet but you can still remain anonymous.

I'm stealth. At one point I had vlogs and ->-bleeped-<-, but I deleted them. I'm happy living my life as steath. I even went so far as to take down old pics of me post transition that didn't look completely masculine to me, when in reality I'm sure they looked fine. I don't think it's anybody's business what I am, or what my past is, and I don't want it thrown out there for all to see, so I do what I can to make sure it isn't.

Quote from: mic on April 14, 2011, 02:21:54 AM
Thanks for all the input guys!

I guess it really isn't worth it.
I just wanted a place to go to be openly trans, a place to talk about all my trans issues, changes, difficulties, concerns.
I would like to have a fellow ftm transguy to turn to. Its this brotherhood of understanding that we have for each other. Pre-t, post-op, whatever...
Its difficult to just hold all my trans thoughts, feelings, opinions inside.
No one I know, in real life, knows what its life to be raised socially as female, to be forced into that role, to feel like you were born in the wrong body, to not be able "pass".
Its the support I see on guys' channels, when they're are having a bad day, or feeling down, when they don't notice changes but others see how far they've come.
I've made videos, but they've just been sitting on my computer. I've taken photos, but again no one sees them but me.

A friend of mine who is trans but passes 100% pre-t, and has forever cause he really wasn't raised as female, wanted to start up a channel with me but I told him about people stealing your stuff and trying to stay stealth. He's pretty young, but I pretty much had talked him out of it. Even then I was hesitant, but I guess that's been a good thing.

I dunno. Personally I find it kind of odd I guess, to say anything that goes on the internet is completely permanent considering the level of anonymity available to you. As long as you're not on a website that stores all your information/files and keeps them (which you should be careful with either way) there's always the possibility of deletion, like zombies just said. People can recall these things yea, but what evidence do they have if the video or post is deleted? A screenshot? Photoshop could debunk that, haha. Aside from that there are a million and a half ways to keep your anonymity on the internet. Which is why trolls exist, unfortunately.

I personally find it very helpful in the way you just stated, whether or not it's 'completely original' or 'only adds something' is kind of irrelevant if it's meant to help you just as much, isn't it? Besides you may not have something 'original' when you start but it could certainly turn into something new and different.
Sometimes it just feels good to say something and know it's heard, whether or not those people know you or not. That's why tumblr secret blogs are so popular I think, anonymity yet some level of relief from this secret being let off your chest. I've found some friends this way, and it's nice to have a sort of support system. Some of the absolute best friends I have EVER made I've made through the internet actually, I've found it a LOT easier to find more people I have more in common with that way. Of course another great way would be to join a support group or organization like Jessica said, places with specific goals similar to yours are the best place to meet people you have a lot in common with

I just see no reason to be completely isolated to one place if there are precautions you can take, because if you're worried about it you could always do these things and still remain anonymous. Post photos that hide your face or telling information about you, same with videos. Ambiguous places, ambiguous clothing etc if you're really concerned. Make sure to make new emails with sturdy passwords, randomize things, hell you can use 'incognito' windows in google chrome to instantly get rid of browsing history and keep website info from automatically storing in your computer. That's pretty hardcore, but it's there. Anyway my point is there are ways around it without constricting yourself to one place. Those videos and/or photos can be a creative outlet as well, not showing your face forces you to be a little more creative what you're showing in a way, so what's the harm? Just get rid of them if you're worried about it in the future.

I also wanted to comment on your past 'coming back to bite you' so to speak.

It's always amazing when a seasoned creative individual shows their old work isn't it? It may be hard for them, and likely very embarrassing but it's helpful too from both sides of the spectrum. Obviously you shouldn't be posting videos of yourself drunk saying your full name for the world to hear and making it GOOGLEABLE. But maybe in the future you can look back on these videos and just look at the fact not that it's embarrassing, but more that you've changed, come a long way, see where the videos took you and what people you met and how. Why couldn't it just be a documentation of your journey, embarrassment be damned? It might be just as great for others to see a journey they can relate to as well, see where you started and how you ended up. And if you don't put your actual name anywhere, how is anyone going to know it's you? Your voice? Hardly a very solid way to tell.
Of course that wouldn't apply to all things and all people in any sense, and some people will just continue to think you are this way despite how you have changed (if they know it's you anyway), but it's another way to look at things so I thought I'd mention it

Insideontheoutside is right, maybe you could start a blog here.

I personally decided against a vlog and stuff because while I can delete it if I put it up, I can't if someone else steals it and posts it elsewhere. I keep a blog on here of progress that I update every 2 weeks-1 month. I put pictures on here for the short term and then delete them over time by going in and removing my post if I change my mind. If I come across something in my transition that I haven't seen on youtube maybe I will post it but otherwise I'm cool with just posting stuff here and mostly doing it for myself. For now I don't pass entirely so I don't stress about it but I do want to be stealth eventually.

well everything pretty much does stay online in cached form pretty much forever, but that wouldn't concern me too much. what i really don't like is the "i like to out transmen twice a week for 'educational' purposes"-site. once your picture is up there, there's nothing you can do about it, and i know a LOT of people who would love to click through those photos out of sensationalism and because they want to find someone to pick on.

Just a word of caution to [people who think they can delete stuff. I stumbled across an old blog post of someone. They stated that they routinely joined trans mailing lists, trans forums, youtube channels whatever, and pretended to be an ftm.. just so that they could screen shot everything, download stuff, so that they could pull it up and use it as future evidence.

Not that we should really be scared.. but that's just an example of how your stuff truly doesn't dissapear once you hit the delete button..
I know if I don't have time to watch something, I'll just hit the download button on youtube.. so its on my computer saved for a later date when I can watch it which is another example of how stuff isn't exactly gone.

Quote from: Tad on April 14, 2011, 03:43:37 PM
Just a word of caution to [people who think they can delete stuff. I stumbled across an old blog post of someone. They stated that they routinely joined trans mailing lists, trans forums, youtube channels whatever, and pretended to be an ftm.. just so that they could screen shot everything, download stuff, so that they could pull it up and use it as future evidence.

Not that we should really be scared.. but that's just an example of how your stuff truly doesn't dissapear once you hit the delete button..
I know if I don't have time to watch something, I'll just hit the download button on youtube.. so its on my computer saved for a later date when I can watch it which is another example of how stuff isn't exactly gone.

Wow that is really extreme/crazy x_x But true people like that do exist.
Some good points were posted since my post. But I still think you could potentially remain anonymous and do those things without worrying too much about being outed. You just need to keep a level head and be smart about it. Maybe just keep in mind what everyone has said here and decide for yourself. And like others said, starting up a blog here instead could be the safest route if you're worried about it

Thanks again guys, for all of your input. Its good to hear different views.

Quote from: asher on April 14, 2011, 05:08:45 AM
Sometimes it just feels good to say something and know it's heard, whether or not those people know you or not.

This.
Its like a vent, a diary, but that others can read/see/listen and offer help with.

I have a tumblr that's semi private. I don't have much of my own information on it or any personal pictures, but I write about my feelings and angst(nothing trans related though).
I've found some amazingly caring people on there!
I may start a private tumblr, where ill post videos and pictures that don't show my face or anything that will "give me away".

This whole internet thing kind of sucks, now that I think about it. Lol
That you put up a photo or some words, maybe even a video of yourself & basically EVERYONE can see it download it screenshot it and keep it forever.
Its a crazy world we live in when someone trolls/lurks and does all this "for a living" practically.
I mean your name and face could be anywhere and everywhere.
Im careful about what info I give out or post, age location full name etc. Now I feel I should be even more careful, with my photos especially. I have a lot of stuff on my personal FB where I also have a lot of transguy friends and friends I don't personally know. It makes me think, maybe I should just make a different one for people I don't know in person. You never know who you can really trust these days.

I mean I wish it were simple, and I didn't have to worry so much about all this but I guess its good to over think?
Or maybe if I was okay being openly trans, I could just jump into it. Blahhh *sigh*

If you got any qualms I wouldn't do it.