I will never understand.

http://ben-girl-notesfromthetside.blogspot.com/2011/04/i-will-never-understand.html
4/13/11
By Elizabeth

I will never understand late transitioners.

I will never understand how someone that is a Type V transsexual or a woman trapped in a man's body can marry and father children if they are a woman?

I will never understand why some late transitioning man can suddenly believe he understands all things female just because he is transitioning.

I will never understand why late transitioners actually believe they are role models and want to be out in front representing transsexuals. In my opinion you are the entire perception problem transsexuals have.  Kim Petras can be a role model. Ashley Prince can be a positive role model. Late transitioners cannot be role models.

Send her my way. Sounds like the brat needs a spanking

Ah, ageism dressed up as trans politics (but not passing). Pfui.

  Admittedly part of me is alittle confused, When I look back at my own past and I think that hell only went on for 11 years.

And I struggle to think how could that have gone on for 22, 33 or 44 years? Wouldn't anyone be dead? But then it's only a matter of thinking carefully. I barely made 6 my self harm and depression was that extreme.
But I didn't die, I lasted that long because there was no way out I couldn't kill myself and I took it because there wasn't any other option, and it's the same for the later transition. And as much as I bitch about my situation sucking it must be so much worse for those who didn't escape when I did.

Sounds like another example of , "If you want to know anything, ask  a teenager. They know everything."   I don't think the people I went through High School would have been at all accepting if I had transitioned in my teens.   
There was NO understanding of GID where I was, and no-one to ask for help. So it just wasn't possible. I will never understand -how some people don't get that. 

I can't understand it either.  Why wait 30, 40, 50, or 60 years if you're "female" as you say you are.  Why get married?  why have children?  why use that disgusting thing of yours if you "can't stand it" as you say.  Most of them actually are.  I know because I've met them.   I know because I've talked to them. 

I sometimes read the posts here: "oh poor me, poor me, I can't have GRS, I don't have the money for it, I can't stand what I've got between my legs, I'm so depressed"  and 10 posts before that, they're talking about their ex-wives & four children.  Who are they trying to fool?  If you can't stand "it", why have 4 children, why get married? why transition when you're 50 &  mess up the lives of your wife & kids to satisfy a fetish.  That's pretty damn selfish.

Quote from: Pia on April 15, 2011, 09:18:36 AM
I sometimes read the posts here: "oh poor me, poor me, I can't have GRS, I don't have the money for it, I can't stand what I've got between my legs, I'm so depressed"  and 10 posts before that, they're talking about their ex-wives & four children.  Who are they trying to fool?  If you can't stand "it", why have 4 children, why get married? why transition when you're 50 &  mess up the lives of your wife & kids to satisfy a fetish.  That's pretty damn selfish.

Walk a mile in my shoes before you pretend to know me.

Quote from: Valeriedances on April 15, 2011, 09:35:29 AM
Not everyone has or had the ability to get help. Many were abused, many were subverted, many were forcibly made to conform, many tried their best to survive.

And/or had illness steal decades of our lives.

As one of the older generation who always knew "something" was wrong, I have to reply.

Help was not always available, when I was first questioning I didn't have the internet to turn to.  I didn't have books I even knew how to find, my family doctor "pooh poohed" the idea, the school shrik wanted to have me committed.

I was born in the 40's, started questioning but was beaten into retreat.  We learned through force that it was not ok to question our gender.  We grew up hiding our true feelings, being told that if we will just marry everything will be ok.

Quess what, we did as we were told, married had kids and everything wasn't just fine.  The problems grew and now there was something else in the mix, young children.

Many of us were convinced to put things on hold until our kids reached the age of majority.  Then persue our feelings.

Try to give the older generation the benefit of doubt, it is usually the right thing to do.

A reminder about Rule 10   

Quote10. Bashing or flaming of any individuals or groups is not acceptable behavior on this web site and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason.  This includes but is not limited to:

    Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term
    Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more legitimate, deserving, or more real than any others

Pia is privileged more than 'late transitioners' because of pioneers and trailblazers before her. Today's late transvestites (as you call us) didn't have the same acceptance or even the education about what this is all about. Some were lucky...some killed themselves..some tried to cure themselves..there are a lot of reasons that would make someone transition later in life. Unlike where you are at in the timeline of society acceptance we come from a more dangerous and hostile time. It is incredibly offensive for you to misgender us.

Quote from: Valeriedances on April 15, 2011, 09:35:29 AM

A teenager today can ask you that same question, what took you so long to complete your GRS at 25?

^^
This.

Everyone is late to transition.  Some are just later than others.  I knew I wanted to be female when I was about ten years old.  Every day after that day has been late.  I'm still too late.

Lol. That was funny, especially Pia's response. Thanks for that. It's the internet, where people are free to claim they are the most female of female and that they have a life that is enviable to all. I'm sure these people look like Megan Fox and have voices as sweet as nectar and ooze femininity. Boys can't get too close to them because they turn into girls. Yikes!

Try to keep it in perspective. Some girl no longer feels relevant so she throws out a post about how she hates how xyz type of person isn't as abc as her. Check out her blog, she uses a picture from 1971. Craziness! It's like when you are in a car accident and usually the person yelling the loudest is usually the one lying. Usually people who feel the need to say that they are something that makes them different from you are, in reality, very similar to you and that scares the bejesus out of them. "I'm not like THIS person, heavens no! I'm like THESE people over here!" Don't imagine it too long, you might get sucked into the vortex and not be able to get out.

People sometimes feel the need to state why they are so different from others and there's an implied hierarchy in their mind. It happens all the time. It happens here sometimes, usually by the same people over and over. It's their MO. Don't let it get you worked up Imagine what it would be like to live with that much negativity in your life. Imagine what it would be like to be that bitter that you actually let what other people do bother you that much that you need to make a post about it. As people get older and their belief system is challenged by people coming after them, they'll fight back. Echos of "it wasn't like that in my day!" can be heard. "You young whippersnappers wish you were like me!" Just let them fade away into obscurity. It's better that way Be well, smile, and, most importantly, don't let the negativity get to you! Meghan

Dear Pia and Elizabeth,

By the time I was a teenager I was living in a place where there was no SRS, HRT, or any counseling or information. TG/TS people where locked in houses for the "insane." were beaten wherever they may show up, become social pariahs, and more painfully, they were disavow by family and friends. With no source of income and socially rejected most of them suicide or ended working as prostitutes in the worst part of town where they live a life of total abuse.

Confronted with that reality I choose to get an education that will provided me with independence and with the ability to move to greener pastures. I took ten years and 6000 miles but I ended in the good USA. So now I am in my late 20's contemplating a self-administer orchi. pretty desperate uh!. The girls on my support group and few friends in the "know" talked me out of it. All along I have dated girls, and was quiet popular with them. Everybody I date will be informed of my condition (female ad lesbian born with defective genitalia). To my surprise my lovers could be divided into 2 groups the one that supported me, and the ones who tolerated me.

I knew I will never married because which woman would married me knowing that I was a TS and that my end goal was to align my body to my brain? Well, what you know I met a woman who wanted me to married me and have kids, despise who I am. Transition will come when the kids go to college  we told ourselves.

Fast forward to the present, I am older but the goal remains the same. Would I do thing differently? No, I would not give my kids for anything, even for a gold lined vagina!

Whether I was in combat, athletic or racing competition, earning a living, changing a diaper, or making love, I was -and always will be- a female.  It is not difficult to be a father and a husband and a lover. Love, love, and love. I have nothing to apologize for my life. I have conducted myself with the utmost integrity and honesty. I have contributed to the life of many and to the good of the Nation and Human kind at large, and guess what? I am not the only one.

So here I am sharing my story with you hoping it will help you being less self righteous and more compassionate
Kate

Stuff like this is another of the reasons I ditched the whole TG community 13 years ago. I just got tired of it all. Back in 1998 on soc.support.transgendered and alt.support.transgendered it got really nasty and was one giant catfight all the time, with flamers like the infamous Laura Blake and her bunch stirring the pot constantly. I didn't come here for a repeat of that scene.

Can't we all just get along?

Seems there will always be something to fight about if you want to go there. I'd really rather not.

Amy

Quote from: Pia on April 15, 2011, 09:18:36 AMI sometimes read the posts here: "oh poor me, poor me, I can't have GRS, I don't have the money for it, I can't stand what I've got between my legs, I'm so depressed"  and 10 posts before that, they're talking about their ex-wives & four children.  Who are they trying to fool?  If you can't stand "it", why have 4 children, why get married? why transition when you're 50 &  mess up the lives of your wife & kids to satisfy a fetish.  That's pretty damn selfish.

Maybe such people are just stronger than others and can hang on for years and years without killing themselves. Maybe they find comfort and emotional support in their wife and four kids. Maybe they didn't know what was wrong for all those years. Maybe, when they figured it out, they thought they were mentally ill because that's what the book said, and they didn't want to be mentally ill and just told themselves lies until they almost believed them.

Maybe their path is just freaking different from yours. Did you ever consider that?

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on April 17, 2011, 08:56:09 AM
Lol. That was funny, especially Pia's response. Thanks for that. It's the internet, where people are free to claim they are the most female of female and that they have a life that is enviable to all. I'm sure these people look like Megan Fox and have voices as sweet as nectar and ooze femininity. Boys can't get too close to them because they turn into girls. Yikes!

Try to keep it in perspective. Some girl no longer feels relevant so she throws out a post about how she hates how xyz type of person isn't as abc as her. Check out her blog, she uses a picture from 1971. Craziness! It's like when you are in a car accident and usually the person yelling the loudest is usually the one lying. Usually people who feel the need to say that they are something that makes them different from you are, in reality, very similar to you and that scares the bejesus out of them. "I'm not like THIS person, heavens no! I'm like THESE people over here!" Don't imagine it too long, you might get sucked into the vortex and not be able to get out.

People sometimes feel the need to state why they are so different from others and there's an implied hierarchy in their mind. It happens all the time. It happens here sometimes, usually by the same people over and over. It's their MO. Don't let it get you worked up Imagine what it would be like to live with that much negativity in your life. Imagine what it would be like to be that bitter that you actually let what other people do bother you that much that you need to make a post about it. As people get older and their belief system is challenged by people coming after them, they'll fight back. Echos of "it wasn't like that in my day!" can be heard. "You young whippersnappers wish you were like me!" Just let them fade away into obscurity. It's better that way Be well, smile, and, most importantly, don't let the negativity get to you! Meghan

Where is her blog at?

Or like me that is made to believe that what is wrong with me is sinful. If I dont change I will never get close to knowing God. years spent believing lies is not good any way you look at it. Many of us enslaved ourselves with lies conforming to others imaginations making what they believed even stronger, yet now their imaginations have been shaken by what they see in me. I know that God has exepted me in the beloved. The words that they spoke to me bringing me into mental slavery have now become their prison. I am not in that mess anymore by the grace of God. I know who I am and noone can change that about me. even though they try. love each other, give respect where respect is do. Do nothing to cause others to be reenslaved to those old things of the past.

Quote from: Pia on April 15, 2011, 09:18:36 AM
I can't understand it either.  Why wait 30, 40, 50, or 60 years if you're "female" as you say you are.  Why get married?  why have children?  why use that disgusting thing of yours if you "can't stand it" as you say.  Most of them actually are.  I know because I've met them.   I know because I've talked to them. 

I sometimes read the posts here: "oh poor me, poor me, I can't have GRS, I don't have the money for it, I can't stand what I've got between my legs, I'm so depressed"  and 10 posts before that, they're talking about their ex-wives & four children.  Who are they trying to fool?  If you can't stand "it", why have 4 children, why get married? why transition when you're 50 &  mess up the lives of your wife & kids to satisfy a fetish.  That's pretty damn selfish.

Well darlin,

Us older people have loads of reasons as to why we couldn't transition earlier in life. Mostly for me it was pressure to conform to societies norms which I tried to do for 35 years, I tried to put it out of my mind and run with it but in the end you have to give in to what you know you are. I wasn't happy about my situation but i struggled on with what I had. I am now happy in my correct role. I don't regret waiting but I do wish I had done it earlier

I am guessing that you are young and have no knowledge of what it was like for people who did manage to transition in the 70's, 80's and 90's. You really have no idea what people went through to make your path much easier than it has been. So before you start criticising have a thought for others and show a bit of gratitude for what they have done for you.

As to your last paragraph, How dare you judge anyone. Everyone is different and they have to play the hand that is dealt to them. Just because you are so perfect it is no reason to criticise others.

To answer some of Elizabeth's questions from my perspective:

"I will never understand late transitioners".
Well, ask us!

"I will never understand why some late transitioning man can suddenly believe he understands all things female just because he is transitioning."
Oh, Really!  Having more experience doesn't mean that we understand all things female, I'm just realizing it now.

"I will never understand why late transitioners actually believe they are role models and want to be out in front representing transsexuals. In my opinion you are the entire perception problem transsexuals have.  Kim Petras can be a role model. Ashley Prince can be a positive role model. Late transitioners cannot be role models. Nobody believes their reasoning whether it is actually truthful or not.  It is just so odd."
What kind of role model do you want?  Role modeling comes from reputation and that takes time!

"I will never understand why MTF late transsexuals are hurt because the wife takes the kids and walks out. What do you expect them to to do? I guess they should jump for joy that they can now have a perceived lesbian relationship with the man they once loved."
Cannot answer, some of us never married. 

"I will never understand why someone posts as Anonymous and believes they have credibility but then they are obviously fearful of letting anyone know who they really are".
We live in interesting times.  Some should remain anonymous, however, they will have to come out sometimes.  I do respond to those that are less anonymous though.

"I will never understand how a parent abandons their children".
Good question, no answer.  I don't see why they do either.

"I will never understand how any late transitioner can rationalize that transitioning in front of their children is not harmful or painful to a child. They never should have married in the first place".
Some married because of their dysphoria and they think marriage will cure this, it does in some cases.

  Joelene